The gift of un-busy

"Slow down.

Clear your calendar.

Take time to breathe deeply
and enjoy the season."

A few years ago I worked hard to get to a place of un-busy.  Sure enough, I very much enjoyed the feeling of simplicity.  I asked myself about that the other day - how I did it and why I let it slip away.

Oh, yah, it was because we were out there living on the road…

• Away from our world and our peeps
• Away from our roots.
• Away from friends and family
• Away from any kind of social life
• Away from time commitments

It was nice to not be so busy.  

To not always be scurrying or feeling behind

But it wasn’t perfect.

I missed my peeps, those little grands, our kids, and dear friends.

I missed having at least a bit of a social life.

So here we are a couple years later and we’ve again put down roots. Even though we knew hardly anyone when we moved here, we found ourselves surrounded by wonderful people who soon became friends.  Options and opportunities abound in this place so I just had to try everything.  

Until I couldn’t.

Until I remembered that I can’t do it all.

That I might have to re-teach myself how to pick and choose only the best.  I had to admit that my old tendency to over-commit had returned with a vengeance.  I needed to step back and make some changes.

For three months now I have been intentionally finding my way back toward un-busy.  Not there yet, but I am beginning to breathe easier.

This would be the perfect spot for my magical list of three easy steps to find un-busy.  Sorry; I haven’t found time to come up with a neat list all tied up with a bow.  I’m still in the trenches on this - reminding myself to notice how I’m doing and to ask the hard questions about my choices.  I’m still finding my way back to sanity.  I choose to give myself the gift of un-busy again.  To live at a healthy pace.

Maybe next month I can come up with a handy-dandy list.  

Or maybe not.

More thoughts on May

May is gone 

Sadness about things I didn't get to do 

Regret for letting myself be ”too busy”

Almost as if I was gone 

But I wasn't gone

I was here

Yes, I was busy, doing some amazing stuff.

I was learning about poetry - even dabbled with writing it.

I was engaging neighbors and planning future events - and historical projects.

I was spending time with my mom.

I was caring for grand-kids.

I was not gone.

I was not on the other side of the country.

I was here.  

Available even.

...
As I look back on 2014, I don’t regret being “gone” that May.

Even though I was

Gone 

Inaccessible to my mom and my kids

But it was a good month  

An amazing experience

A great adventure

...

And now
May 2019

I’ve been in the middle of another adventure

Suspended in projects but somehow still available

Pretty amazing actually

Hey, I could be proud of myself

For coping  

Handling things

Juggling

So much

Balancing

Tweaking

Shifting as needed

I made it.

I fulfilled my tasks.

I did my job.

I celebrated art and artists.

I even rode a few miles on my bike.

Yes, I felt too busy.

Swamped and scattered

Slammed

But I held it together.

No major melt-downs

No real panic or crises

No harsh words

Wow; I’m starting to be impressed.

I’m pretty amazing.

May was pretty amazing now that I think about it.

How much is enough?

Is it just me? 

Or does anybody else ever feel like you're not doing enough?

Not doing THIS enough and not doing THAT enough...?

Other people have expectations of us.

Social media sets up unrealistic standards.

It can be easy to feel like I should be doing more.

I should do this or that more often.

More frequently.

More regularly. 

More consistently.

Or I should care more.

I should be more available.

I should be better at this...

(And yes, that's a whole lot of should's but that's a subject for another time.)

What a set-up for discouragement!

What a load of guilt can get dumped on us!

...

But you know what?

We simply cannot do it all!

Certainly not all of the things that everybody wants us to do - and not even everything that we might think we ought to do.

...

One of the best things I've ever done is to stop and ask:

How much is enough?

How much should I be doing really?

What is realistic?

What is healthy?

Reasonable?

What lines up with who I am?

With the kind of person I want to be, but also with my priorities and responsibilities...

...

It's tough to be objective about whether we are doing enough - especially when other people's expectations are far different from ours.  Sometimes we have to compromise and sometimes we must experiment to see what will actually work.

One of my ongoing examples is writing.

I can easily feel like I'm not writing enough.

Oh, dear; am I writing enough?

Perhaps the more important question is:

How much is enough?

How often is appropriate?

How MUCH should I do each time?

(How many words, how many projects, how many hours...?)

How in the world

will I know if I'm doing enough

if I don't have a clue

how much I should be doing?!?

I’m happy to report that this process is helping - with my writing, with relationships, with chores, with outside commitments...

Now when I begin to feel like I'm not doing enough I can pause and think about my answers to that key question.  I can much more objectively see that "Yes, I am doing enough at this moment" or maybe admit "Oops; it is true that I need to do that one more time this week."

It was no fun to be stuck in subjectivity and always feeling like I wasn't doing enough. 

Or wasn't doing something OFTEN enough.

Or LONG enough.

Or whatever...

It feels so much more reasonable and healthy to be able to take a look at my goals and at the reality and to see whether adjustments need to be made to my schedule.  I suppose it is a type of self-accountability.

This is a tool to become a better person.

A dependable worker

A faithful friend

More consistent

More reasonable

More balanced

And definitely a healthier person

More satisfied and contented

It feels good to be consistently doing the things that are important.

I like myself a whole lot better... 

They are telling our story

I've just been introduced to Dave and Sheryl Balthrop and have learned some of their story about selling their house and combining households with her mom. They blog about their journey at Simple Life Reboot.

They are telling our story. Well, they are telling THEIR story but some of it is just like our story.  Sure; the details are different, but they are articulating many of our thoughts almost verbatim.

Here are just a few lines from Dave and Sheryl that are almost exactly what we've said and thought - illustrated by a couple of our pictures.

"While we recognized that our over-sized house used most of our resources,

we justified the expenditures by telling ourselves

that we needed to maintain a large legacy home

that could serve as a gathering place for our children and future grandchildren.

"But we began to realize that they weren’t really gonna’ come back all that often. 

We were gonna’ need to go see them. 

Their lives were busy."

"A big part of what drives us is our kids.

What they’re into

What they’re doing and

Our ability to stay in contact with them

"But the house was sorta’ tying us down.

"The house that we thought was so important  

to keep for them to come home to...

This house might be the obstacle hindering us from going to see the kids."

…

Dave summarizes: 

"Early on, we realized it was the right thing to do.

As we got further into the process,

we knew that it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing."

...

Sheryl remembers:

"It was emotional.

What will people think?"

...

Regarding downsizing:

"We ... consider it an advance gift to our children

in that they would never have to deal with boxes and boxes

of unneeded items which we edited from our lives."

Regarding the gatherings, Sheryl wondered if the kids would come to her mom’s house for Christmas and other gatherings.

"Would they still come?"

"Would they feel comfortable?"

And then she answers the question:

"Yes, they still come. 

It gets a little silly, with lots of blow-up beds,

but I think it’s more of an adventure.

"They’re coming to spend time with us and with each other, 

not to be in a particular space."

Yes, we have said and thought almost these exact things about the place and the people.

...

And here are a few other wise words from Dave:

"I believe we move towards that which we contemplate."  

Now there's something to contemplate.

Read more of their story HERE.

ADD syndrome

I guess I have ADD syndrome.

I'm not talking about A.D.D. or A.D.H.D.
I simply mean ADD. I always want to ADD things to my life.

ADD more sea shells to my collection because they're so lovely.

ADD more kitchen utensils to make life more convenient.

ADD more clothes to my wardrobe because I get tired of the same old ones.

ADD more colorful beads to my brand-new Mardi Gras collection because they are so fun.

ADD more supplies in case we need them.

ADD more notepads that I can write in.

ADD more books on my to-read pile.

ADD more e-mail newsletters to my subscription list.

ADD more events to my calendar because they sound like fun.

ADD more commitments to my schedule because I've always been interested in this.

ADD more jobs to my to-do list.

~   ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

Slowly but surely I'm learning that I have to remove some of the old things in order to make room for the new. Living in a small space reminds me of that necessity.

But this list includes both physical things and also time commitments - which still trip me up.

I remember the day when I told hubby about something that I was going to add to my calendar. Some time commitment that seemed really important to me. He asked me what I was going to remove from my already busy schedule. I said I wasn't planning to remove anything. I thought I could fit it in.

All these years later I still tend to make that faulty assumption at times. I still find myself thinking that surely I can rearrange my day and my week to ADD this one extra thing. Ack!!!

Here's the deal: Something will get removed or it will get neglected or it will be done poorly. If I don't consciously choose something to set aside, it will still happen. Unfortunately, the thing that gets neglected or ignored might be something important.

I thought I had learned that lesson years ago. So why am I still trying to ADD things to my life without figuring out what to remove first?

I guess the syndrome maybe stays in your system and you just need to learn how to control it.


 
 

Less

Less.

I have been thinking about less.  Just letting the word hang out in my brain and see what it has to offer me.  To teach me.

I guess I began to focus on it when someone talked about picking a word for the year. That seemed like a good idea, but I don't know that I would make it work nor that I want to mess with having a word for the year. But still I remind myself of the word "less" sometimes because it seems like a good word.

Less is a good idea.

We have been seriously downsizing for three years. It has been crazy. Much has changed, I have been letting go of things until it hurts, but there is still too much stuff.

Less is good.

On several levels of my brain and my heart, I am convinced that I prefer less to more, but it is still so hard to get there. The process is excruciating and exhausting.  So I focus on the benefits, on the idea of less - and how liberating it is.

Less is good.

...

This actually makes me think of a sermon at Brown City Camp many years ago by Dave Engbrecht - about things he had chosen not to be good at. I don't remember many of the things on his list, but I do remember the prinicple he explained by saying that he was unwilling to invest the time and money and energy to be good at certain things (like playing golf, for example) because he knew that if he decided to make that investment, other things would suffer. That important people or projects would end up getting the leftovers of his resources.

I suppose that the idea appealed to me so much because I must have been getting a little weary of the quest for more.  I had always been such a pleaser and so submissive to all those other sermons. The ones that told me I must excel in this and that and everything imaginable. That I must do more. Pray more. Read my Bible more. Give more. Serve more. Be more patient. More faithful. More zealous.  Have more passion and more compassion. Be committed to excellence and success and striving. Always striving. Bah! I am so sick of striving. Where is the good news in that?

More, more, more.

...

And of course, it wasn't just at church that I heard about more. Pretty much everywhere we turn, "more" is the measure of success.  It's not enough to keep up with the Joneses; now we need more than they have.  Certainly more than we already have. More than we need. More than enough.

Oh wait, then there was that whole other sermon about "more than enough." To hear the guy tell about it that weekend and to read his book, we should not be satified with enough. Nope, we serve a God who provides more than enough - so why would we settle for only enough?  Good grief.  Somehow he made it sound good at the time, but it was just one more of the unhealthy things I swallowed.

...

And what about advertising and commercials that are all geared to convince us that we need more?  What a crock.

...

Where is the call for less? That's what I think I need. Certainly less food. Less stuff. Less toys.

Sometimes less is a good idea.

...

Maybe that's why this article caught my attention - this list of things we could do less.  Great ideas. Several from this list jump out at me as being really good places to start in my quest for less.

...

Oh dear; now there are a bunch more ideas flitting through my brain, so many more things to write about, but I think I'll stop right here. 

With less words rather than more.