What shall I write?

I want to write … so why don’t I?

Is it lack of discipline?

Maybe.

Lack of focus?

Quite possibly.

So many things around us are so confusing.

So much fear and frustration and anger and hate.

How do I know where to stand?

I don't know what to say.

I don’t even know what to think.

What to do with the heartbreak and empathy and fear.

What to do with my anger?

With the grief of so many people?

I so badly wish that I could make things better.

That I could fix things for the people who are terrified.

The anger pops up so easily.

I just wish I could shake perpetrators and get them to stop.

I want to be a hero but don’t know how.

I am quick to assume that those other people are villains.

I mean… if I’m right then they must be wrong.

I wish I could convince them to shape up.

I realize that I am judging.

I am pointing my finger at those I perceive as villains.

But wait... Finger-pointing is part of what I am so sad about.

Part of what breaks my heart…

That so many wonderful people have been assumed to be bad guys.

As villains who must be run out of town.

Banished from our borders.

That they have been collectively labeled as “what is wrong with our country” - often for no other reason than the color of their skin or that they don’t speak perfect English - or just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Or maybe just because some wannabe hero needed to meet his quota for the day. 

I still don’t know what to write about.

I can’t seem to make sense of my feelings - or of what is happening in our world.

I don’t know what to think.

Or how to help.

But I do know that I don’t want to automatically point my finger at others.

To be so quick to judge.

To be instantly and constantly angry.

I want to slow down to consider what is really happening.

To take the time to listen.

To really care about people. 

Holiday thoughts

 On this Memorial Day, I pause to think of some things that I really don’t understand.  Things like war and peace and structures of government and patriotism.  Things like those who serve our country with honor and valor and integrity.  

But I also think about those who "serve" with little to no integrity or honor. Those who use power to support their own greed. Those who deal in corruption and oppression. I think (several times a day!) about the horrific mess the world is in.  I am embarrassed by my own country’s part in so many of the messes. 

I often feel hopeless about those whose lives are being torn apart and who can find no safety - and those whose meager food supply is stopped by big cranky egotistical politicians. Sometimes I just want to shake people or scold them into behaving better - as if THAT would work!!!

I wish I knew what to do to make things better.  The only thing I’ve come up with is to respond in an opposite spirit.  When I see corrupt powerful people shame and harm helpless people, I try to remind myself to watch for opportunities to build people up.  To elevate them. To contribute to their safety and/or wellbeing.  

I also watch for other people who are successfully helping the oppressed and making the world a better place.  They give me hope.   And they inspire me to keep trying.

For my own sanity and mental health, I’m learning to limit my exposure to such awful words and deeds from the bullies out there.  Instead I choose to pay attention to and promote the work of those who are protecting and caring for the ones who are being bullied.  I really like people who stand up for people who are bullied. Those who show compassion rather than contempt.

And I discover that there are a WHOLE LOT of them out there.

Hallelujah!