Appropriateness

(Previously posted as a FB note...)

In the open atmosphere that is Facebook, it’s often tough to be objective about what or how much to post. For example, it’s difficult when you have a crisis that you can’t talk about – when you feel so alone and want to share the pain, the hurt, the fear, so that people will rally in support or encouragement, but it isn’t appropriate for some reason. Then, when the crisis is averted, when the prayer is answered, when the fear gives way to relief and huge sighs and you’re able to breathe deeply again… Then, you once again want to share – so that others can celebrate with you… but perhaps it still isn’t appropriate. How do you express your joy adequately, but discreetly?

For that matter, what IS appropriate on Facebook anyway?

Methinks that Facebook is a new world unlike any we’ve lived in before.
• It can be great fun to connect so regularly with the details of our friends’ lives.
• We can feel a sense of intimacy and well-being and good-will and camaraderie.
• It’s easy to forget that all 350 of my friends are now privy to the minute details that I wanted to share with a few.

Before Facebook, a few of us had tasted what it’s like to be a public figure – whether as teacher, minister, or other professional – and hopefully learned a bit about appropriateness in sharing personal information. Since Facebook, we have all become “public persons” – with or without previous practice.

Facebook does provide an easy platform for several things.
• A place to share joy and sorrow – or pet peeves
• A “publication” to post the latest news in our world
• A billboard to promote a favorite cause
• A soapbox for political rants (Oops; I mean opinions)

It may be natural to assume that most of my friends think like me and that we share the same passions and opinions. However, it’s not too hard to figure out that this isn’t necessarily the case. So… I’ve been trying to stop and think about how my posts may be interpreted by my friends – or by friends of friends. I don’t mean to suggest that I should never add a quick comment to a friend’s post, but I do want to be sensitive not to unnecessarily cause pain or embarrassment.

Perhaps these are good questions to ask before I post.

1. Is it confidential? If it’s not my news to share, then maybe I shouldn’t be the one to share it.
2. Is it offensive? This question begs a disclaimer: I’ve lived most of my life in fear of offending somebody and am finally breaking free from that fear. So I am not saying I need to tiptoe around people’s feelings, but it’s not a bad idea to ask myself if this posting will be offensive to others and whether it is worth the risk.
3. Is it polarizing or inflammatory? Some of us move almost exclusively in like-minded circles while others have friends from all over the spectrum. What may be hilariously funny to my right-wing friends can seem terribly arrogant and hateful to others. And vice-versa. What if a friend of mine voted for this horrible, evil jerk-face that I am ranting about? How does that make my friend feel? It’s very easy to bad-mouth those with whom we disagree, but I would be wise to avoid name calling and other disrespectful tendencies – which leads to a good bottom line…
4. Is it respectful? Is this comment respectful to my friends, my family, my co-workers? How about those with whom I disagree? What kind of example am I setting in the way I speak about people?

I don’t claim to be a paragon of virtue. I am simply sharing some of my struggle to find appropriate parameters in my internet interaction. And not just on Facebook, but these questions could be helpful in many other settings in real life.