One Magic Moment

Once upon a time we worked at a lighthouse with a team of six people.

One evening Bob and I found ourselves alone in the keepers’ quarters.

Alone in the whole place and the whole lonely shoreline.

I was just reminded of that evening and of how tired we were from the day’s work.

But I was also reminded that I paid attention to the potential of a magic moment and pushed myself just enough to get down the stairs and out the door to the beach - yes, in my PJs.  What a glorious memory.

How many times do I miss magical moments?

Maybe I’m too busy

Too tired

Maybe I don’t even notice the idea

Nor pause to consider the possibility

So now, today, I am reminding myself to watch for such magic.

To pause and consider the moment - and what could maybe happen.

To provide space to welcome magic moments.

Photo credit: Bob Sims

You can read more about that PJ sunset here. 

Springtime

By the end of spring, I will be…

(That's the writing prompt we were assigned... )

Ready?  Go.

...

By the end of spring, I will be… 

strong and fit and my house will be decluttered and organized.

I will have walked 200 miles and pedaled 500 on my new bike.

My house will shine like the top of the Chrysler Building!

My refugee garden will be flourishing with brightly colored national flowers from countries where refugees have been forced to flee in recent years.

We will have hosted Afghan refugees in our home several times. 

I will have baked cookies for my grandkids and neighbors. I will be caring for those grand-kids at least once a week - to give my daughters a break.

I will have written REAL letters to a dozen people.

My book will have become a best-seller and I will have finished the rough draft of my next one. 

…

Wait a minute.

That picture might be a little unrealistic.

Farfetched even.

Let’s try that again.

...

By the end of spring, I hope to notice at least some consistency in a couple or a few of my huge dreams.  I will be a little stronger than I am today…  because it is spring and I will have been walking regularly and will have had fun adventures on our new bikes.

My house will be pretty much like it is now - minus a few bags of things that have already been donated to the thrift store and a few more that went out with the trash.

My refugee garden may be just getting started.

And the Afghan refugees…?  

Probably ain’t happening, because City Hall has dropped the ball.

I will have made cookies - maybe once.  Or maybe muffins or banana bread.

We will have spent more time with our grandkids - simply because it is one of our very top priorities!

I will have written three real letters; in fact I already have.

And I will have re-established my regular daily writing habit.

…

Lofty dreams and goals are good and fun... and I have lots of them.  Obviously, I won't accomplish all of them, but establishing intentional habits helps me to build a pathway to some of them.

By the end of spring, I'm pretty sure that I will have reached at least some of my goals...  because of the habits that I am building today.

Focus

 2020 vision

A year ago I wrote about vision and focus and perspective… and the fact that I sometimes struggle to keep my focus on the “right” things. The important stuff.   I was referring to the fact that other things around us are constantly vying for our attention and that I am easily distracted.  I was hoping to focus on becoming more focused… or something… during 2020.  

You could say that 2020 did not go as planned; right?  We quickly found ourselves in a different world than we had ever imagined.  To say that our focus changed is a huge understatement.  

Suddenly, more than ever, so many things screamed for our attention and continue to demand our focus.  Many of them are negative.  Sad and scary and often downright frightening.  Frustrating and heartbreaking.  AND things that make us angry and that threaten to destroy our relationships and our communities.  

It has become so hard to look away…  

To pull our focus from the horrible… and toward the worthwhile.  

To seek and find the good.  

To believe the best. 

To choose to be the good.  

To contribute to that which builds and heals.

Photo by Jenna Hamra from Pexels

I admitted a year ago that I needed to get better at choosing my focus.

And now as I stand in this moment, I’m not sure it has EVER been so difficult.

Nor so important.

For all of us.

Life and health depend on it.

We must choose wisely.

My first Juneteenth

One of my first thoughts this morning was to ponder how to commemorate this day.

This date. This event of Juneteenth that I had not even heard of until we moved here three years ago.  I've learned so much in these three years - and even more in these last few weeks.  Mostly I've discovered that there is so,  SO much I don't know.

So I found myself making a commitment a few weeks ago - to learn.
I didn't even know where to start, but as soon as I began paying attention, the resources were suddenly coming at me from all directions!

So yes, today is important.
My daughter says it so well and is helping me.
Her words describe my heart - and so I am borrowing them and sharing them.
And I am joining her in honoring this day.
My first Juneteenth.

My first Juneteenth

by Stacy Brown

My heart is heavy today.

This is my first Juneteenth.

I wasn't taught about this in school.

I didn't hear about this in church.

I didn't grow up discussing this with friends.

My ignorance wasn't all my fault,

but it's all my responsibility to fix it.

Someday I'll celebrate Juneteenth,

but this year I'm starting

with humbly and solemnly honoring it:

Mourning so many horrors, of past and present,

that white washed history has swept under the rug, 

acknowledging my own ignorance and bias,

and committing to doing whatever I can to do better going forward.

Today is my first Juneteenth.

It won't be my last.

Thank you, thank you, Stacy, for giving voice to my heart.
But how does one honor such a momentous event?

The one instruction that keeps coming back to my mind... is to listen.
To really listen.
Listen and learn.
Read black authors
Hear black voices.

And so I am.
I have begun and I will continue.
One step at a time
One day at a time.
Starting on this day, my first Juneteenth...

how does that help?

"You guys!  How does that help?!?"

That’s what I want to yell when someone posts something negative or judgy or blame-y or complain-y or whatever…  

Fear is a crazy thing and fearful people do crazy things.  But condemning them or calling them names probably doesn't help.  Which I why I want to yell my question.  However, I usually restrain myself.

I do think that it is actually a fair question.  So maybe I should be asking it of myself... like whenever I open my mouth to offer my expert opinion of what should have been done differently.  Yah, how does that help?  How do my words help anybody or anything?

A wise young friend astutely observed…   Regardless of how we got here, the situation is what it is and I’m just really hoping everyone stays safe and healthy!

And he's right.  This is where we are and what we have to work with.  We don't have the option to go back and change how we got here.  We have only the choice of what to do with it.

We have to start where we are and this is where we are now. We can start asking how to make the best of it.  

• I can learn new skills; in fact, I might need to learn new skills - like how to participate in online meetings.
• I might even need to brush up on some old skills.
• I can use the time to catch up on work around the house.
• I might tackle a project I've been wanting to do. 
• I could maybe even finish that old uncompleted one. 
• Maybe I can bake those monster cookies.
• I could learn how to play "Words with Friends."
• I can read more of those books I hauled home from the library.
• I could call that friend who has been on my mind.  I could even write her a letter!
• I might look for creative ways to help other people.  What could I do to make the world a better place?

I may feel powerless about what is happening out there, but maybe I can pick one little spot in my own little space and turn chaos into calm.

I hope to do several of those items on my list above

I will probably need to consult the list now and then - because I tend to forget my good intentions and my great ideas.

...

But I also hope to add a new habit...  

I really want to pay attention to myself and to notice when I'm about to spout off my opinion about what somebody should do. I want to learn to pause in those moments and ask myself "How does that help?" 

I can choose my focus

Sad, discouraged, maybe even scared

What is happening?

Harsh words… 

Mean words 

Disrespect 

Friends sounding like enemies

Brings me down

Gotta’ find a different focus

...

Enter Maya Angelou.

I’ve had so many rainbows in my clouds.

I had a lot of clouds… 

but I have had so many rainbows.

When I step up on stage…

… or teach a class

… or produce a movie...

I bring everyone who has ever been kind to me with me…

I say “Come with me…  I need ya’ ”

So I don’t ever feel that I have no help.

…

And the thing to do…  

... is to prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow…

Be a blessing to somebody.

That’s what I think.

…

Thank you, dear lady, for a fresh focus.

The Ta-Da! Month

I already wrote about the fact that I let myself get too busy in May.

I made commitments I shouldn't have.

Or at least probably wouldn’t have...

... if I had known the unexpected things that would pop up.  

But we never know, do we?

That's why we need to plan margins in our schedule.

That's what I failed to do for May.

Forget the margins.

Margin-less May

So...

What about June?

Will I do better?

What will I do differently?

I decided to try something quite different in June.  I remembered my experiences with a Ta-Da! list and thought it could be fun to make a month-long one.  

It felt like the perfect kind of “opposite” from what May had been like.

My to-do lists had been impossibly long.

It was definitely time for something different.

Sure I still had to make some lists of obligations and things that I dare not forget, but I decided to shift my focus whenever possible. I would watch for chances to do things that I could be excited about.  Things about which I could say Ta-Da! at least to myself. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a whole month’s worth of Ta-Da! items?

Each evening I would add to the list.  It could be only one thing each day - but lots of days had more than one item.

What kinds of things?

All kinds of fun things - and even a few not so fun

Like that phone call I’ve been needing to make - check!  Ta-Da!

The appointment I’ve been putting off - Got that scheduled! Ta-Da!

The left-over project from May that was ALMOST done but not quite…  Got ‘er done! Ta-Da!

I sorted through photo files that have been languishing.  Ta-Da!!!

I rode my bike - NINE miles one day - and lots of shorter rides.  Ta-Da!

I sat out in the sun for my 15-minute dose of Vitamin D.  Yay!

I thought about an old friend. I should get in touch with her sometime.  But wait!  Let’s do it now.  So I did.  Ta-da!

Did my usual morning routines in record time.  Ta-Da!

Had a lovely visit with a new neighbor.  Ta-Da!

Walked downtown with hubby on his business errand.  Yay!

Did some porch-sitting.  Cha-ching!

Worked ahead (in advance!) to prepare my report for the upcoming board meeting.  Smart move!

Finished the HUGE project I’ve been working on for months.  Ta-Da!

So far I’m liking this experiment.

I’m thinking ahead to other Ta-Da! lists.

Sometimes they nudge me to stretch myself at bit toward becoming all that I can be.

Sometimes I even surprise myself.

Ta-Da!

A wise monk on dealing with crap

Sometimes I get so upset about injustice or corruption or lack of enforcement... that I catch myself sputtering about what should be done.  Or I get so mired in the hopelessness… I wonder if we will EVER be able to fix our political system… or whatever it is that makes life feel so unfair… 

But then someone reminds me to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I can’t.  Like my friend, an Episcopalian monk, who  recently admitted his own brand of sputtering... but he didn’t stay stuck there. Instead he chose to do something about it. But I’ll let him describe his scenario...

Dealing with life’s crap. Literally.

My commute to work consists of two bus rides, the first of which is 1.5 miles long. So, on nice days (and if I get up earlier), I walk it. It’s a really nice way to begin the day and, at my age, if I can walk a mile-and-a-half, I should do it while I can. 

The thing is, lots of folks in my neighborhood have dogs and inevitably, there will be those who don’t pick up after their pooches. I think that’s just about the most inconsiderate thing someone could do. I’ve stepped in it at night and tracked in on my carpet before. I think about frail, elderly folks who may be using walkers or wheel chairs and how distressing it would be for them to smoosh through it. 

For the longest time, I’ve inwardly raged at these pet owners. I’ve envisioned myself seeing someone not picking it up and cursing them out, or worse, throwing it at them. I’ve imagined myself as mayor and implementing a $10,000 fine or confiscation of their dog for not picking it up. Or making it illegal to own a dog in Chicago altogether. I’ve carried a LOT of resentment.

I’ve found a solution, though. Now, on my morning walks I carry a plastic bag. When I see the offending dog doot (and I DO), I simply pick it up and toss it in the grass or a trash can if it’s nearby. Then, I say a prayer for the dog owner, that they may be blessed and enjoy their dog. Sometimes, I do this up to three times during my walk. 

Maybe I’ve prevented someone from stepping in it. Maybe it was someone with a walker or wheel chair. Whatever the case, I’m no longer filled with resentment, but rather with peace. It sure makes a difference in MY well-being. 

And maybe, just maybe, I’ve made up for some of the crap I’ve left in this world. Lord knows I have.

…

Thank you, my friend.  I am so inspired by this. What a great example of taking power over our attitude and even of the annoyance - when possible!

I’m pleased to report that some of that kind of turn-around has begun to take place in our neighborhood.  We are getting together and brainstorming about what we CAN do - rather than sputtering about how unfair it is that somebody isn’t doing their job.

The opposite spirit

The excerpt below from Micah Murray kinda' reminds me of something I used to hear in my church days - about living in the opposite spirit.

• That I don't have to focus on the things that are wrong around me - either to complain about them or to join in the bad attitude.
• That instead I could respond with the opposite spirit.

I guess it also reminds me of an ancient prayer of that famous guy:

Where there is hatred, let me bring love.

Where there is offense, let me bring pardon.

Where there is discord, let me bring union.

- St. Francis, Make me an instrument of peace

Or the quote from that other famous guy:

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

- Ghandi

Yep.
And now the aforementioned excerpt from Micah Murray - only slightly redacted:

And what is the opposite of (... )?

• Loving my neighbor.
• Tearing down walls.
• Reading books.
• Listening to the voices of the marginalized.
• Looking for opportunities to show extravagant generosity.
• Working to undo oppressive systems of racism and patriarchy (starting with me).
• Saying beautiful words that bring hope, joy, and peace to those who hear them.
• Using proper spelling and punctuation.
• And most of all, being kind.

That should keep me busy for the next three years or so. 

Betty Lorraine D'Arcy Caudell: the first 90 years

Mom,

I hope you enjoy this book.*

I have learned so much while putting it together.

I am pretty impressed with what a good job you did documenting your amazing life with photographs.  

AND I’m impressed that you followed through to document so many of those photos with names and dates - even though you must have been crazy busy as an instant mom to those two energetic boys. 

I remember how when I was little I loved to lug out that huge photo album with the dark red cover and the black pages - very carefully because some of the pages were already coming loose.  As I have been sorting back through that huge book and many other albums, I have thoroughly enjoyed remembering the stories that went along with them - and trying to remember the names of some that were missing despite Dave’s best efforts to get us all to “name and date” our photos immediately.  

So many beautiful photos of wonderful people!

What wonderful reminders of who I am and where I came from.

This book contains only a sampling of the hundreds (probably thousands!) of photos you have collected through the years.  There was room for only a fraction of even the best ones.  So many tough decisions.  I hope that I’ve chosen many of your favorites to include here.  And I hope that looking through it over and over again will bring you some of the same joy that big red book brought me years and years ago.

I wish that I had succeeded in recording more of your stories, but I have had to accept the fact that they call for a separate project.  But let’s keep working on it.  You keep rehearsing those stories so that you can remember them until I get myself and my notes organized enough to capture them.  Then again, I might need some help with that project.  (Here’s looking at you, Karina!)

In this process, it has been fun for me to learn stories I don’t remember hearing before.  And maybe even some that you hadn’t heard before either.  Like the fact that the young women in your class at Bethel College were quite shocked to discover that you weren’t coming back in the fall.  That you were marrying a man with two little boys.  They couldn’t quite believe that you had the courage to do such a thing.

But everyone I talk to about it is really glad that you did.  Grateful that you made that decision and that you followed through on it all these years.  And there is a general consensus that you did a bang-up job raising those little boys and shaping us all into one big happy family.  We are forever grateful for that. 

Thank you for loving us - and a whole lot of other people in the process. 

Thank you for the example of serving people in need.

Thank you for demonstrating how to make the best of difficult situations.

I love you and am so grateful to be your daughter.

Happy Birthday!

...

* "This book" refers to the photo journal I made for my mom's 90th birthday.  
This letter was written to include in the book, but there wasn't room for it.

Fifty pages, 271 photos, millions of memories...

Amazing Day #17: Positivity

She has lost much.

She set aside her career plans to serve others - becoming instant mom to two young boys.  Oh, the stories she can tell.

...

She lost her husband and became a widow.
She grieved her loss and figured out how to put one foot in front of the other.
She somehow adjusted to her new reality and learned how to pump gas and gradually figured out how to deal with the rest of it.

...


She gave up her home that she loved so much.
She lost her ministry that she was so passionate about and eventually discovered another.
She let go of her standing in her beloved community and moved into another.

...

She lived through the irony of losing it all again - and she survived.
Once again, she grieved the loss and eventually adjusted to the new reality

...
She lost her independence inch by inch along with energy and pep and health - one malady at a time.
She let go of her house - once again.
She gave away the tools of her passion - namely her baking equipment and enough dishes to feed an army or at least a crew of silo-fillers.
She traded a houseful of large rooms for one small room - losing her ability to "entertain" guests.

...

Eventually she traded that small room for an even smaller one.
She lost her privacy and another batch of her independence.
She had to let go of having food cooked the way she liked it - again and again.

...

With each loss, she adjusted.
She has chosen to accept each new reality and to celebrate the good parts of it.

That's what I call a positive example.
Amazing even.

...

Thanks, Mom.