Twenty years

I got the phone call with the dreaded news twenty years ago today.

Yes, it is cancer.  

Two days before Christmas.

Such a diagnosis claims instant power to freeze the frames of your life.

Fear barges into the picture.

Questions cry out.

Priorities shift.

Christmas plans fade into the shadows along with other duties and responsibilities… until slowly… we are somehow able to step out from behind the bad news and go through the motions of the celebration that continues around us.  Life goes on - or so we hope.

I have no idea why I was one of the lucky ones with good outcomes in my treatment plan. No clue why I’m a survivor even while losing dear friends and family members to cancer.

Yes, I am grateful for my good fortune. 

And yes, I am aware of some sense of pressure to live well. 

I often think of those dear ones and wish they could still have that privilege.  What a blessing to have had them in my life and to have learned valuable lessons from every one of them.

Becky 

Jerry

Karin

Jodi

Karina

Ron

I think of others who have also lost dear ones to this awful disease.  

And other diseases.

And reckless drivers.

And acts of war.

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with such sadness.

All I know to do is to care.

To offer kindness and compassion.

Thankful for kindness and respect

Today I am thankful for friends who are reasonable and real and honest, but also kind and respectful.  They almost feel like a rare breed in these days of division and vitriol and it can feel tricky to find safe places to think and talk and process.

I don’t fit on “this” side nor do I want to stand on “that” side.

They both feel dangerous and scary.

I tend to withdraw and avoid.

But I need to process the hard stuff.

I need perspective for my blind spots.

I need correction where I’m just plain wrong.

I’m so glad that there ARE people out there who are safe.

There are people who are reasonable.  

Who are kind and compassionate and patient.

Who remind me to do the best I can. 

And to keep learning… 

So that I can do better.

I am grateful to know such people.