Anniversary of an epiphany

 It was on this date 11 years ago, the middle-of-the-night conversation.

“Are you awake?”

“What if we sell the tree farm?”

“Maybe buy an old RV and travel a bit?”

“Maybe live on the road for a few years?”

“Explore a bit.”

“Try stuff out; see what works.”

An unexpected conversation, but we were both intrigued.

We bounced ideas back and forth.

We decided to take steps in that direction.

Start downsizing - because we had WAY too much stuff to move.

We knew it would be quite the process and could take awhile.

We began sorting and pitching and letting go of stuff.

It was hard and it took a long time, but we did it.  

Piece by piece.

Step by step.

Box by box.

One pile at a time.

Sure enough, we did sell the tree farm.

We did buy an old RV and we travelled a bit.

We lived on the road for a few years.

We explored and we tried stuff out.

We discovered what works for us.

And we lived to tell about it.

Wrote a book even - which is now available on Amazon.

The gift of un-busy

"Slow down.

Clear your calendar.

Take time to breathe deeply
and enjoy the season."

A few years ago I worked hard to get to a place of un-busy.  Sure enough, I very much enjoyed the feeling of simplicity.  I asked myself about that the other day - how I did it and why I let it slip away.

Oh, yah, it was because we were out there living on the road…

• Away from our world and our peeps
• Away from our roots.
• Away from friends and family
• Away from any kind of social life
• Away from time commitments

It was nice to not be so busy.  

To not always be scurrying or feeling behind

But it wasn’t perfect.

I missed my peeps, those little grands, our kids, and dear friends.

I missed having at least a bit of a social life.

So here we are a couple years later and we’ve again put down roots. Even though we knew hardly anyone when we moved here, we found ourselves surrounded by wonderful people who soon became friends.  Options and opportunities abound in this place so I just had to try everything.  

Until I couldn’t.

Until I remembered that I can’t do it all.

That I might have to re-teach myself how to pick and choose only the best.  I had to admit that my old tendency to over-commit had returned with a vengeance.  I needed to step back and make some changes.

For three months now I have been intentionally finding my way back toward un-busy.  Not there yet, but I am beginning to breathe easier.

This would be the perfect spot for my magical list of three easy steps to find un-busy.  Sorry; I haven’t found time to come up with a neat list all tied up with a bow.  I’m still in the trenches on this - reminding myself to notice how I’m doing and to ask the hard questions about my choices.  I’m still finding my way back to sanity.  I choose to give myself the gift of un-busy again.  To live at a healthy pace.

Maybe next month I can come up with a handy-dandy list.  

Or maybe not.

The possession trap

Many of our friends have been hearing me (us) talk for the last eight years about our downsizing journey.  And what a journey it has been!  A huge process.  

It took time. 

It took energy and great effort.  

It took diligence and determination.

It took sacrifice.

There were lots of starts and stops.

Two steps forward and three steps back.

Slow progress

Baby steps

And we’re still not done - nor will we be.  

It’s all about phases.  

What works for this phase?

What is needed for this season of life?

We finished many of those phases and have started new ones.

We moved into smaller spaces and then even smaller.

After we sold the tree farm, we rented a small storage unit to keep selected things - not knowing what we might need or want in the future.  At that time we had no idea whether we might ever own property again or where we might end up.

...

And now here we are.

We did decide to settle down again in one spot.

We did buy another house.

And we are happy for the things that we kept.  

Well, MOST of them. ... Okay; I admit that there are still lots of things to get rid of - but they are mostly in the form of boxes that I must still sort through.  In terms of furnishings, we are pretty happy about what we kept.

In fact, I cannot count the times when we’ve shaken our heads in wonderment about how well things fit in to our new circumstances.  Over and over we marvel about something - like that cabinet Bob built when we were first married.  It was custom-designed to fill a specific gap in the old kitchen in Grandpa Frank’s farmhouse that we rented that year.  We built our own house a year later and that cupboard served us well until Bob built the regular kitchen cabinets into that huge kitchen.  A few years later it became a changing table in the nursery.  I think it became an office cabinet for a few years and I’ve lost track of what else.  …  Well, we kept that cabinet and it is once again a much-needed kitchen cabinet filling an important gap.

So many other versatile pieces have ended up being “just right” in the new/old place.  Mostly other cabinets that Bob has built through the years.  

In the early years he built me a beautiful lighted curio cabinet with glass doors.  A couple times in our moves to smaller places, it served other purposes as well - mostly for books as I recall. 

There was the era of taking down old barns and reclaiming the wood for other purposes - like tables, shelves, cabinets and even cabins.  After careful calculations, he used some of that barn wood to build a cabinet the perfect size and shape for our cherished big brown dishes.  

He really did build many, many different cabinets.   And no, we didn’t keep ALL of them. Our daughters are now using several of them.  

At any rate, as we have settled in and set up housekeeping once again, we have been amazed at how few things we need to purchase.  Basically just something to sit on - a love seat and matching chair.  And we did not mind - because I don’t think we had ever purchased new furniture before - in our entire lives!  We had always been blessed with hand-me-downs which served us well through foster kids and decades of youth parties.  We were grateful for every couch and chair that was given to us through the years and we pretty much wore them into the ground - so even if we hadn’t downsized them, it would have been time to replace them anyway. 

And, speaking of something to sit on...  
We did keep the rocking chair my mom rocked me in and later I rocked my daughters and eventually my grand-kids.  I am so glad that it survived the downsizing.

...

Sure enough; here we are.

Settling in again and putting down roots.
We love our old house in the city.

This morning I posted a lovely picture from our porch on Facebook.  
A friend posted this comment:  

"So tell me...
"What’s it like to get rid of all your clutter/stuff, travel and then settle back down?
"Have you managed to not fall into the "possession trap" again?"

That’s a fair question.

In fact, it is a great question.

My first response was that feeling of gratitude as I suddenly remembered how many of those things have worked out so well.  

And then lots of thoughts and feelings began scampering through my head. 

And then I thought maybe I would write about it.  

So I did.
And you've just read my answer. 
Well, part of it...
Yes, we have managed very well - maybe better than we might have guessed.

We also realize that we have changed.  We now appreciate simplicity so much more and we are committed to keeping our lives and our house free from clutter.

But that's another story...
Stay tuned.

Regrets?

"I've never missed any of the stuff I got rid of!" 

I've heard more than one person say that after downsizing. But... 

I cannot honestly say that. There have certainly been things that I have missed - and there have been more than a few second thoughts about things that are gone. 

Does it hurt sometimes?

Yes, it does.

Do I make some bad decisions about what to keep and what to pitch?
Probably.

But you know what?
It is a process.
I am learning.
Certainly I will make unwise decisions.
Certainly it will be hard.
Of course, there may be regrets.
That's life!

But am I sorry that we took steps to change things and to be intentional about changing course for this season in our lives?
Absolutely NOT!

We are so, so thankful that we found the courage to do this thing. It has been well worth the cost and the occasional sadness or pain.

After all, if we had just stayed where we were and not made the changes, pain and sadness and difficulty would have come our way anyway. And we would have still been stuck there. How much better to have done the hard stuff so that we could get free to do the fun stuff!

...

In hindsight, as I look back from my new place of freedom, I'm thinking that perhaps "regret" is not the right word.  I think a better way to describe it is that there have been things that I grieve. I mourn the loss.  Several losses. I may have had to grieve when letting it go and I may have had to grieve since then.  It's okay.  It is healthy even - to take the time to mourn our losses.  

But it is not exactly the same as regret.

So yes, I mourn the losses, but I don't regret that we have done this thing.

That we have paid the price for our new freedom.

I love where we are now and I am very grateful.

They are telling our story

I've just been introduced to Dave and Sheryl Balthrop and have learned some of their story about selling their house and combining households with her mom. They blog about their journey at Simple Life Reboot.

They are telling our story. Well, they are telling THEIR story but some of it is just like our story.  Sure; the details are different, but they are articulating many of our thoughts almost verbatim.

Here are just a few lines from Dave and Sheryl that are almost exactly what we've said and thought - illustrated by a couple of our pictures.

"While we recognized that our over-sized house used most of our resources,

we justified the expenditures by telling ourselves

that we needed to maintain a large legacy home

that could serve as a gathering place for our children and future grandchildren.

"But we began to realize that they weren’t really gonna’ come back all that often. 

We were gonna’ need to go see them. 

Their lives were busy."

"A big part of what drives us is our kids.

What they’re into

What they’re doing and

Our ability to stay in contact with them

"But the house was sorta’ tying us down.

"The house that we thought was so important  

to keep for them to come home to...

This house might be the obstacle hindering us from going to see the kids."

…

Dave summarizes: 

"Early on, we realized it was the right thing to do.

As we got further into the process,

we knew that it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing."

...

Sheryl remembers:

"It was emotional.

What will people think?"

...

Regarding downsizing:

"We ... consider it an advance gift to our children

in that they would never have to deal with boxes and boxes

of unneeded items which we edited from our lives."

Regarding the gatherings, Sheryl wondered if the kids would come to her mom’s house for Christmas and other gatherings.

"Would they still come?"

"Would they feel comfortable?"

And then she answers the question:

"Yes, they still come. 

It gets a little silly, with lots of blow-up beds,

but I think it’s more of an adventure.

"They’re coming to spend time with us and with each other, 

not to be in a particular space."

Yes, we have said and thought almost these exact things about the place and the people.

...

And here are a few other wise words from Dave:

"I believe we move towards that which we contemplate."  

Now there's something to contemplate.

Read more of their story HERE.

Off the road again - for the moment

Two years ago we were leaving our first work-camping job in southern California and heading north up the coast on our way to Alaska.

Two months ago we signed a one-year lease and moved into an apartment in mid-Michigan.

It has been an interesting journey. 

Nearly six years ago we had made the decision to downsize and sell the farm. 

We wanted the freedom to travel but especially to be able to visit our kids - and maybe even live near them. I guess we’ve done that. We spent the first five months of our life on the road near our youngest in soCal and then a month very near her in Alaska. We lived near our middle daughter last summer and near our oldest last fall.

Our decision had also included the idea of exploring and experiment for awhile - to see if we liked living on the road and to discover places where we might want to spend more time. We had no idea whether (or when or where) we might want to ever buy property again so it seemed like a little exploration was in order.

Sure enough, we discovered lots of things about living on the road that we do enjoy and we found lots of places that we hope to re-visit. We also discovered some things that we don’t so much enjoy - particularly the idea of being away from the kids and grand-kids for so long. Hence our decision to come “off the road” for the next year.

Will we ever live on the road again? 

Who knows? 

We are certainly open to that idea, but we don’t need to know right now. 

Neither do we know how long we will stay in this area, but we don’t need to know that just yet either. 

It is enough to enjoy the moment and to fully appreciate the freedom that we have found by making that momentous decision six years ago and by doing the hard work of downsizing our stuff. That process, by the way, is still not finished. In fact, we are hard at work wrapping it up at this very moment.

Downsizing: a bad word?

The first time I remember hearing the term downsizing, it seemed like a bad word.

Some company was downsizing and letting go a whole bunch of good people.

Downsizing resulted in pain and fear and frustration.

I also remember that when I began hearing about downsizing in one's personal life, I was still not impressed that it was a good thing. Someone was speaking of the freedom and simplicity of living with less stuff and I could only think of how much I liked my stuff. Most of my stuff felt important to me and I couldn’t imagine how life could be better without it. I was not at all interested in giving up my prized possessions. I knew that doing so could be a terribly difficult task. It did not seem like fun.

...

Much of my stuff symbolized my heritage and my legacy. 

The thought of getting rid of those was appalling. 

Heart-breaking.

...

But oh, my. I am so glad that we didn't stay stuck there.

That we finally became willing to at least think about it.

To admit that we didn't need it all.

That it really was too much.

And that eventually we were somehow convinced to give it a shot.

...

Life is so much better with less stuff.

But wait; please hear what I am not saying.

I am not saying that life is better now than it was back then when we had more stuff.

'Twas a wonderful life and I am terribly grateful for it all.

I AM saying that our “now” is better than it would be if we had tried to keep everything.

No, maybe that’s still not quite right. 

Our “now” would simply not be possible if we had insisted on keeping everything.

I guess that's it.

Five years!

Date: August 15 - a significant date. It was just five years ago today that we had our epiphany. Our moment of coming awake to the possibilities of freedom. How well we remember that conversation that started this whole process. How unbelievable it was that one of us dared to mention the idea of selling the farm - and even more astounding that the response was favorable!!! It was the beginning. The turning point. The decision to start letting go of things.

Location: at home - which is Lot #143, Clearwater Campground, Ortonville, MI at the moment. We are very much enjoying this campground. We love the area and being so close to some of our kids. After being away for a long weekend we moved to a different campsite. We were hoping for more shade which we now have with an added bonus of lots more space as well as a bit of privacy. How lovely.

Outside: Hot and sunny, blue sky, heading to 90 degrees

Miles traveled: Just a few planned for today - to the store and perhaps our daughter's place - AND out to eat because it is a special day. One worth celebrating.

Walked: 1.7 miles around the lake and through the campground. I just passed 450 miles for the year!

Hubby is: heading out for a bike ride

Recent happenings: Bob's big birthday blast concert and the subsequent recovery time

Discoveries: After living in this little rig from January to August last year and again this year, we are happy to discover how much we love it. It has exceeded our expectations and we are thankful. We really like our home!!!

Made me sad: That time when I got so busy with STUFF that I forgot to ask really mattered - so then I missed it. *sniff*

Made me thankful: That those branches that came down during the crazy wind last evening all missed our home and our vehicle.

Made me drool: the yummy chicken salad I made yesterday - chock full of grapes and pecans with a dash of curry. AND thinking about the crepes I want to order tonight at the Royal Diner.

Blessings:

• This place - comfortable, convenient, rather lovely and in a great location
• Good friends
• Repeated confirmations that we are on the right path
• My guy
• Good health

Reading: some of my old writings - getting ready to start editing

Watching tonight: Probably some NCIS episodes from the Netflix disc that has been waiting

Considering: menu options for tomorrow's cookout

Working on: Deleting stuff - whether online or in the magazine basket or the boxes in storage

Accomplishments: Cleaned out the office cabinet and pitched a pile of stuff

Lessons:

• Delete, delete, delete.
• Keep current.
• One thing at a time
• Don't forget to take care of me.

Looking forward to: having friends here tomorrow! Life on the road gets lonely sometimes so we are grateful whenever we can spend time with dear friends.

40 days! Now 30 days?

About 40 days ago a friend passed along a challenge to get rid of 40 bags in 40 days. I decided to modify it for my own challenge - to 40 items. Pitch the items. Or clean out the drawer - or the inbox. Clean off the shelf. Finish the project. So yah, I decided I could count items, inboxes, or spaces like a drawer or shelf. I even counted old magazines that had piled up wanting for me to peruse them.

...

 

And so I did.

I dealt with 40 things.

I got rid of magazines.

I cleaned out inboxes.

I pitched things.

40 things.

40 days.

...

Some of them were small things. Small accomplishments. But they were things that needed to be done. That had piled up. That needed to be crossed off the list or banished from my space.

I feel good about myself.

...

It was a good exercise. I think I want to do it again, but I'm not sure how. Not sure about the specifics.

I am going to go one month at a time, but not sure about the details. It could be a crazy month for me. Transitional. Travel. Busy. I don't want to set myself up for failure. So...

 

 

One month. Thirty days.

I think maybe I'll start with 10 items - and then hopefully double it. Maybe even triple.

So I guess my goal will be to see how many things I can get rid of this month.

...

Want to join me?

What would you like to get rid of?

How much do you want to let go of during April?

Move forward

You can't move forward

and stay in the past at the same time.

It just doesn't work that way.

There are some things you can take with you

 

and there are some things

you have to leave behind

 

because

 

there just isn't room for them

where you are going.

It's time to move on

 

and into the next place.

 

 

It's all good.

Be free.

 

　

- Toni Imsen

40-day decluttering challenge

Yesterday a friend shared the idea of the 40 bags in 40 days de-cluttering challenge.

At first I didn't think it applied to me because most of my stuff that I need to get rid of is stacked up in our storage unit in frozen Michigan. And here we are in the South living in our RV which is already pared down and pretty well de-cluttered - a model of simplicity, my hubby says.

But then I remembered that I had a few things set aside that I had decided to let go of so they needed new homes. And I had those four small bags of plastic shopping bags that I would really like to recycle.

Soooooooo.......... I loaded them up and went searching for a thrift store. (Yes, I had just asked my friend where to find one.) Okay; there we go. I delivered my five little bags to the thrift store. BTW, they seemed very happy to get those shopping bags.

...

Well, then I thought maybe I'll see if I can come up with more things to get rid of. I don't know that I would succeed at doing something every day. But hey, let's see how much I can do. I think I will tally things up and use the total number to measure my success. Of course, any number is better than none.

And what counts?

Not just bags, I decided, but other things as well.
A shelf or a drawer could count - or maybe just a pile. Or maybe even just ONE item - that needs some kind of action. Just one thing that I can get out of the way. Or as the original challenge suggests, maybe it will be just one "spot" that I tackle and conquer.

Maybe it will be my inbox. That crazy thing just keeps filling up and I try to keep it current - with varying degrees of success. So maybe once in awhile I will clean it all out - and count that for my day. For my list.

So here we go...

My forty day de-cluttering challenge.

Want to join me?

Can we get rid of 40 things in 40 days?

Tell me your plan in the comments below and maybe come back here to report when you do it.



...

How shall I then respond?

So what is my response to these amazing happenings? It has been fun to reminisce about our journey so far. To shake my head and wonder about all of the parts. The causes and effects...
How in the world did this happen?
Why are we so blessed?

...

If some of the things that have happened to us are beyond our control, how should we respond?

If they are blessings? Gifts of grace?

If we have done nothing to earn it...

If we can take no credit for it...

Then what shall I do with it?

No reason to be arrogant or conceited if I didn't earn this blessing.

I can't really be proud of it. I can't brag about it.

...

But I can be thankful.

I can receive it as the gift that it is.

And so I do.

I often pause to feel my gratitude.

...


And what about those other things?

The ones that we DID work hard to accomplish...

The conscious decisions that we made...

The steps we took...

The sacrifices we made...

Yes, I guess I can be proud of those.

They didn't come naturally and they didn't come easily.

...

Before we started this process, I may have believed that minimalism is easy for some people. And since it did not seem easy or natural for me, I may have even believed that it was not possible for me.

But then I came across these lines from Vincent Nguyen, a fellow Tribe Writer, in a guest post at "becoming minimalist." He listed many objections that people offer - including this one: "Minimalism is easy for you. It’s your personality to live with less. But that’s not me!"

Vincent says:

Though there may be some truth in that statement, it’s certainly not all personality. Minimalism is a conscious decision to pursue less. Many of us have made it and almost none of us had it completely easy.

I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide, 'I’m going to be minimalist!' For me, it happened through a series of realizations and struggles. A lot of thinking and sacrifices took place.

I didn’t decide to love less because of my personality. I decided to live with less because I saw value in it. There may be some people out there who desire less since birth, but they are a small minority. The rest of us struggled through it. Eventually, we thanked ourselves for doing so.

Vincent was describing us. It had happened gradually - "through a series of realizations and struggles." Yes, a series. A process. His last line really caught my attention...

The rest of us struggled through it.

 

Eventually,

 

WE THANKED OURSELVES

 

for doing so.

I was intrigued by the idea of thanking ourselves. We can thank ourselves? That caught me off guard, but then I thought, "Hey, why not?"

I guess we can. We can thank ourselves for being willing to even consider this process.

We can thank each other for being sensitive and compassionate about the tough choices.

We can thank me for coming to a place where I was willing to let go of the place that has been in my family for three generations. And to let go of the heirloom china cabinet from four generations on the other side of my family.

I can thank Bob for his patience with me in the midst of all of those agonizing decisions - both the big dramatic ones AND the thousands of little bitty ones.

I can definitely thank him for his hard work in hauling our stuff from the big house to the storage shed and then to wherever they all ended up going.

I can also thank him for his good example of keeping things current - which is absolutely vital as we live in smaller spaces now.

We can thank each other for the diligence and persistence to keep at the task for all these years - box by box, shelf by shelf, bin by bin.

...

But you know what? It's not just the two of us.

There are so many others who have helped us in this process - some from a distance and some nearby. I don't suppose we could have done this without the support of others - which came in various forms.

There was the friend who taught me at the beginning of this process that we have far more than "things" by which to remember our loved ones. And other friends who have reinforced that concept and who have reassured me in so many ways.

There was the friend who pointed out that we did have assets that we could make use of. For example; we COULD sell the farm. And yes, even though we were not yet willing to consider it at that moment, the seed was planted.

There are so many friends who by encouragement and example have helped to open our eyes - not only to the possibility but also to the value of a simpler life and freedom from so much stuff.

There are the friends in my support group who have been so quick to encourage me to keep going in the midst of big projects, to pick me up when I felt defeated or exhausted, to remind me of truth when I couldn't see past my frustration, to correct my perspective when necessary, and to simply offer kind compassionate pats on the back.

There are friends who have given me books and other resources that have been helpful in my re-training myself.

And there are friends who have offered a new home for some of my cherished possessions that I just couldn't abandon.

I say thank you to each of those friends.

...

And besides these dear friends, there are also those who don't even know us, but who have helped us on this journey. There are the bloggers and the authors who have contributed to our education. I am currently grateful for Joshua Becker at "becoming minimalist" because his regular posts have reminded me of many of the reasons why we have been making these tough decisions. And he continually offers tools and resources to help with the process. He and others like him have helped us understand the reasons for living a simpler life.

Our purpose for downsizing is not to deprive ourselves. To the contrary, it has been to make room for the things that really matter. We wouldn't have voluntarily chosen to let go of so many GOOD things if not to make space for the BEST.

...

Yes, I am happy to give thanks - to and for all of those who have helped us make this transition.

Thank you. All of you.

...

   Continue with the next post...

        ...or see the entire series here.