Movement

Movement
Mobility
Motion

I have committed to 40 Days of Movement. It has been a good exercise. Some days I have been excited about my progress report - other days not so much.

Recently, I haven't known how/what to report. I have been in motion, but I’m not sure how to describe it. Much of my motion has been internal – in my mind & in my emotions. Much of it has not been in a clear direction, but has been on a winding road with lots of twists and turns – nor has it been level or stable, but more like a roller-coaster.

I have been sorting boxes & more boxes. I have accomplished small goals – like reducing the pile of boxes – but I still feel overwhelmed at times. Or I think that I’m feeling good at times, rather proud of myself – and suddenly… Boom! I fall apart; I blow up. I show evidence of internal turmoil.

Some days I feel ambitious & energetic; other days I can barely force myself to tackle one small pile. Some hours I can only convince myself to deal with one item. All the letting go takes a toll. The multitudinous decisions wear me down. I want to be rid of the stuff, but it’s hard to let go.

I can’t be objective. Some days I can see the progress; other days I can’t see beyond the remaining piles.

But I am consciously committed to movement. Each day I choose to move – to move my body, my person, myself – and my stuff.

Gift

Five-minute Friday The word is gift. The rules are simple. Write for 5 minutes. No editing, no over-thinking, no back tracking... just write. Go. ... Gift I have received lots of gifts. I have taken good care of them, have been a good steward of most of them. I have enjoyed them & celebrated them. But sometimes the time comes to let go of a gift. I don’t do that so well. It feels wrong, feels like I’m no longer a good steward, no longer grateful. It’s hard to mourn the death of a gift, to accept that the expiration time approaches. I realize that I can’t receive more good gifts when my hands are so full of the previous ones, but it’s so hard to let go. There are tears, tantrums even, triggers for grief that catch me off-guard. As I admit that I must let go of the old gift to make room for the new, I still want some control. I want to let go of that old cherished thing on my terms – one piece at a time or in the way that I want to do it. I say that I want to be rid of the old, but I don’t want to let go of the control over it. It’s so hard. It hurts so bad. Time’s up. Ouch.

Loud

I've seen the Five-Minute Friday challenge before & thought it looked interesting. My friend posted one today and on a whim I decided to give it a try, too.

Here's how it works. You write for 5 minutes, no editing, no over-thinking, no back-tracking...
Today's word is 'Loud'... Go.

...

LOUD
I remember so many days (mornings often) when I realized that I was loud. As a teenager, I’d have a ball at youth meeting, just a great time & then in the morning I’d begin to think “why do I have to be so loud?” I would feel embarrassed. Yuck.

Was I louder than the people around me? I don’t know. But I didn’t always like it.

Am I still loud? Sometimes. Maybe not so much in volume, but I sure tend to talk a lot. Again I might be having an awesome time – enjoying heart-to-heart with someone - & later realize that I did all of the talking. Oops. Embarrassing again. Yes, I feel embarrassed, but also rather ashamed. Dominating a conversation seems to be really inconsiderate & immature & insensitive. Yuck. Yep, I don’t like it very much. So why do I do it? Is it just the way I am? Do I have no self-control? Have I honestly sincerely tried to improve? Should I continue to try to get better? If so, how? What can I really do about it? Drats!! Double-drats!

Time’s up.
...and my man is calling me.
Gonna’ walk to the mailbox with him…