Why do I drag my feet… ?

When I’ve worked so hard to get to this point, why do I now slow down the process?

I just published another book… but now I don’t seem to be in a hurry to promote it.  My husband can’t figure out why.  Actually he keeps trying to promote it for me, and I keep asking him to wait a little.

I understand his confusion.  I mean, I have been working on this book for a long time and have pushed really hard for months to get to the moment of publication.  

One factor is that there is always one more little change that needs to be made.  I start to wish that I would have done another proof copy or three - to make sure ALL the kinks are worked out and every typo is fixed.  Of course, we all know that it will never be quite good enough.  I’ve already done a revision.  So now of course I feel badly that anyone got the first edition that wasn’t perfect…  Ugh.

That part of it certainly makes sense to me.  But there’s one other thing that kinda’ caught me off-guard.  Writing this book has involved mining deep within my being. It has been an extremely valuable journey, but now leaves me feeling a little vulnerable.  I’ve let a few people in on the process one as I was ready.  But now that it is published…  It’s out there!  Publication is so dang public.

So…. Maybe the only way I know to protect myself a teeny bit is to ease in gradually.  To tell this person about it - and maybe that one.  Then maybe this small group….  I suppose that seems silly to some - and it may be.  Maybe it would make more sense to just jump in and get it over with.  

So what is my book about?

Thanks for asking.  It chronicles my spiritual journey by referencing several of the books and authors that influenced me through those years.

So many helpers

Pretty much any day is a good day to remember bits of neighborly wisdom from Mister Rogers, but maybe especially on his birthday.

“When I was a boy

and I would see scary things in the news,

my mother would say to me,

“Look for the helpers.

You will always find people who are helping.”

To this day, especially in times of “disaster,”

I remember my mother’s words

and I am always comforted

by realizing that there are still so many helpers

–

so many caring people in this world.” 

-Fred “Mister” Rogers

On this his 90th birthday and the 50th anniversary of his neighborhood, I am grateful for this bit of perspective.  In fact, it has only been in recent years that I've learned enough about him to become a fan of his persona and his philosophy. While this little tidbit was meant by his mother to comfort a child, I have to admit it has helped me in these last few years of "scary things on the news."

It comforts me to know there are still so many helpers.

So many caring people in this world.

But it also challenges me to be one of them.

To not give up, but to keep caring and keep helping.

Start with peace

'Twas a good week and a busy week. 

Routines got neglected. 

Stuff got messed up. That's life. 

And yes, I'm aware I'm speaking for more than just myself...

So where do we start? 

• There's that pile of "new" things that came in from the storage unit last week and didn't find a home yet. Most of it doesn't deserve a home - at least not here. Surely someone else could make better use of it. But that takes time - to sort and to haul away.
• Then there's that stuff that got pulled out of that tight spot in the closet where it was stored away - and that’s right; it never got returned to its spot - so it is piled up somewhere else.
• There’s the pile of fresh laundry that I so energetically got washed and dried - and even folded! - early this morning, but is still waiting to be put away.
• There are the books from the library who do not yet have a temporary home - because this was the first time we got books from this library. 
• There are groceries waiting to be put away. There's a fridge to clean out. 
• Then there’s the closet that I have been wanting to organize. Things have been going in there since we moved in but I have yet to set it up the way I want it. The same is true of my desk drawers…
• Oh, and our storage cage down in the dungeon! That needs major attention!
• There are so, so many things that I need/want to get done. Makes me tired just thinking about it. 

How about you?
Have you had a busy week?

Has anything been neglected around your house?

Which things need your attention?

Do you have a strategy to tackle them?

For me it starts with my attitude. Will I let the piles discourage me? Will I give up? I do have a choice here. I could choose to pick one thing and get 'er done. But which one thing? And will it really make a difference?

For the sake of my emotional health, I know that I need to make a pretty big dent in the way things are. I need to find some of my good routines and get them back in action. I really need to tackle those desk drawers. But sometimes you just gotta’ go for the obvious. In this case, I think that means the visible. 

I need some visible peace. I need to focus on the things that I see every day. To create some visible calm. That means getting stuff "hidden" behind closed doors. Yes, I need to open those doors and do the real work behind them. Yes, I know the danger of putting things out of sight which may lead to them never getting done. But I also know that I have to start somewhere. And I know that feeling overwhelmed is not a very effective motivator. So for this moment I believe it is time to banish the visible clutter.

So here I go to create a bit of beauty. Or at least a point of peace. To transform at least one spot of chaos into calm...

And you?

Is there one task that would create a bit of peace and calm in your life?

Would that make it a better day?

Or is there another strategy that will work better for you?

The little room

My first clue was when I saw a waiter hand a key to someone… 

We were having lunch at a beach bar and I noticed that people were getting a key - presumably for the restroom. Whoa. 

Does this mean that there was something nice enough about this bathroom to protect? Like maybe there was actually a toilet seat. Or maybe even paper in there. 

Such thoughts and wonderings were tucked away in the “interesting” file. 

After lunch and before we headed back to the car, it was time to check it out - so I stepped up to the bar to request said key and headed in the direction I was pointed - "over there, behind the kitchen." Experienced traveler that I am (hah!), I did remember to take along my purse just in case I would need paper.  And yes, I had earlier that morning remembered to re-stock the paper supply therein.

My curiosity grew as I came around the corner of the building which was the kitchen and found an interesting little building up on stilts - with several sturdy steps leading up to the sheet metal door that was indeed locked with a padlock.

I found myself remembering some of the bathrooms I had found at other beach restaurants. 

Like the one at Playa Rincon with a huge water drum with plastic dippers floating on the surface of the water - for flushing and hand-washing - all barely visible in the near darkness inside the little shack. 

Or like the one at La Playita where there was actual plumbing but it often wasn’t working. And, of course, I was remembering all of the bathrooms in this country with no toilet seats. 

All of these images crowded my mind as I climbed the big metal steps and unlocked the padlock. 

Imagine my shock and delight upon opening the door to find actual bathroom fixtures complete with toilet seat. Evidently so shocked that I couldn't hold the camera still!

It was like a modern restroom WITH a supply of paper. And things seemed to be fairly clean so perhaps there really was running water and things might really be working properly. 

It was even bright enough in there to see these astonishing furnishings instead of peering into the semi-darkness and fearing what one might find. 

Interestingly a small window on the ocean side was positioned at almost the right height so one could enjoy the view while taking care of business. Too funny.

Since we happened to have arrived during some interesting drama with a pirate ship run aground, the view from that window provided extra entertainment than on a normal beach day.

(Not even kidding about this.)

All in all, this was a great place and the little room was downright decent so I was thankful. 

I was also glad that I did think to take my purse along when visiting the little room - this time not for the paper I might need, but for the camera I never would have thought I might want!

Nice place. 

I'm impressed.

One page and then another

John Steinbeck said:

I pulled Rocinante into a small picnic area… and got out my book of maps. And suddenly the United States became huge beyond belief and impossible ever to cross. … It was like starting to write a novel. When I face the desolate impossibility of writing five hundred pages a sick sense of failure falls on me and I know I can never do it. This happens every time. Then gradually I write one page and then another. One day’s work is all I can permit myslf to contemplate… So it was now, as I looked at the bright-colored projection of monster America.

Bad news or good news?

There's bad news and there's good news; which do you want first?

We can easily find an abundance of bad news - which may elicit responses of sadness or anger or fear of impending doom. Some people might try to find something positive in the bad news they hear, while other people seem to revel in finding bad news and redistributing it to everyone who will listen.


There is also good news to be found - if we look hard enough. Recently some of the networks have been deliberately doing "good news" features on their nightly news broadcasts - stories of good will to balance out the negative ones. I appreciate that.

By the way, I am referring to "news" in both a specific and a general sense - both the national and world news on TV or the internet as well as the tidbits of news we encounter throughout the day - like hearing about the latest cancer diagnosis or neighborhood tragedy.

At times it can seem like there is more bad news than good news - and I suppose that might be true - but I think it also has much to do with perspective.

Perspective is a funny thing. Perspective can be influenced by several factors. Factors like temperament, values, and the source of the news. There are probably several others as well but in my attempt to simplify this process for myself, I'm looking at these three.

Temperament
Do I tend to be generally optimistic or more of a downer?

We naturally tend to lean one way or another on the optimist/pessimist range - and perhaps we can't change that natural tendency. But maybe, just maybe, we can tweak it a bit by training ourselves to look at the opposite perspective or at least a different one. Now I happen to like good news better than bad news. I feel happier, safer and more secure when I can hear the news with some kind of positive spin - so I tend to choose to try to see the rose among the thorns. Yes, I might be a Pollyanna, but I'd rather be her than Debbie Downer - which could quite naturally become a default role for me.

Values
Where do I stand on issues?
What things really matter to me?
What are the things I value most highly?

Obviously, things that seem like bad news to me may sound like good news to someone who values different things than I do. And conversely, the things that I hail as good news may sound scary to you if you have landed on the opposite side of an issue. So it makes sense that different people will have differing viewpoints of any given news item. Conservatives may rejoice while liberals mourn the decision of the day - and vice-versa.

In the political realm, I was always a bit confused when my conservative friends would try to make an election strictly about values - and maybe about only one specific value. Be a values voter, they would say. That seemed strange to me because... Well, isn't everyone a values voter? Don't we all vote our values? Don't liberals also vote for people who they think will work for the things they value - like basic human rights, like caring for the poor and for the planet and the environment?

Source 
Where do I get my news?

As I already mentioned, yes, I am referring to which news program I watch every night, but also to the people who I allow to speak into my life about the latest development - whether global or local.

Given the choice, most of us will tune our TV or computer to the channel that aligns with our own values. We want to get our news from someone we can trust - which can't help but include being someone who agrees with me/us. Someone we consider to be telling the truth - because none of us wants to be misinformed.

...

Philip Yancey, one of my favorite authors, spoke of this topic as he looked back over the past year. Obviously there was much bad news in 2014 and he mentioned many of the items: Ebola, missing planes, racial tension, and violence on so many fronts.

But he also included a list of good news from the year - and I appreciate this perspective and the balance he offers by presenting this list.

• Abortions in the US are at their lowest rate since 1976.
• Violent crime has hit a 20-year low, with overall crime falling for fifteen straight years.
• Globally, absolute poverty (what’s necessary to afford minimal standards of food, clothing, health care and shelter) has reached the lowest level in recorded history.
• Deaths from wars in this century are fewer than at any comparable period in the twentieth century.
• Life expectancy continues to rise, reaching 78 in the US and 71 worldwide (up from 59 in 1970).
• Child mortality rates have dropped dramatically in the last forty years while education and literacy rates have soared. 

As for me, certainly I prefer getting my news from someone I can trust, someone who shares my values, but I also want to stretch myself a bit by hearing from those with a different perspective. I just might be able to learn more from someone on the opposite side of the table than from those nearest me.

But I also remind myself of the temperament and personality factors. If I am going to be alert to my own inner battle between optimism and pessimism... If I am going to work hard at having a fair and balanced perspective in my reaction to other people's news... Well, then I also might want to judge my source on the basis of their temperament and personality as well.

Whether referring to my choice of nightly news anchor or my favorite blogger or the sweet old neighbor lady who knows and shares the latest gossip - whoever might be the "source" I listen to for news, maybe I need to consider her record. Is she consistently correct? Is he always angry about something? Does he tend to rant about things? Is she always wringing her hands with worry? Does this source offer an abundance of bad news or do they provide some balance? Do they present a reasonable approach to what is happening?

When someone is always ranting about the awful news in the world, I will likely take their opinion with a grain of salt. If someone can see only one side of an issue with no acknowledgment that there may be other valid opinions, I'm likely to be wary.


~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~   

How about you?

There is good news and there is bad news.

Which do you want first?

Or perhaps more aptly, how will you find a balanced and wise perspective?

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~   


...and now I begin to think of an alternate title: Is it bad news or good news?

That's actually what I feel like asking sometimes when someone breathlessly tells me some juicy morsel and I can't tell if they think it is terrible or wonderful. Or maybe it's obvious which label they would use but it doesn't seem quite so obvious to me.

Then again it might actually be a good question to ask myself about any given tidbit of news. Like maybe if instead of immediately judging the information by my own particular prejudices and preparing my personal rant, if maybe I would pause to think about those to whom this is good news or to whom this is bad news, I might be a bit more compassionate.

Maybe.

Maybe it's not always easy to tell if something is good news or bad news.

Courage and fear

 

“Courage is not the absence of fear,

but rather the assessment

that something else is more important

than fear.”

   

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

The campsite with the leaning tower

This place. Nice place. The campground, the campsite.
The campground seems like a good place. Relatively quiet and peaceful, but with friendly activity and nice people - lots of them from Michigan but also from a wide variety of states - as well as Ontario, Canada - many of whom have been coming here for 20 years or more.

The campsite itself is interesting - small and constricted. It is nearly impossible to park a rig on it - what with the ground being all uneven and filled with huge tree roots - not to mention the cement slab right in the middle of the site. Talk about an obstacle course - without any good place to go. One of those obstacles is the greatly leaning utility pole complete with square canopy-type roof extending on all sides. Our immediate interest in that pole was to keep an appropriate distance between it and the upper corners of the RV and to calculate the space needed to extend the slider. A more subtle concern involved wondering if that leaning pole was in fact safe or if it would keep leaning farther and land somewhere on top of our abode. I was assured that this is not hurricane season and it seems solid so it should be safe. These calculations and wonderings and decisions were all negotiated in the dark, by the way.

We quickly realized the campsite is unique in another way - besides being the teeniest site in the whole place. It also is on the main corner of the campground just inside the entrance and nearest to the office. Basically all roads lead through this corner and past this site - from every possible direction in the campground - probably a mixed blessing.

I like the site okay, but it is fun to wonder if we might want to try a different site on any subsequent return visits. It could be nice to be back in the woods with more space and privacy and closer to the path to the beach. On the other hand, it also could be fun to be out front right along the road with an even better view of the boat traffic across the street. From our little site we can see some of the marine activity, but also have a bit of wind protection from that front row of campers.

For this year, for this month, this teeny little lot serves our purpose quite nicely. I can see enough of the boat traffic to be fascinated by it all. I love being able to see and hear the car ferry, the Marissa Mae Nicole, as she comes and goes across the mouth of Mobile Bay every ninety minutes. Then there are the tenders, Ms. Joy and Gulf Glory, that service the dozens of drilling platforms out there in the Gulf. These powerful boats come and go at all hours of the day and night to the Exxon-Mobil supply depot right there beyond the fence. Crew members load and unload supplies as well as duffel bags to and from their vehicles parked out front.

'Tis a good spot to live and write and to explore walking lanes in all directions - whether to the aquarium or the fort or the beach. It's not hard to be content in such a fascinating place.

...

And then came the scary night. The forecast called for a hard freeze and the wind became ferocious. RVers compared notes and did everything we knew to do to protect our plumbing and our rigs from damage. At our little lot we were grateful for the almost unbroken line of rigs out there along the fence offering a bit of protection from the mighty winds sweeping down the bay and raging ashore. Still our little abode shook violently in the gale - until we chose to retract the slider which seemed to help considerably.

But what about that leaning tower? That utility pole that was already leaning toward our rig? Would this violent wind bring it crashing down on us? Further inspection was done and I was once again assured that it looked stable.

Sure enough, our leaning tower withstood the gale and the electricity kept working. AND the trickle of water kept flowing through the freezing night. All is well at this little campsite and we are grateful.

Taking steps and turning corners

Last week I experienced some emotional ups and downs regarding my progress on the sorting and downsizing. But I kept going. I kept taking steps. Mostly baby steps, but some bigger ones, too. I think.

This week I took more steps and kept plodding. This week I surprised myself by tackling some things that I hadn't expected to. This week a couple things happen to nudge me along. This week I actually finished some things.

And then I noticed something pretty cool.

We got some news about the property sale. News that made it sound like something may really happen. And maybe even soon. The kind of news that makes us excited, but also makes us feel cautious not to get our hopes up. Not just yet.

But here's the thing. Other times when we've received news like that - or when it seemed like things might happen fairly soon, excitement wasn't the only thing I've felt. Normally there was also a fair-sized measure of panic that hit me in the face. Pretty much every other time I have found myself feeling like we couldn't possibly be ready by then.

But this time it is different. This time I noticed that the panic didn't pop up. Then I remembered that several times this week I had noticed myself feeling hopeful - like maybe I had turned a corner. Like maybe this thing really is doable. What an awesome feeling.

Oh, yes, I am aware that there will certainly be moments of panic and freaking out if these deadlines do indeed come together. But I feel so much more hopeful than any of those other times. And that is a very big and wonderful difference.

So today, on this Thursday, I'm feeling thankful.

Today I am happy to celebrate Thankful Thursday.

CTCA - a place of hope

This is quite the place. It is always changing.

I am referring to Cancer Treatment Centers of America - at Midwestern Regional Medical Center in Zion, Illinois.

Yes, it is quite the place and it is always changing. All kinds of changes. Construction projects. Unbelievable. Every time I'm here there are major changes. I mean MAJOR - especially when I come only once a year. One time it was a huge gym in a whole new corner of the third floor. One year new guest quarters - a whole four-story hotel - serving only CTCA guests. This year there is a whole new main entrance and lobby on the far corner from where the entrance has always been. And they have taken out the parking lot and are building a brand new building. Before that they put in a five-level parking garage. Bizarre.

Doing this much construction means doing away with other buildings - several houses and a church so far. Yesterday they started tearing down one of the beautiful landmark houses across the street. A woman on the shuttle this morning may have spoken for others when she said it makes her heart-sick - even though there is much excitement about the advancements and improvements happening around here.

It is a phenomenal place in other ways as well. Patients and their care-givers are treated as guests - because the place was founded for the purpose of treating cancer patients with compassion and dignity while fighting cancer and saving lives. Very impressive it is. And very efficient. The way they provide limo service to/from the airport and shuttle services to/from the hotels - is just one of the amazing things they do to take care of us.

But then the people! It is the people that I intended to talk about. People from all over the country. People with all types of cancer and in all stages. People here for treatment and people here for follow-up care. People here for two days or three months or more. People in recovery and people on oxygen.

The diversity of their conditions is bizarre. Part of me feels depressed to meet so many people who are in late stages of cancer - while another part of me feels almost guilty for feeling so well. It scares me to hear their stories and to think about eventualities. But it also makes me incredibly grateful that I AM doing so well and grateful for places like this - that are fighting cancer so aggressively and effectively. A place that offers hope to so many who had nearly given up hope when they first came here. A place that fights cancer one person at a time.

I can't help but wonder about the future of those filling this dining room this morning and those that I have met during this visit. I can't help but wonder about my own future. And I can't help but think about loved ones I've lost to this horrible disease. Therefore I can't help but be thankful for great strides that are being made in the quest to bring cancer under control.

...

Of course, it is also a place making big money. A place charging big money - which means that a lot of people can't come here - which is another whole topic. Another reason to feel conflicted. To be grateful to be among the privileged, but to be aware and compassionate toward those who aren't.

...

As for feeling weird about being one of the lucky ones in a place where so many futures are scary... Well, I guess I need not worry about that. To the contrary, people get excited for me. After I got my test results this morning and learned that everything was good, a couple different people discovered that fact and immediately got so excited. One young woman said, "I'd be dancing around the room!" and then she proceeded to tell others my good news. A man and his son at the next table perked up their ears and looked at me with hope in their eyes when they heard I'm still around 10 years later. Yay!!! I like that. I don't mind being an symbol of hope - even if it is through no merit of my own.

Less than stellar mental state - Thankful Thursday, a few days late

On Thursday, I tried to come up with something I was thankful for. Thankfulness would not have accurately described my frame of mind. To the contrary, I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I had heard myself complaining and griping and had been through a couple meltdowns. Not exactly an example of positive mental attitude. Certainly not anything to brag about. Nope, not something I would want my public to know about me.

In the light of all the discussion about Robin Williams' suicide, it occurred to me to be thankful that my mental state does not get broadcast for the whole world to see. This is not the first time that I have recognized the benefit of living in relative obscurity.

But there I was, not feeling very positive - and then beating myself up for the bad attitude. I knew that I had lots to be thankful for, so I wondered why I was so whiny. You'd think I'd be overjoyed at being home again; right?

We had just come down from an epic journey and were in the midst of what could be dubbed re-entry stress. We pulled in behind our log cabin Monday p.m. - not knowing what we would find inside - and not really knowing how to prepare ourselves for this transition. It reminded me a bit of having diligently and thoroughly prepared ourselves to live and work overseas for a year, but not having a clue that we should maybe prepare for coming home. Coming back home from an extended and/or intense time away carries its own unique stressors - particularly if things have changed much at home. And this time they had.

Before we left Michigan in December, we had virtually moved out of the cabin - and other people had lived here - so now we would have to move in again. Besides that, during our absence a load of stored possessions had been transferred from our storage barn into the cabin. Therefore we had to find new places for those items and move them out before we could begin moving in. That's what we did our first day at home. We commented more than once about how thankful we were that our friends had gone the second mile and hauled most of the stuff into the basement - so we did not have to immediately deal with all of that.

The next day's goal was to be able to sleep in our king-sized bed that night which meant searching for bedding, hauling it in from storage and getting it washed. I remember feeling thankful that I didn't need quarters for the washer and dryer. And I remember how happy my man was to be able to stretch out in that big bed.

But maybe I should admit that I also found myself feeling a little grumpy about the flight of steep stairs between my bed and the bathroom in the middle of the night. And I may or may not have been heard griping about the teeny tiny shower in here and mourning the loss of the roomy one in the RV.

Yes, there was a bit of grieving over moving out of our little house on wheels. Even though it is compact, it is comfortable and convenient. This log cabin is lovely in its rustic nostalgia, but is not as safe or modern or practical or efficient.

We also realized that our exhaustion level was at epic proportions. Bob particularly was experiencing muscle fatigue from driving the rig through the mountains and across the prairie for days on end. We had been pushing ourselves pretty hard for nearly a month. No wonder the fatigue settled in once we parked the rig and slowed down our pace.

When I tried to post something for Thankful Thursday, I was feeling overwhelmed about where to start to make sense of my life and frustrated that I am such a slow worker. I tried to be patient with myself - letting myself be okay to accomplish just one thing each day.

I did start to write something to post that day, but was too tired to finish it. I tried again on Friday and Saturday between other projects. On Sunday I had the good sense to give up and take the day off from everything.

And now it has been a week since we arrived back home. When asked if we're feeling settled, I have to admit that I have chosen to be okay with "functional" so far. Feeling settled will have to wait another week or two. Yes, it feels like we should have made more progress, but it's okay. Perhaps the best part is that I once again feel sane - not so stressed out. Back to my normal healthy happy self. And I'm thankful for that.

...

Also I have chosen to notice things that I'm happy to have now. Things like:

• Fridge shelves big enough for a pizza box
• A washer and dryer on site; no quarters or tokens needed
• Space to spread out a bit
• Lots of hooks for hanging stuff near the back door & in the closet
• Empty space in drawers and on shelves - Wahoo!
• A lovely grassy back yard and the lawn chairs that I've missed
• A gas grill... Yay, pork chops!!!
• "His and her" desks - something besides the kitchen table

...
 Yep, I'm feeling thankful again. What a relief!

Five-minute Friday and the word is FINISH

Five-minute Friday.
That's when you set the timer for five minutes and just type. No editing. Just type.
Then you are supposed to link to the Five-Minute Friday web page, but my computer has not been cooperating lately. But at least I write...
...

Today's word: finish

...

I'm not a good finisher.
Actually I'm a terrible finisher.
I'm a good starter or even a dabbler, but I'm not a good finisher.
I get lots of grand ideas and I start some of them, but they seldom see completion.
I seem to run out of steam.

It happens in lots of areas of life, but particularly with writing. I have ideas, I start gathering notes, I may write a lot of words, I might even get it mostly done, but I seldom actually finish.
So too with big projects in the rest of life.

Why am I so likely not to finish? What things contribute to my not finishing? I suppose there could be lots of reasons. Sometimes it may simply be that the task is too complex. That I don't know how to finish - or that it may be too difficult and I don't have the determination or the follow through.
And what are the consequences of not finishing? Well, I have this huge collection of unfinished projects. All kinds of loose ends. And they tend to cause me to feel crappy about myself.

• A famous person once said that incompletions are great stressors.

Well, I really hope to finish something today. Something big. Yep, yep. Today I hope to finish the Alaska Highway. And what an accomplishment it will be - even though I am not the one to really get the credit. My hubby is the one who has driven all those miles. My major credit comes from not gasping too loudly about the latest scary curve as I clutch the door handle a little tighter and my knuckles get a little whiter...

Nope; my man gets the credit - for hanging tight to that steering wheel as he guides those seven tons of steel around the steep narrow curves, for such sensible engine braking, for his calm demeanor, and for his patience with my tension. And I get to just ride along.

...

And you? How are you at finishing?

...

By the way, we made it. We finished the Alaska Highway! Both ways!!!
Now let's see what else I can finish...

What a difference a year makes

One year ago today, my daughter was on the other side of the world, in the middle of a medical crisis, with uncertainty and danger on every side. We were waiting to hear whether she would need surgery. I was applying for my visa - not wanting to go to India, but wanting/needing to be there with her.

Today that daughter is safe in Michigan. Today I held her new-born daughter (my first grandchild) in my arms - in a beautiful, modern, sanitary birth center. How different from what might have been. How grateful I am.

One year later, other areas of life are very different as well. One year ago a flourishing house church was meeting in our home every week; today we are on a Sabbatical from pretty much all ministry. A year ago today we carried the dreams and burdens for this place and wondered where we would find the energy and resources to make them happen; today we feel released from that load and free to move on to new adventures. What a change that is for us. It feels like a fresh start, turning over a new leaf, opening a new chapter.

praise You in this storm

Thanks, Casting Crowns for these great lyrics...

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

Cancer-free & happy

Another annual check-up has come and gone. The second try to get there was successful. No canceled flights, no delays, uneventful travel. Lovely weather. Needle pokes mostly successful. Test results all good.

It has been six and a half years since original diagnosis and four years since recurrence and treatment. Annual check-ups can stir up a bit of anxiety. Good test results bring sighs of relief.

Gratitude is a dominant feeling at times like this. It is so nice to have yet another check-up behind me.