The gift of un-busy

"Slow down.

Clear your calendar.

Take time to breathe deeply
and enjoy the season."

A few years ago I worked hard to get to a place of un-busy.  Sure enough, I very much enjoyed the feeling of simplicity.  I asked myself about that the other day - how I did it and why I let it slip away.

Oh, yah, it was because we were out there living on the road…

• Away from our world and our peeps
• Away from our roots.
• Away from friends and family
• Away from any kind of social life
• Away from time commitments

It was nice to not be so busy.  

To not always be scurrying or feeling behind

But it wasn’t perfect.

I missed my peeps, those little grands, our kids, and dear friends.

I missed having at least a bit of a social life.

So here we are a couple years later and we’ve again put down roots. Even though we knew hardly anyone when we moved here, we found ourselves surrounded by wonderful people who soon became friends.  Options and opportunities abound in this place so I just had to try everything.  

Until I couldn’t.

Until I remembered that I can’t do it all.

That I might have to re-teach myself how to pick and choose only the best.  I had to admit that my old tendency to over-commit had returned with a vengeance.  I needed to step back and make some changes.

For three months now I have been intentionally finding my way back toward un-busy.  Not there yet, but I am beginning to breathe easier.

This would be the perfect spot for my magical list of three easy steps to find un-busy.  Sorry; I haven’t found time to come up with a neat list all tied up with a bow.  I’m still in the trenches on this - reminding myself to notice how I’m doing and to ask the hard questions about my choices.  I’m still finding my way back to sanity.  I choose to give myself the gift of un-busy again.  To live at a healthy pace.

Maybe next month I can come up with a handy-dandy list.  

Or maybe not.

The Ta-Da! Month

I already wrote about the fact that I let myself get too busy in May.

I made commitments I shouldn't have.

Or at least probably wouldn’t have...

... if I had known the unexpected things that would pop up.  

But we never know, do we?

That's why we need to plan margins in our schedule.

That's what I failed to do for May.

Forget the margins.

Margin-less May

So...

What about June?

Will I do better?

What will I do differently?

I decided to try something quite different in June.  I remembered my experiences with a Ta-Da! list and thought it could be fun to make a month-long one.  

It felt like the perfect kind of “opposite” from what May had been like.

My to-do lists had been impossibly long.

It was definitely time for something different.

Sure I still had to make some lists of obligations and things that I dare not forget, but I decided to shift my focus whenever possible. I would watch for chances to do things that I could be excited about.  Things about which I could say Ta-Da! at least to myself. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a whole month’s worth of Ta-Da! items?

Each evening I would add to the list.  It could be only one thing each day - but lots of days had more than one item.

What kinds of things?

All kinds of fun things - and even a few not so fun

Like that phone call I’ve been needing to make - check!  Ta-Da!

The appointment I’ve been putting off - Got that scheduled! Ta-Da!

The left-over project from May that was ALMOST done but not quite…  Got ‘er done! Ta-Da!

I sorted through photo files that have been languishing.  Ta-Da!!!

I rode my bike - NINE miles one day - and lots of shorter rides.  Ta-Da!

I sat out in the sun for my 15-minute dose of Vitamin D.  Yay!

I thought about an old friend. I should get in touch with her sometime.  But wait!  Let’s do it now.  So I did.  Ta-da!

Did my usual morning routines in record time.  Ta-Da!

Had a lovely visit with a new neighbor.  Ta-Da!

Walked downtown with hubby on his business errand.  Yay!

Did some porch-sitting.  Cha-ching!

Worked ahead (in advance!) to prepare my report for the upcoming board meeting.  Smart move!

Finished the HUGE project I’ve been working on for months.  Ta-Da!

So far I’m liking this experiment.

I’m thinking ahead to other Ta-Da! lists.

Sometimes they nudge me to stretch myself at bit toward becoming all that I can be.

Sometimes I even surprise myself.

Ta-Da!

More thoughts on May

May is gone 

Sadness about things I didn't get to do 

Regret for letting myself be ”too busy”

Almost as if I was gone 

But I wasn't gone

I was here

Yes, I was busy, doing some amazing stuff.

I was learning about poetry - even dabbled with writing it.

I was engaging neighbors and planning future events - and historical projects.

I was spending time with my mom.

I was caring for grand-kids.

I was not gone.

I was not on the other side of the country.

I was here.  

Available even.

...
As I look back on 2014, I don’t regret being “gone” that May.

Even though I was

Gone 

Inaccessible to my mom and my kids

But it was a good month  

An amazing experience

A great adventure

...

And now
May 2019

I’ve been in the middle of another adventure

Suspended in projects but somehow still available

Pretty amazing actually

Hey, I could be proud of myself

For coping  

Handling things

Juggling

So much

Balancing

Tweaking

Shifting as needed

I made it.

I fulfilled my tasks.

I did my job.

I celebrated art and artists.

I even rode a few miles on my bike.

Yes, I felt too busy.

Swamped and scattered

Slammed

But I held it together.

No major melt-downs

No real panic or crises

No harsh words

Wow; I’m starting to be impressed.

I’m pretty amazing.

May was pretty amazing now that I think about it.

Amazing Day #31: Much to learn

I probably should not have taken on this challenge this year.

I was already over-committed.

WHAT was I thinking?

I guess I thought it seemed like a good thing.

A noble thing even.

To challenge myself to look for the amazing.

And yes, it has been a most excellent exercise.

It has been good for me - to force myself to take notice.

To discipline myself to articulate the thoughts.

And I did it.

I succeeded.

I finished.

’Twas an accomplishment.

…

I guess I can admit that it was a good thing and still admit that it was probably not a wise choice.

Once again I’ve been reminded that I cannot do all the good things.

Duh.
I'm still learning - or at least I hope I am - because I still have much to learn.

Maybe some day I’ll get to the point where I recognize this kind of wisdom BEFORE I take on something else.  

Now THAT would be amazing.

They are telling our story

I've just been introduced to Dave and Sheryl Balthrop and have learned some of their story about selling their house and combining households with her mom. They blog about their journey at Simple Life Reboot.

They are telling our story. Well, they are telling THEIR story but some of it is just like our story.  Sure; the details are different, but they are articulating many of our thoughts almost verbatim.

Here are just a few lines from Dave and Sheryl that are almost exactly what we've said and thought - illustrated by a couple of our pictures.

"While we recognized that our over-sized house used most of our resources,

we justified the expenditures by telling ourselves

that we needed to maintain a large legacy home

that could serve as a gathering place for our children and future grandchildren.

"But we began to realize that they weren’t really gonna’ come back all that often. 

We were gonna’ need to go see them. 

Their lives were busy."

"A big part of what drives us is our kids.

What they’re into

What they’re doing and

Our ability to stay in contact with them

"But the house was sorta’ tying us down.

"The house that we thought was so important  

to keep for them to come home to...

This house might be the obstacle hindering us from going to see the kids."

…

Dave summarizes: 

"Early on, we realized it was the right thing to do.

As we got further into the process,

we knew that it was ABSOLUTELY the right thing."

...

Sheryl remembers:

"It was emotional.

What will people think?"

...

Regarding downsizing:

"We ... consider it an advance gift to our children

in that they would never have to deal with boxes and boxes

of unneeded items which we edited from our lives."

Regarding the gatherings, Sheryl wondered if the kids would come to her mom’s house for Christmas and other gatherings.

"Would they still come?"

"Would they feel comfortable?"

And then she answers the question:

"Yes, they still come. 

It gets a little silly, with lots of blow-up beds,

but I think it’s more of an adventure.

"They’re coming to spend time with us and with each other, 

not to be in a particular space."

Yes, we have said and thought almost these exact things about the place and the people.

...

And here are a few other wise words from Dave:

"I believe we move towards that which we contemplate."  

Now there's something to contemplate.

Read more of their story HERE.

Downsizing: a bad word?

The first time I remember hearing the term downsizing, it seemed like a bad word.

Some company was downsizing and letting go a whole bunch of good people.

Downsizing resulted in pain and fear and frustration.

I also remember that when I began hearing about downsizing in one's personal life, I was still not impressed that it was a good thing. Someone was speaking of the freedom and simplicity of living with less stuff and I could only think of how much I liked my stuff. Most of my stuff felt important to me and I couldn’t imagine how life could be better without it. I was not at all interested in giving up my prized possessions. I knew that doing so could be a terribly difficult task. It did not seem like fun.

...

Much of my stuff symbolized my heritage and my legacy. 

The thought of getting rid of those was appalling. 

Heart-breaking.

...

But oh, my. I am so glad that we didn't stay stuck there.

That we finally became willing to at least think about it.

To admit that we didn't need it all.

That it really was too much.

And that eventually we were somehow convinced to give it a shot.

...

Life is so much better with less stuff.

But wait; please hear what I am not saying.

I am not saying that life is better now than it was back then when we had more stuff.

'Twas a wonderful life and I am terribly grateful for it all.

I AM saying that our “now” is better than it would be if we had tried to keep everything.

No, maybe that’s still not quite right. 

Our “now” would simply not be possible if we had insisted on keeping everything.

I guess that's it.

Forgot to blog

Oops; I just remembered that I have a blog.

I've been forgetting to write something on it.

I guess I got distracted.

Distractions

Yep, we live in a land of distraction.

Lots of fun distractions

• Like grandkids to visit and care for
• Like a new neighborhood to explore
• Like LOTS of restaurants to check out
• Like being able to watch Jeopardy! 
• Like remembering how to drive a stick shift again

Also some not so fun distractions. 

Like medical appointments.

Like an ugly political circus filling the news and social media.
(Now there's one that can distract me and steal my joy and my peace - IF I let it - so I've made a decision not to let it!)

I am a bit ambivalent about some of the distractions in my life these days. I am thrilled by the opportunities, but struggling to remember how to find balance in my schedule. 

I really want to establish healthy routines. I want to walk a couple miles each morning which I mostly enjoy but I don’t walk very fast which means that every mile takes a chunk out of my day.

I really do want to check out lots of the restaurants in our area. So fun. But so much food. I do NOT need all of the food in a typical serving so I usually take most of it home where it becomes another meal or two in the following days. That’s all good.

Social opportunities are abundant for us in this new season. It has been awhile since I’ve had so many options. Maybe I've forgotten how to balance the appointments with my normal work.

There are educational opportunities. 

I am currently taking a couple on-line courses - and barely keeping up with the assignments! 

And books! So many books! 

There are shelves and shelves of books at the library, but how to pick just one. There are boxes and boxes full of my favorite books that have been stored away for four years - that I am delighted to be able to access again - but where do I start?

And speaking of boxes and boxes… Yes, there are still bins and boxes from our storage unit that I simply must keep working my way through.

These opportunities all take time. 

• Checking out the new town takes time. 
• Getting to know my neighbors takes time. 
• Catching up with family and friends takes time. 
• Sorting through all those boxes takes time. 
• Walking a couple miles takes time - every day. 
• Making those phone calls to set up appointments takes time. 
• Driving to the appointments and sitting in waiting rooms takes time. 
• Doing homework assignments takes time.  

And blogging takes time - or it gets crowded out of the schedule. Or forgotten!

Limitations

Time management has always been a weak spot for me. Now that I am back in the land of opportunity, it’s time to pull out the wise tactics that I learned back in the day. IF I can remember what they are.

I know that I am not alone in this struggle. In fact, my schedule is shockingly clear compared to the average person’s. Probably most of us have a natural tendency to get too busy. There are so many demands on our time - by our own desires, by the people we love, by society in general.  

It is SO easy to let our calendars fill up with good stuff. We must find ways to assess our schedules so that we can intentionally find the balance that we need.

Over the last few years I had gradually become convinced that writing is one of the important things that I do - but it doesn’t look like it lately.
I am noticing that now.
I can choose what to do about it.
Now.

Seasons

Our lives unfold in seasons. 

• Seasons of child-raising and career-building. 
• Seasons of good times and hard times. 
• Seasons of abundance as well as lean seasons.
• Seasons where we can barely hold on and other seasons where there is some margin. 
• Some room to grow, space to create, time to explore.

During these last few years of travel, my seasons have been more pronounced than in previous years. Some of those seasons have been sparse in terms of options; consequently it is natural that I would want to take advantage of the vast opportunities in this season. Several of the travel seasons have been lonely so now it is great to have the chance for regular contact with loved ones. In this season of abundant opportunity it is tempting to try for more than we have time or energy for.

Choices

And you?

• What season are you in? 
• Is it an extremely busy season or is there some margin? 
• Are you happy about your priorities and how they play out in your schedule?
• Which things would you change in your schedule if you could?
• Is it possible to make any of those changes - or to even start moving in that direction?
• Is there something that you’ve been neglecting that you really wish you could be doing now - or very soon? 
• What is it worth to you?
• Can you sacrifice something else for it?

We do have choices, you know. Usually more than we realize.

High Hopes

It is easy for me to have high hopes for myself. 

Noble, lofty expectations. 

And then to not fulfill them.

"Yes, I think I will do this."

"Hey, I’m going to write about that."

"Maybe I could become more this or that or the other thing."

But then I don’t always follow through.

I might start but never quite finish.

High hopes often fizzle.

Great expectations and good intentions don’t always end up as awesome accomplishments.

…

I want to be a prolific writer, but sometimes the words I crank out are anything but creative so they never get published.

I want to live a life of gratitude, but I hear myself griping about the mosquitos and whining about the heat.

I want to be a voice of grace, but I catch myself saying things that aren't so gracious.

I want to cultivate a calm and quiet spirit, but sometimes I still tend to get reactionary.

I want to celebrate the opportunity to live in a different culture, but some days I stay inside my walls where I don’t have to work so hard to remember how to communicate  and conjugate in a foreign language.

I want to post glowing reports about this place, but some days everything just seems ordinary - or maybe even downright difficult.

I want to make the most of every single opportunity that comes with living on a tropical island, but lots of times I run out of energy before the chores are done.

...

When I fail to fulfill my own high hopes, I can be tempted to feel sad about it.

But I don’t need to feel discouraged or defeated. 

Because, you see, I am not required to wring every ounce of specialness from every minute.

It is enough… No, it is more than enough that I am aware of my blessings.
That I am grateful in little ways. 

Quiet ways.

That I am indeed enjoying the minutes here and cherishing lots of the many opportunities.

It is wonderful to lift my gaze an inch or two from my computer screen and breathe in the beauty of the palm trees surrounding our little second-story hide-away.

How awesome to have become accustomed to the sound of the crashing waves. At times we pause to listen and comment about the ocean being calm today. Or being louder and wilder than usual.

And speaking of loud, it is fun to stop and notice, “Hey, I know that song. I recognize it from somewhere. … Oh, yah, it's from last night and every night last week.”

It is even kinda’ fun when we happen to be in town in the evening and can’t hear each other in conversation because the music is so loud.

So many sounds.

It might be silly, but I think it’s cool that I recognize the sounds of the various four-wheelers coming down our street. Here comes Ralph, our landlord. That sounds like Joe, our Quebec-y neighbor who speaks English. Joe is our hero. Our helper when we desperately need to communicate with our French landlords.

I feel joy when I am in town and see a face light up in recognition. That kinda’ melts my heart. When we step into “Supermercado Numero Uno” and beautiful Luci flashes her million-dollar smile at me from behind the cash register. Or when Michel calls out to me along the beach before I’ve noticed him. It is extra cool when “my student” calls me “mi amor” - as if I’m special. Makes me feel like I belong. 

Another moment of belonging comes when the lady on the vegetable truck remembers that we love green beans and has set some aside for me - or that I want pepinos pequenos. Yes, I like my cucumbers to be smallish and thin rather than big and fat and seedy.  And it makes me chuckle when Gri-Gri smiles and greets me (actually SMILES) after so many days of me greeting her first and taking time to ask how she’s doing. It’s confusing but endearing when Antonio, the night watchman at the end of our street, launches into some story of which I grasp only a snippet.

It is fun and funny to hear the lilting French language wafting from the next-door windows on all sides. I love to hear it but shake my head because I understand almost none of it. Only occasionally do we hear American English from the house behind us or maybe in the store.

It gets really exciting when I finally find sponges at the grocery store after looking for them for weeks. AND bananas!!! I guess we’ve adjusted to the disappointment that bananas are so rarely available here in town so when we find some, it is cause for great joy. And these are those yummy Dominican bananas - so much better than the ones we get in the U.S.

It feels familiar now to stop at the empanada stand and pick up some chicken and vegetable empanadas for supper. And maybe some ham and cheese ones for tomorrow’s breakfast.

When I’m searching for needed supplies, it's fun to feel like I know my way around the store - and maybe around the language as well.

…

But here’s the thing.

I don’t have to fulfill all of my dreams.

I don’t necessarily need to live up to my greatest expectations.

I am a dreamer and I love that about myself.

I have often said that I would be happy if I accomplish even a small percentage of my hopes and dreams. That’s a luxury you can afford when you have so many of them.

So today I refuse to feel badly about the things I didn’t get done.

The blog posts I haven’t written yet.

The goals I have not fulfilled.

The great idea that didn’t happen because I ran out of energy.

There are so, so many choices. 

So many opportunities to celebrate this amazing place.

This cool little town.

These awesome people.

I can’t do it all.

I can’t have it all.

Nor do I want to. 

This place is a veritable buffet of cultural experiences.
No need to be a glutton.

I can taste this one and try that one.

I can savor each bite. Each experience.

I can even come back for seconds on the ones that I really enjoy.

I can work hard to reach some of my dreams.

I can choose to set others aside - for now or forever.

I can try one more time to make contact with that person I’ve been trying to find. I can try as many times as I want. But then I don’t have to feel badly if I just can’t make it happen.

I can walk to the beach some mornings, but don’t need to do it every day.

I will push myself to fulfill some of my dreams. 

To reach some of my goals. 

And I will choose to relax other times.

How about you?

Do you have too many dreams to get them all done?

That is totally NOT a bad thing!