On the eve of Christmas Eve

It was nineteen years ago today that I got the phone call.

"I'm afraid it is bad news. Yes, it is cancer.”   

Two days before Christmas!

So began an adventure that I would not have asked for.  A journey of more medical appointments, more testing, more poking and prodding, more surgeries, more decisions.  Then came chemotherapy and radiation and the eventual milestones of semi-annual and annual check-ups.  

But then a recurrence... which led to yet another journey of consultations, decisions, surgeries… and finally back to the annual check-up pattern again.  

Memories of bad news, good news, fear, stress, compassion, empathy, hope, and gratitude mingle on such a date as this.  And celebration for 16 years cancer-free.

This tender thankful time

This wonderful shot of our house popped up in my Facebook memories…  and gave me pause.  I love this place and I love this shot… and I had to admit I’m gonna' be a little sad to leave this old Victorian beauty when hubby gets the rescue house across the road rehabbed and ready for us.  I gave space to the moment and remembered hard good-byes to another beautiful home. 

It was an amazing house that my man built when we were newlyweds and where we raised our kids and a couple dozen others.  We couldn’t imagine ever leaving that place.

Then there was the summer in the log bunkhouse that he had designed and built with reclaimed barn timbers…

And the three years we got to live in the Christmas cabin… Oh, my!

More Facebook memories surfaced from exactly eight years ago as we drove away from that amazing Christmas tree farm that the new owners were transforming into a horse ranch.  Farewell, Hidden Hollows.

I read the comments from friends…  as if I weren’t already emotional enough.

Like neighbor Arlene:  I will always have fond memories of those several years that you opened early for our family to come and get a Christmas tree. 

And “little” Samuel who was featured on TV-5’s Take Five decades ago.  I think he was five years old when Dick Fabian interviewed him as he and his dad cut down their Christmas tree.  Grown-up Sam reminisced:  Many of my most treasured memories were made at that place. But the truth is that it was never the place that made those memories, it was you and Bob. Thank you for making us all feel at home.

 

My long-lost best friend from childhood chimed in: I'm glad I got to see it with you and your mom several years ago. It is etched in my memory as are our childhood years! Blessings on the new chapter of your lives.

So in that moment of melancholy today I thought about the fact that if we hadn't left that other beloved house, we wouldn't have come here.

I am so grateful for all the memories.

And I look forward to making a few more.

This is a tender thankful Thursday. 

My NaNoWriMo journey - so far...

 Once upon a time a long, long time ago…

No, wait; maybe it wasn’t such a terribly long time ago.  But in some ways it feels like a different world.  A different lifetime.

I had been thinking I might like to be a writer, but had absolutely no idea how to make that happen.  And then we found ourselves having dinner with a writer and his wife.  I remember being enamored by the fact that I even knew someone who was a writer!  As we enjoyed a nice dinner and got better acquainted, I found myself asking if he had any advice about how to become a writer.  

He asked me a couple good questions that would serve to help me clarify my thinking and he gave me a few basic pointers - which were quite helpful to me at that time and since.

One of his tips was to tell me about this crazy opportunity to write a book in a month.  I didn’t understand much of how it worked but got enough info to eventually be able to connect with NaNoWriMo.  

I learned that November is National Novel Writing Month - a time when hundreds and thousands of people around the world push themselves to crank out 50,000 words during those 30 days.   

That was the fall of 2010 when I got signed up to give it a try.  Turns out there is only one rule really.  You write 50,000 words during the month to get a certificate declaring you a NaNo winner.  I had no idea if I was capable of cranking out that many words - altho’ my wordiness is pretty common knowledge.

You can guess the answer; otherwise I probably wouldn’t be telling the story; right? 

Yep, I cranked out well over 50K…  and felt pretty accomplished.  Never mind that the document may never again see the light of day.  It was writing practice and it was even kinda’ fun.

So I did it again the next year… and the next…

From that very first time, I had adopted that one rule…  to make the word count goal.  50K translates to about 1667 words/day so I usually go for 2000… overachiever that I am… or wish to be.  Really that is just because I know that I need to have a cushion because I do not want to take a chance of falling behind!

Eventually I added my own second rule: have fun with this thing!  It wasn’t until a few years later that I began to think this might possibly lead to me writing a real book.

That was more than a decade ago.  Then in 2020, in the midst of a pandemic, I completed my 11th NaNo project and in 2021 published it.

In the meantime, we moved to a new place where it has been my great privilege to meet several more published authors and to count them among my new friends.

So now… after completing NaNoWriMo a dozen times… today, November 1, 2022, I have begun yet another time.  I got up early this morning and I cranked out 2232 words.  I even have a theme and a plan and an outline…  and a teensy bit of hope that I might end up with another book - after many, many months of work.

It’s NaNo time…  and we’re off and running!!!  Er… um… I mean typing!

Writing spots I have known

I've been setting up a new writing spot as part of my preparation for November which is National Novel Writing month.  Actually I have more than one new spot and suddenly realized I was hearing some lines in my head about that.

Lines like:

"You need to create one special spot."

"If possible, dedicate a separate room to your writing, with a door you can close to shut out distractions."

"Your brain needs to know that this is your spot to write. So when you are there, you know it's time to write."

...

Okay; I get that.  Or I think I do.  But there is also much to be said for variety.  For different kinds of places. I mean, I can type on my laptop computer on my lap.  Imagine that.  Especially if I have my handy-dandy little lap desk under my laptop computer.  Pretty cool.  

I have discovered lots of special writing spots through the years.  I remember back in the days of my first writerly stirrings.  I did have a room mostly to myself - which served multiple purposes from laundry to storage.  Most notably, it was an unfinished somewhat chaotic room - not nice nor cozy.  But I did lots of learning and pondering in that make-shift space and I established a writing habit.  I even tentatively started a blog that still lives 12 years later.

And then our lives changed.  After 40 years in that house, we would live in at least a dozen places over the next 5 years - most of them pretty tiny.  Some of my writing spots during those years were downright miniscule.

First there was the teeny tiny "dry" cabin where we spent that first summer and where we crammed my little student desk into the corner of the loft just under the tin roof.  It was sometimes a noisy spot with the rain hitting that tin roof just a few inches from my head.  It could make me shudder or make me smile.  It felt a little like camping but more secure.  

When we moved into the bigger log cabin I claimed another loft corner - this one overlooking the fireplace below and the flowering redbud tree just outside the upper windows.   

Probably my favorite writing spot was the Black Bear Coffee House, that our daughter managed near Denali National Park in Alaska.  I spent five weeks of early mornings in there.  I'd show up as our daughter was opening up and claim the little table in the corner.  

Part of her opening routine was to slice up the fresh banana bread the baker had baked during the night and left on the cooling racks. She might bring the plate of loaf ends over to my table so I could help her clean them up. I was happy to be of assistance.  

I even discovered writing spots in a lighthouse keeper's quarters... when we were lucky enough to live and work there.  Reading spots and writing spots and windows to gaze out over the water...

Okay; that might be more than enough writing spots! I might need to make a Part Two.

For this edition, I'll close with our little apartment above a garage in the Dominican Republic.  I spent many hours writing on this lovely airy balcony to the soft backdrop of waves crashing along the shore.

But for now...  this week... I'll head back up to that lovely antique secretary from my dear neighbor and start my next NaNo project!

Lost in space - ?

I wake up leisurely... thinking of things I want to write about. I crawl out from under the covers and throw on a cozy sweater…  eager to get started.

Wait…   So how am I suddenly wandering around amid a forest of incoming messages from somebody somewhere out there in cyber space?

Yep, it happened again.

...

I really like to write first thing in the morning while I am fresh and focused.  Here I am a retiree who doesn’t have to punch a time clock.  I love and appreciate my wonderfully flexible schedule.  So why would I squander those precious first minutes of the day?

I made that decision awhile ago…  and I have built that habit.  I’ve chosen to cherish the privilege of being able to write first thing in the morning.  As a general practice, I arrange my schedule around that priority of writing first thing in the morning.

So why do I still find myself wandering in the cyber jungle some mornings?  Somehow it sneaks up on me... but I am not ready to give in to it.   I need to discover the malfunction.  The leak.  What isn’t working…

So I pay attention. When I discover that I’m lost in cyber space again, I try to notice how I got there.

- How is the world is sneaking in?

- Did I leave some window open last night? 

- Some tab? Some website that calls to me this morning?

Author Andi Cumbo tells of a teacher from years earlier, Sharman Apt Russell, who said, “I write before the world intrudes.”  Like many of us, that teacher prioritized her writing before any of the other “first things” of the morning.  Cumbo adopted that philosophy at the time and remembers how it got her through grad school.  However she has recently realized that "first thing in the day" can get too vague, too general. Too squishy. She decided to reclaim that specific sentiment once again...

“I write before the world intrudes.”

I kinda’ love the phrase - partly because it helps me visualize the world out there as a monster waiting to sneak into my space.  To invade my privacy in those precious personal moments before putting on my space suit and stepping into the day.

…

Intrusion is the action of intruding. 

To intrude is to put oneself deliberately into a place or situation where one is unwelcome or uninvited.  

There is indeed a whole world of all kinds of stuff out there ready to intrude into my private space.

…

No one else is going to guard my personal private space capsule.  

It is up to me.

I am the one who must figure out the leaks and repair the malfunctions.

I am the one with the power to keep things tight.

And so I shall.

I might even employ some mixed metaphors now and then... if they prove to be effective.  Whatever it takes. Because it is important to me to cherish the time - before the world intrudes.

Seriously.

Beaches and lighthouses… and exploration and memories

Let’s explore that trail and see where it goes.

Okay; well, that didn’t take long.  The trail stops at a garbage can!

...

We had scheduled a beach day for the last day of September. 

 

Beach walking - a couple miles of it.

Beach sitting and relaxing.

The traditional bucket of chicken...

A bit of exploring - mostly ending up on dead-ends with “no outlet.”

Lots of comfortable conversation and camaraderie.

Reminiscing on old times and speculating on future times.

…

We never did find the lighthouse we were searching for.  Some would say that a trail ending at a garbage can should have served as an omen.  Others would say that at the very least it was an enigma.

Either way it added humor to the adventure. And I think we’ve learned by now that exploring need not be fruitful to be fun.  And that adventures most certainly do not always go as expected.  We didn’t find THIS lighthouse, but we are grateful for all the others we’ve visited and especially the one we lived in for a couple weeks!

Time to get serious

I recently shared about how a couple times I prepared for NaNoWriMo during the preceding month, October.  That was so helpful to get me in gear.  To get my writing muscles built up again.

I was thinking I could start even earlier this year - like in September!

What a great idea; right?

Well, I just noticed that September is half done and I have not yet started. I asked myself why.  The answer was simple and profound: I did not have a plan in place…  meaning that it was not on my calendar, my to-do list, or my schedule.  

So I will start now.  Today.  I’ve been reminding myself of the things that have worked for me in the past.  One of the biggest factors is to write the very first thing in the morning - before everything else distracts me.  

Now I realize that not everyone has the luxury of writing in the early morning, but it’s what works best for me - and I have no excuse not to do it.

Second factor:  word count goal.

My September word count goal is 500 words/day.  

That’s really not that hard, but it’s a good start.  

And so I did.

I sat down and got started… first thing this morning.

I wrote 500 words and then another 300 or so.

I guess I can say that I have officially begun.

And... there’s one other thing that might be helpful... And fun!

I need some writing buddies.  Somebody that will check in now and then so we can compare notes about our writing times and word count goals.

So... is there anybody out there who would like to go on record and speak your intention.  Tell the world that you are going to write and when.  Maybe you want to set a specific time of day or a number of minutes you will type or how many words or pages…  Whatever works with your systems!

Let’s do this thing; shall we?

Couch to Crim

My city has a big event this weekend.   It is the 45th annual Crim race.  Well, It’s not just one race, but a whole festival of races, originally started by the Honorable Bobby Crim, former Michigan State Representative.

Thousands of runners converge on the city tonight and run through our neighborhood tomorrow morning - in a variety of races.  Those runners have likely participated in a variety of training programs.   Many of them are serious runners - elite champions who travel the world to run in races like this one.

Others were maybe less serious about training but might have tried at least a “Couch to 5k” program.  No matter the level of seriousness or commitment, certainly many developed their own customized version of a “Couch to Crim” program.

I am not a runner, but I have clocked in a few seasons as a sort-of-serious walker, with my own version of “couch to 5k” training - and actually brought home a medal for best in age bracket or some such honor.

There is however another arena where I have taken on a serious commitment.  Not a marathon, but a pretty daunting challenge - not running or walking, but writing - known as NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where people around the globe crank out 50,000 words during the month of November.   

This is a serious writing commitment but is for only one month of the year, mind you.  I have recently begun gearing up to the big commitment ahead of time.  Instead of waiting until November to suddenly write 2000 words/day, I decided to start in October and write 500 words/day and then 1K the next week.  By the middle of October I could bump my goal up to 1500 words so that by the last week I actually hit 2K some days!

Start small.

Take little steps toward being more serious.

Build those habits.

What a great idea!

The advanced training served me well.  Not only did I build my writing muscles with ever-increasing word count goals, but it also gave me a chance to start brainstorming ideas I might actually write about that year.  I filled cyber pages with crazy rambling paragraphs and loads of bullet lists.  That way when I turned my calendar to November, I was already accustomed to making my word count goals.  And rather than coming to the blank page with an empty brain, I came with tons of ideas in my head and even more tucked away in that other document just waiting to spill out when I need reminders.  I could hit the ground running as they say - or hit the ground writing.  Eventually from those 12 years of doing NaNo, one of those 50,000-word documents actually became a real book last year!

NaNoWriMo has become part of a pattern for me. An excuse to pause every autumn and choose whether and how to bump up my writing goals.

...

By the way, you can pick your own race event.  

Invent one if you need to.

Doesn’t need to be 10 miles - or even five miles.

Doesn’t need to be 5k - nor 50K.

(5 kilometers… or 50,000 words; get it?)

Your writing event doesn’t need to be NaNoWriMo.  

And it doesn’t need to have 50K words.

Or you could write those 50,000 words over a much longer period of time.

Because it is not about the event.  

The event is simply a tool to get you moving.

We think we train for the event, but maybe the event trains us.

Maybe the event provides the kick I need to get out there and get started.

Maybe the hype is what I need to motivate me to establish better habits.

To take incremental steps.

…

How about you, my friend?

What do you want to do?

How far do you want to be able to run or walk - or write?  

5k?  50K?

How many words could you crank out in a month?

In a day or a week?

What small goal could you start?

How will you bump it up next week or month?

What steps are you willing to take to move toward your goal?

You can design your own personal “Couch to 50K” training program.

Last July was too sad for me

It was a hard month, July of last year.

It began with the news that a cousin was gone unexpectedly.

He was a good guy.

We didn't know each other well but were working to rectify that.  After we landed in Flint, he pointed out how close we lived to each other. Close enough to meet up for coffee at my favorite cafe. We had already reconnected on-line and were intentionally getting to know each other.

I had been impressed with how James had come alongside our parents to assist and augment the family history project they had worked on for decades.  His intelligence, organizational skills, and computer expertise had been instrumental in strengthening family ties and annual reunions.

As I recall, we lived maybe 40-50 miles apart when we were kids. His family would come to our house at least once every summer.  I remember his parents as wonderfully kind and congenial; my parents dearly loved them as family and friends. 

 

At some point during those years, they began that big project together - or maybe I was just becoming aware of it.  I have no clue about all the work that went on behind the scenes, but I do have vivid memories of the huge scroll of paper containing the carefully drawn family tree rolled out on the table.  And I do know that several family members would later benefit from their research and would make pilgrimages to family landmarks in Ireland.

Lots of memories - but in limited arenas.  There was much more to both of us than shared family history and limited memories.  Now that we were grown-ups we wished to know more of the big picture of each of us. About who we are in real life.  I think it became important to both of us; at least it definitely was for me.  Something I enjoyed and looked forward to continuing. But we were too slow; the pandemic came along and spoiled those plans along with so many others.

But... without warning, he was gone.  The news hit me harder than I might have expected.  I mean, sometimes we don’t even hear about the loss of distant cousins.  But this felt different.  Besides the loss of another wonderful family member, it also felt like the loss of possibility.  Of plans and potential good times. Of friendship.

July was starting out to be sad…

And then on the fourth day of the month, my dear sister-in-love left us.  We knew she would be leaving, but there was no way to prepare for her to be gone.  She was my soul-mate. The sister I never had but had always wished for.  After nearly 50 years of getting acquainted, we were just getting started.  There was still so much I needed to learn from her.  So much we needed to tell each other.  We tried, but we ran out of time.

Sure enough, July continued to be sad…

In the meantime our dear friend and neighbor was terribly ill and might not survive the month.  Almost, but not quite.  On the last day of July, he was also gone.  He had been such a good friend to us when we first moved here and on through the pandemic.  Then again, he was just really good at being kind and befriending people and helping with all kinds of things.  

'Twas a sad month from start to finish…

And now it’s a year later.

We’ve made it through another July.

I needed to pause again, to sit with these losses yet again.

I’m still sad.

On the other hand I am also grateful… to have known three such wonderful people.

• Dr. James, Jimmy, family historian, good guy - kinda’ like his folks
• Dear sweet Karina, sister, encourager, challenger
• Neighbor Ron, good buddy, friend to everybody, great builder of guitars

My life is richer for having known each one.