How in the world...?

How did we get from there to here? Sometimes I just shake my head in amazement at the huge changes in our lives in the last few years. What a journey it has been. What an adventure.

Some of the changes are obvious and have been rather dramatic. We have let go of the Christmas tree farm and the house we built and lived in for four decades. The home where we raised our kids and a whole bunch of other kids, too. Somehow we have walked away from that safe, secure, comfortable life and find ourselves out here on the road on a wild and crazy adventure.

Some of the changes have been more subtle or less visible or something, but have still been huge and dramatic in their own way. After six decades of being entrenched in church ministry, we have been catapulted from inside the walls of the institution and have landed somewhere outside of organized religion. What a journey that has been - leaving a life of over-commitment where my identity was wrapped up in my leadership role and now finding the courage to discover who I am as a person. To be willing to ask honest questions and begin to figure out which things really matter (like what did Jesus really say?) and to let go of the man-made stuff of religion. To get free from the legalistic striving for God's approval and the accompanying fear and condemnation and to finally begin to understand grace. ... Oh, what a wonderful thing. So amazing. To be set free. To be healed and restored.

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How in the world did we get here? Here we are - out here on the road living the dream. We are portable. We are free to go where we wish. We get to see new places and do some exciting stuff. We get to walk on the beach every day instead of on icy roads. We get to meet people from all over the world. We get to taste different foods. I get to live my dream of being a writer - except for making an income from it. And I get to do all of this with my best friend and favorite person in the world. And we are healthy and happy. What a boatload of blessings! How in the world did we get here?

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At the same time I am painfully aware of friends and loved ones who don't have it so good. There have been too many moments when we were celebrating a momentous occasion even while dear friends were dealing with pain and fear and heartache. That's just life. There will always be good news and bad news intermingled in our lives and the lives of those around us.

It's tricky to celebrate your own good news in the presence of so much bad news going on. It can feel weird being one of the lucky ones when those around us are not so lucky. After dealing with my own cancer diagnosis and treatment and then recurrence and more treatment, I came through as one of the survivors - acutely aware that not everyone does. Friends were on a similar calendar to ours. We (their son and I) were diagnosed with cancer about the same time. We went through chemo during the same months. We were both bald that summer. But then I survived and he didn't - so it was weird to see his parents. I didn't know what to say to them. How to act. It felt like my presence could seem like a slap in the face - that here I was, but he was gone.

Similar feelings surface when we head out on an adventure at the very moment that someone else is dealing with sickness or death or heartache. We know that they don't want us to hide our excitement or our plans from them, but at the same time we don't want to flaunt our good fortune in the midst of their grief and pain.

In our spiritual journey as well, when we speak about how grateful we are for the circumstances that set us free and when we rejoice about grace and about being able to live without fear of condemnation, we are aware of those who have been deeply wounded or are still stuck inside the legalistic system. I certainly don't want to make anyone feel worse about their own bondage - except as it might help them encounter grace.

 So I want to be careful. To be considerate and compassionate. To be sensitive to the pain of others. At the same time, there is much to celebrate in our lives and I know that it doesn't do anybody any good for us to refuse to enjoy our blessings.

And so we do enjoy the good things that have come our way. And we do celebrate. And we do talk about them and write about them rather than trying to hide them or keep them to ourselves.

But still we shake our heads and wonder...

How in the world did we get here?

Why do we get to be among the lucky ones?

Why have we been given good news while others receive bad news?

 

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