Looking back: One year ago

Chapter One: Southern California

It was just one year ago today that we turned the page ending Chapter One of our life in this rig. This cozy little spot. Our new place of abode. This little space where we've lived for over twelve months now.

Bob had come to the end of his first work-camping commitment. Life in the Santa Clarita Valley was good. The little town of Fillmore, California, was a fun place to land for five months. The lovely fertile valley is such a contrast to the surrounding drought-stricken area. What fun to live and work and walk among the groves of oranges and avocados. We were intrigued by the history and culture of our quaint little town, but also thrilled to be near the ocean and near some of our family as well. We wished to be even closer - both to the shore and to the kids, but what a blessing to at least be involved in their lives a bit. 

Our new life on the road was off to a good start. Chapter One had been good. We were grateful for the opportunities of the previous months and excited for the journey ahead. As we turned the page from our time in southern California we also turned the corner to head north up the West Coast for Chapter Two: the highway to Alaska.
...
And now a year later, I notice a bit of irony.  Something different between last year and this year. Last year on this date, we were glad to be done with the five-month stint that had kept us tied down in one spot. We were getting antsy. Ready to be on the move. When campers pulled out from Kenney Grove after camping for a few days, we began to wish that we could hitch up and join them.

This year is almost the opposite. Since we seem to be still recovering from the winter and spring in the South and up the East Coast we are pretty content to stay put for the next few months. When the Memorial Weekend crowd started to thin out earlier this week and the campground emptied out, we grinned at each other as we noticed how quiet it was. This time we are feeling glad that we get to stay put.

The perfect spot

A place doesn't have to be perfect to be just right.

Hubby wrote a blog post about that...

Two lives, two stories

Life A was my life as an insider.
A life of always striving...
To do right and to be right.
Of needing to impress.
A life of rules.
A life of effort.
A life of diligence and discipline.
A life of restriction.

...

Life B is my life outside the walls.
A life where it's okay to ask questions.
Where it is safe to express doubt.
Or wonderings.
A life where I don't have to always be right - nor have all the answers.
A life where people make mistakes and aren't afraid to admit them - even the leaders.
A life of grace.
A life of adventure.
A life of trust.
A life of freedom.

...

I never want to go back to Life A.
Unfortunately I catch myself once in awhile...
Still clinging to that life.
Still fearing condemnation.
Still following the rules.
Still needing to be right.
Still wanting to impress.
Still pretending to have all the answers.


Fortunately that happens only rarely.
Most of the time I am thrilled to be breathing the air of freedom.
Most of the time I can't imagine going back inside.

Officially old

I am officially old today. And that's okay.

The number we assign to "old" changes as we edge closer to it. But this is the official one. This is the birthday that might be most commonly associated with being officially old. At least a turning point. Retirement age.

I am officially old today. And it's not just okay; it's pretty cool.

Well, now... Feeling old is another thing. Not so fun to feel old - but then that can happen with any birthday and often in between.

But being old... Having the privilege of getting old... Now that's something to cherish - especially after going through two bouts of cancer. We joke about how getting old is better than the alternative - of not getting old.

Yep, it is good to have a sense of humor about this aging thing. But I'm dead serious in my sense of gratitude to be here. To be at this moment in my life. To be able to live this new adventure with my dear man. To have the freedom to move about and be near our kids and grandkids. To be mobile. To travel. To explore more of the world and to live in different places. To try new things.

What a privilege! May the occasional stiff joints serve to remind me to be grateful for the mobility I do have and to take advantage of it. And may I celebrate every moment of this new year.

Yep, I am officially old today. And loving it!!!

Mother's Day - happy or not so much

I didn't like Mother's Day very much for awhile. And then I kinda' liked it and then I didn't again. Back and forth through the years. My reasons ranged from silly to downright painful and barely scratched the surface of what others have experienced. The Hallmark event causes an array of negative emotions for many women and even for some men - ranging from shame and embarrassment to a sense of betrayal, from insecurity to a sense of failure, from the disappointment of unmet expectations to deep grief and mourning of profound loss.

Anne Lamott speaks against the sense of entitlement and superiority that can develop from all of the hype in the M.D. commercials and in our churches this one day in May. I am embarrassed to admit that I have battled attitudes like arrogance and insensitivity.

Do mothers deserve to be appreciated and honored? Of course they do. Should they be supported and rewarded? Absolutely. But not just on one day. And hopefully not in ways that cause pain and grief to non-mothers and those that are less than perfect in their efforts.

I am grateful for my mom and will honor her because I choose to. I am proud of my kids and grandkids. I celebrate the new life growing within my firstborn and am thrilled to wish her a happier Mother's Day than she's yet experienced. But I also choose once again to remember those for whom this day is painful. To dear friends in that category, I send hugs. I wish I could kiss it and make it all better.