The story of a decade

It’s NaNo time again.  That time of year when people all over the world come up with an idea for a story... and an ambitious plan to type a bunch of words every day... for a total of 50,000 words during the month of November.  I have succeeded in cranking out those words 10 different times so I know I can do that part.  This year I've set my hopes a little higher; I plan to end up with an actual story that can be edited and published.   

Here are a few of today’s unedited lines…

Riding the rails...

Sure enough, the railroad offers a different vantage point.

Cuts through cities and small towns and farm land...

Backyards and industrial yards...

Cuts through them quickly. In the blink of an eye…

Clackity-clack.

…

Sell the Christmas tree farm?

That’s just crazy!

You’re kidding me; right?

Well, sure we want to travel and have some adventures…  but we most certainly want to come back home… to this amazing place!

…

How dare they?

Don’t they know that good kids come back home and put down roots?

They get married and have 2.5 kids.

They land respectable jobs and buy a nice house with a big garden and a white picket fence.

They put down roots and contribute to society.

They go to church and raise their kids in the fear and admonition of the LORD.

They are faithful and responsible.

Don’t they know that faithful and responsible also mean unchanging and unwavering?

They are telling our story

I've just been introduced to Dave and Sheryl Balthrop and have learned some of their story about selling their house and combining households with her mom. They blog about their journey at Simple Life Reboot.

They are telling our story. Well, they are telling THEIR story but some of it is just like our story.  Sure; the details are different, but they are articulating many of our thoughts almost verbatim.

Here are just a few lines from Dave and Sheryl that are almost exactly what we've said and thought - illustrated by a couple of our pictures.

"While we recognized that our over-sized house used most of our resources,

we justified the expenditures by telling ourselves

that we needed to maintain a large legacy home

that could serve as a gathering place for our children and future grandchildren.

"But we began to realize that they weren’t really gonna’ come back all that often. 

We were gonna’ need to go see them. 

Their lives were busy."

"A big part of what drives us is our kids.

What they’re into

What they’re doing and

Our ability to stay in contact with them

"But the house was sorta’ tying us down.

"The house that we thought was so important  

to keep for them to come home to...

This house might be the obstacle hindering us from going to see the kids."

…

Dave summarizes: 

"Early on, we realized it was the right thing to do.

As we got further into the process,

we knew that it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing."

...

Sheryl remembers:

"It was emotional.

What will people think?"

...

Regarding downsizing:

"We ... consider it an advance gift to our children

in that they would never have to deal with boxes and boxes

of unneeded items which we edited from our lives."

Regarding the gatherings, Sheryl wondered if the kids would come to her mom’s house for Christmas and other gatherings.

"Would they still come?"

"Would they feel comfortable?"

And then she answers the question:

"Yes, they still come. 

It gets a little silly, with lots of blow-up beds,

but I think it’s more of an adventure.

"They’re coming to spend time with us and with each other, 

not to be in a particular space."

Yes, we have said and thought almost these exact things about the place and the people.

...

And here are a few other wise words from Dave:

"I believe we move towards that which we contemplate."  

Now there's something to contemplate.

Read more of their story HERE.

Disclaimer

As I wrote about our day at Playa Rincon below, I got all choked up thinking about all kinds of blessings I've received. 

But I also got a little scared and a little sad.

So then I wrote this disclaimer.

Disclaimer:

Once again as I write about the amazing adventures we have been able to discover, I find myself hoping that my readers will not feel discouraged or sad or jealous. Really. That really bothers me when I write. Because I know what it feels like to read stuff like this and to think, “Dang! I wish I could do that.” Or “I could never afford to go there.” 

I remember those feelings so well. I remember the obstacles very clearly and how large they loomed and how impossible it all seemed. 

In fact I still have to deal with those feelings - like when I visit a beautiful resort right on the water and wonder if we'll ever be able to stay at a place like that again. And then I come home and drag myself up the stairs to our little studio apartment where I can hear the waves but can't see them - because this is what we can afford. This is what we have been able to make work for this season in our lives.

I am the first to admit that we have been greatly blessed - in so many ways. We have obviously been the beneficiaries of some wonderful good fortune and I am grateful. 

BUT… 

There have been tough choices. 

We have chosen to make some huge sacrifices. 

BECAUSE we have become convinced that it is worth it.

All of our situations are different, and our obstacles are different but… and this is what I wish I could say to my readers… 

An obstacle mentality can keep us stuck. 

And that the turning point for me was when we began to ask “What if…?” as a positive question rather than just a scary one. That was when we began to get creative in searching for opportunities.

So please, PLEASE don’t let my stories discourage you just because they are different than yours.  Please don't think that they are better than your stories.

Maybe you don’t need or want to change your story.  Lots of times I read someone else’s story and think it is so cool, but at the same time it may help me appreciate details in my own life that I hadn’t noticed before. Are there things in your life that you could appreciate or enjoy more than you do?

Or maybe you DO want to make some changes. Let me remind you that even huge change often starts with very small steps. Teeny, tiny steps. So, so many of our changes have come about by such tiny steps that I fight discouragement all along the way.  My friends could tell you about some of the times when I start whining about how my progress seems to be so terribly slow.

...

And then there is the matter of perspective...

Okay; it's true that I might not be too happy if this were my house. I suppose I'd be whining and complaining. And probably (hopefully) I would be working hard to make some "needed" changes. I mean this is one UGLY house! Beat-up! Run-down! 

But when I stop and think that it is only one small part of a much bigger picture (Can you find this house in the photo at top of page?) maybe I would remember that some things just might be worth putting up with for the privilege of having a room with a view!

Or not...

So maybe there are questions to consider... 

What could/should you do with that difficult part of your life?

That ugly spot?

Are there changes that you can and should make?

What sacrifices are you willing to make to produce those changes?

On the other hand, what other things do you want to hang onto?

Which things are worth the discomfort and/or inconvenience of living where you do?

What are you willing to live with for the sake of something else?

...

Dear readers, 

I hope you love your own stories. 

I mean that.

I mean I hope there are lots of things in your story that you already love - or that you want to learn to love.

But I also hope that you choose to love your story - in that you are willing to make it into something wonderful. Something better. 

Such silliness

Warning: this story is silly.

I mean absurdly, ridiculously silly and trivial.

But hey, I try to celebrate the little victories in life. Even the silly ones.

And maybe even learn from them.

…

You know how sometimes we sit around the table talking and laughing - maybe for hours? And you know how easy it is to keep munching and nibbling away at the things that are nearby? Obviously you are no longer hungry, but once the bloat of fullness fades a teeny bit and the tryptophan has lulled all sense of reason into oblivion, the contents of those giant platters and serving bowls somehow start to look appealing again.

Well, there I sat beginning to notice that succulent piece of turkey on the edge of that platter - or to think about how I might be able to find room for another small portion of that sweet potato concoction. I admit I was ready to reach for first one and then another…. Except for one minor detail. 

For some silly reason, there was water on my plate. Maybe I had poured out the last couple ounces of water from my glass to make room for something sparkly. I think it was something like that. I suppose it made sense at the time because surely I was done eating and finished with my plate.

At any rate, there was this little pool of water there in the middle of my plate - as I sat there sipping my sparkling beverage and enjoying the conversation and laughter floating around the room.

After awhile, sure enough, I began to notice that platter of turkey sitting nearby - AND another of ham. Oh, my; they were both so yummy and I had been careful not to eat very much. But now… Now after sitting here for a couple hours… Now maybe I could find room for just a little snipper…

Oh, wait; there’s a little pool of water on my plate. Okay; I won’t bother. I don’t need more food anyway. 

More talking and listening and laughing and learning what’s happening in everybody’s life. Good times.

Oh, but look! There is that amazing stuffing with all of the secret ingredients stuffed inside. I sure would be nice to get another tiny serving of that. Let’s see; maybe I will. Oh, wait; nope, there’s still that little pool of water on my plate. Wouldn’t want it to make my stolen serving of stuffing soggy, now would I?

Of course, by now I began to argue with myself. I could get up and take that offending plate to the kitchen and get rid of the little pool of water. But no, that would take effort. And besides this gives me a good excuse to not eat more. Hmmm… Interesting.

Back to the friendly banter in the room. Fun times.

But it happened again. And again. There was that pecan-encrusted sweet potato dish. Oh, yum. Ooh, and the scalloped corn soufflé or whatever it is called. Maybe it’s time for just a little more of one of those. Gotta’ eat my vegetables; right? Oops; nope. There’s that little pool of water. How silly! 

Of course, by then, I had become aware what was happening - smart girl that I am. It had dawned on me that I had before me a perfect deterrent - albeit a silly one. And that my laziness was at least helping me to avoid some serious over-eating. I had to chuckle while silently congratulating myself. Such silliness. But hey, maybe this is what they call mindful eating. This noticing and monitoring my own private internal battle - and even recognizing the humor in it. Who knows? 

…

The moral of the story?

In my battle against gluttony, one of the few things that seems to work for me (WHEN I choose to employ it!) is to wait. Instead of popping something into my mouth, simply wait. Wait a little longer before eating that morsel that is calling my name. Wait. Maybe 15 minutes. Maybe I can only make it 5 minutes. Or maybe I can sail through the 15 minutes and decide to wait even longer. Maybe I can wait until I finish this project or cross one more item off my to-do list. 

Maybe I can grab onto some silly reason to wait. Like maybe there is a little pool of water on my plate. And maybe I’m too lazy to get out of my chair and do something about it. So maybe I will let that become my reason to wait. Whatever works. Whatever reason I can find to postpone eating something that I don’t need. 

Creative procrastination. That’s what I like to call it. 

Maybe that’s the moral of the story.

Maybe I can continue to learn from it.

Maybe I can be alert to whatever will help me next week when the Christmas foods appear.

…

How about you? 

Do you employ any silly tactics to avoid gluttony during this season of abundance?

More power to you.

How in the world...?

How did we get from there to here? Sometimes I just shake my head in amazement at the huge changes in our lives in the last few years. What a journey it has been. What an adventure.

Some of the changes are obvious and have been rather dramatic. We have let go of the Christmas tree farm and the house we built and lived in for four decades. The home where we raised our kids and a whole bunch of other kids, too. Somehow we have walked away from that safe, secure, comfortable life and find ourselves out here on the road on a wild and crazy adventure.

Some of the changes have been more subtle or less visible or something, but have still been huge and dramatic in their own way. After six decades of being entrenched in church ministry, we have been catapulted from inside the walls of the institution and have landed somewhere outside of organized religion. What a journey that has been - leaving a life of over-commitment where my identity was wrapped up in my leadership role and now finding the courage to discover who I am as a person. To be willing to ask honest questions and begin to figure out which things really matter (like what did Jesus really say?) and to let go of the man-made stuff of religion. To get free from the legalistic striving for God's approval and the accompanying fear and condemnation and to finally begin to understand grace. ... Oh, what a wonderful thing. So amazing. To be set free. To be healed and restored.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

How in the world did we get here? Here we are - out here on the road living the dream. We are portable. We are free to go where we wish. We get to see new places and do some exciting stuff. We get to walk on the beach every day instead of on icy roads. We get to meet people from all over the world. We get to taste different foods. I get to live my dream of being a writer - except for making an income from it. And I get to do all of this with my best friend and favorite person in the world. And we are healthy and happy. What a boatload of blessings! How in the world did we get here?

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

At the same time I am painfully aware of friends and loved ones who don't have it so good. There have been too many moments when we were celebrating a momentous occasion even while dear friends were dealing with pain and fear and heartache. That's just life. There will always be good news and bad news intermingled in our lives and the lives of those around us.

It's tricky to celebrate your own good news in the presence of so much bad news going on. It can feel weird being one of the lucky ones when those around us are not so lucky. After dealing with my own cancer diagnosis and treatment and then recurrence and more treatment, I came through as one of the survivors - acutely aware that not everyone does. Friends were on a similar calendar to ours. We (their son and I) were diagnosed with cancer about the same time. We went through chemo during the same months. We were both bald that summer. But then I survived and he didn't - so it was weird to see his parents. I didn't know what to say to them. How to act. It felt like my presence could seem like a slap in the face - that here I was, but he was gone.

Similar feelings surface when we head out on an adventure at the very moment that someone else is dealing with sickness or death or heartache. We know that they don't want us to hide our excitement or our plans from them, but at the same time we don't want to flaunt our good fortune in the midst of their grief and pain.

In our spiritual journey as well, when we speak about how grateful we are for the circumstances that set us free and when we rejoice about grace and about being able to live without fear of condemnation, we are aware of those who have been deeply wounded or are still stuck inside the legalistic system. I certainly don't want to make anyone feel worse about their own bondage - except as it might help them encounter grace.

 So I want to be careful. To be considerate and compassionate. To be sensitive to the pain of others. At the same time, there is much to celebrate in our lives and I know that it doesn't do anybody any good for us to refuse to enjoy our blessings.

And so we do enjoy the good things that have come our way. And we do celebrate. And we do talk about them and write about them rather than trying to hide them or keep them to ourselves.

But still we shake our heads and wonder...

How in the world did we get here?

Why do we get to be among the lucky ones?

Why have we been given good news while others receive bad news?

 

...
 
    Continue with the next post... 
           ...or see the entire series here.  

 

Novel November

November is National Novel Writing Month


Once again I participated in National Novel Writing Month this year. Once again I won - which means that I succeeded in writing more than 50,000 words during the month of November. It wasn't the story that I planned to write, but the words flowed and you better believe I counted them. All 64,772 of them.

This was my fifth time to participate in NaNo - and to win - but I suppose some people would question the value of it. After all I have not yet edited and published any of those stories. However from Year One I've been convinced of the value of such an endeavor - for many reasons. I don't suppose I have the energy to detail those reasons at the moment but surely I'll write about them at another time.

This year's success is even sweeter because I managed to get it done in the midst of an otherwise crazy busy month. Other years I've tried to keep November rather free so that I could really focus on NaNo, but that was not an option this year. But still I did it. I pushed myself and cranked out the words and I'm proud of my accomplishment.
 So another November has come and gone. A November like no other. Lots of changes in my world and in my life. But some things have stayed the same and NaNoWriMo was one of them. Yay!!!

Sunday sermon - always welcome, no matter what

Even delicate subjects could be introduced and discussed in this home. No heated discussions. An environment was cultivated in the home that assured openness and honesty.

The father waits for God to do what he cannot do. Dad was the magnet.

You're always welcome at home.

No matter what your condition.

No matter what others think of you.

The father became a model of authentic Christianity.
...

I came across these lines from a sermon preached by Mark Bolender at Brown City camp many many years ago - about the welcoming father in Luke 15.

What a contrast to some of the stories I've heard recently of Christian parents who make unrealistic demands on their kids and refuse to welcome them.

These modern day stories remind me more of the older brother - about whom Mark Bolender said this: The older brother lives by the clipboard. He was keeping a record. Older brothers are always around, keeping track of you. They are harder to please than the father, because they don't understand grace.
Ouch! I have been that older brother. Clipboard living is my natural tendency and it breaks my heart to recognize it in myself.

But I also know how it feels to be judged by the older brother. To try to please those who live by the clipboard. Those who keep records. Those who express their displeasure at attitudes, actions, beliefs or routines different from their own. Those who resent the father's love for the wanderer.
...

These lines are the few I chose to save from pages and pages of sermon notes in that one particular notebook. And there are yet more and more boxes of notebooks filled with sermon notes and all kinds of stuff from my years as a religious insider. Those piles of boxes seem somehow symbolic of all the things I was taught during those decades - and the things I taught to others. They were the foundation of my weltanschauung - my worldview.

Since being catapulted from that world of organized religion, and since beginning to understand what it feels like to be an outsider, I have a new perspective. A very different viewpoint.

It is important to note that as I have been processing all that I was taught to believe, I have tried to be careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water. That is an interesting process, by the way, because it requires first figuring out which is the baby - that which is precious, that which really matters and should be cherished. Identifying which is the really important makes it easier to let go of the rest - because it is simply dirty water.

So yes, it is interesting to be sorting through the bins and boxes from a lifetime lived in the same house while simultaneously sorting through the layers and layers of truths and Truth that I have willingly consumed over a lifetime of being a good kid. A rule-keeper. A pleaser who feared God and tried to please everybody. A fixer. An older brother - or an older sister anyway - who wanted to set a good example for others, but who also tended to impose my expectations on them. Someone who often struggled to sort through all the good trying to discern what is best.
...

This story in Luke 15 has always amazed me. I am attracted by the love shown by the father. I am saddened by the attitude of the older brother - whether seen in myself or in others around me.

Living by the clipboard is NOT the model of authentic Christianity. I don't want to live like that anymore. And you know what? I don't have to. We don't have to. We can choose to be critical clipboard-carrying older brothers. Or we can choose to be welcoming and loving. And that is one of the things that really matter.

God help us make the right choice. People's lives depend on it.

How could the end be happy?

Frodo:  I can't do this, Sam.

Sam:  I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
 
Frodo:  What are we holding onto, Sam?
 
Sam:  That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.
 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

...

My friend is in the middle of the story - where it's all wrong.  Full of darkness and danger.  Wondering how the end could be happy when so much bad has happened.

That particular part of my story has passed. That dark and dangerous part.  That shadow.  Sure enough; even darkness must pass.  A new day has come.  The sun shines out the clearer.

I want to encourage my friend to hold on, but I do not want to be insensitive to the danger and the fear.  May I always remember enough of the dark parts of the story to be a good friend.

...

How about you?  Where are you in your story?  Is it still dark and dangerous or has the sun begun to shine again?  Are you able to remember the great stories - the ones that really matter - and to see that you might be in the middle of one?  Can you find something - anything - to hold on to?

What is the story going to be?

 "The thing about writing a story in real life and on paper is half the effort is just figuring out what the story is going to be."

~Robert McKee, author of a "screenwriters' bible" called Story: Substance, Structure, Style and the Principles of Screenwriting

...
Does it resonate with you? It definitely does with me. I often feel this "pressure" of trying to figure out the direction I want to go with all of the ideas that swirl in my head.

And now that the dilemma is verified by this expert, Robert McKee, now what is the solution? Guess maybe I need to read his book. Or even re-read Donald Miller's "Million Miles."

A million miles in a thousand years

 by Donald Miller

You could say it's a book about writing. Or you could say it's a book about life. Better yet, call it a book about how writing is like life. Specifically it is about story - as it applies to writing and to life.

Miller explores what it takes to make a story and how those same ingredients are needed to write a good story of our life. An interesting comparison.

So what is the essence of story? A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. The book is organized by those segments:

• Part Two: A Character
• Part Three: A Character Who Wants Something
• Part Four: A Character Who Wants Something and Overcomes Conflict
• Part Five: A Character Who Wants Something and Overcomes Conflict to Get It

I'm finding it to be an interesting read with some good challenges for life as well as for writing.