Holiday thoughts

 On this Memorial Day, I pause to think of some things that I really don’t understand.  Things like war and peace and structures of government and patriotism.  Things like those who serve our country with honor and valor and integrity.  

But I also think about those who "serve" with little to no integrity or honor. Those who use power to support their own greed. Those who deal in corruption and oppression. I think (several times a day!) about the horrific mess the world is in.  I am embarrassed by my own country’s part in so many of the messes. 

I often feel hopeless about those whose lives are being torn apart and who can find no safety - and those whose meager food supply is stopped by big cranky egotistical politicians. Sometimes I just want to shake people or scold them into behaving better - as if THAT would work!!!

I wish I knew what to do to make things better.  The only thing I’ve come up with is to respond in an opposite spirit.  When I see corrupt powerful people shame and harm helpless people, I try to remind myself to watch for opportunities to build people up.  To elevate them. To contribute to their safety and/or wellbeing.  

I also watch for other people who are successfully helping the oppressed and making the world a better place.  They give me hope.   And they inspire me to keep trying.

For my own sanity and mental health, I’m learning to limit my exposure to such awful words and deeds from the bullies out there.  Instead I choose to pay attention to and promote the work of those who are protecting and caring for the ones who are being bullied.  I really like people who stand up for people who are bullied. Those who show compassion rather than contempt.

And I discover that there are a WHOLE LOT of them out there.

Hallelujah!

little tiny window in that teeny tiny place

When I posted this photo as my cover shot back in 2012, there were lots of comments about the lovely view. 

But I see more than the view outside the window.
I see and remember and can almost feel the darkness in that little loft...
The black margin around that cheery picture.
The frame of darkness.

And I see a symbol of some of the process we chose to maintain our mental health.

I can remember that the time in this tiny place definitely had an edge to it.
Yes, there was the edge of excitement and crazy abandon and wild adventure.
But there were also moments that could better be described as the edge of despair.

What's the word?
The being closed off inside this tiny space ...
The vulnerability...
Claustrophobic!
That's it.

As I look at this picture today in December 2020...  not quite solstice, with the darkness still encroaching, it feels painfully familiar.  I can see a bit of light and beauty and life but it is still framed in a lot of darkness.

The place we now sit definitely has an edge to it.

Yes, there is an edge of relief and a bit of hope...

But there are also moments of fear that could be described as the edge of despair.

I made it through those months in that small space.

I focused on the light and beauty and hope rather than the surrounding darkness.

Most days.

I can still make that choice today... to survive this depressing time and place.

I can choose to cling to that bit of hope even while not expecting too much...

Pandemic adventure

For the first time in five weeks, we got in our car.  

We drove out of our neighborhood and on nearly-forgotten and nearly-empty streets... 

...to buy dinner at a take-out window.

’Twas a glorious adventure.

We were almost giddy.

And the food is SO yummy!!!

We might want to do this again sometime!

Fun adventures - and not so fun

Oh, man; what a moment that was!
I want to take time to feel all the feels…

This brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

“This” being a blog post I wrote four years ago about an adventure we had. About some really good moments that helped to make up for the hard ones…

I was just telling friends yesterday that I hope my writing doesn’t seem braggy. I really do not want to make readers feel badly if they don’t get to do such exotic things. Which I guess is why sometimes I choose to tell about the hard stuff, too. Well, and that's just realistic. 

Maybe that post does that.

It mentions the rough stuff.

True that I did not explain the details - perhaps because I didn’t want to say it out loud.

Maybe it’s time now four years later…

Let’s just say that there were rat encounters.  

In my happy place.

In my personal space!

There; I said it.  Sort of.

Makes me shudder to think about it.

But I survived and have reason to be proud of how I handled it all.

And I’m so, so grateful to be reminded of the really beautiful moments.

Hopefully my readers can do some of the same...

- To find reason to be proud of yourself

- To notice the wonderful moments

- To choose to be grateful for both - or at least that we survived...

A timely gift

Ten year anniversary

That’s how long we had been married.

That’s also how long we had volunteered our time with the teens in the youth program.

They were wonderful and amazing kids and felt like family.

We loved them and they loved us.

On that anniversary they surprised us with a lovely gift as a thank you for those years invested in them - a beautiful clock that fit perfectly on our new chimney.  The soft tick-tock-ticking became the metronome for family dinners and office tasks done in that room.  The mellow gong on the hour and the half marked the days of our lives from that time forward.  

That clock helped keep us on schedule for the next 30 years until it was packed away in storage with the rest of our most special belongings while we lived on the road for the next few years.

But now…  

Now we have moved back into a real house.  As we finish renovating one room at a time, we pull out cherished possessions from their storage boxes and discover where they fit in this old house.

Today marks another anniversary of sorts. It was three years ago today we first looked at this house - which would become our new home.  What a perfect time to welcome the beloved chime clock back into our daily rhythms.  Ah, yes; such wonderful familiar sounds, the ticking and the gonging, punctuating the days of our lives in a new place and time.  Sounds of home.  Again.

Simply gifts

Thankful Thursday

~  ~  ~

Some of the best things in life

are not tied to my great performance

or even to right behavior.

They are simply gifts.

I can try to justify my right to have them

or I can simply choose to be grateful.

~  ~  ~

I choose thankfulness.

The Crim Festival of Races

Impressive

Inspiring

Some day I might volunteer

I keep saying that

Not this year

But I will walk down there and see all the bustle.

Downtown

Start line

Those hand cyclers are FAST!

Then the 30 and 40-year runners!

40+ years of running this race!!!

Now THAT’s impressive

Is that Bobby Crim?

Sure enough

THE Bobby Crim, the founder of this great race

And another guy walking with a cane

Then the regular runners

Wave after wave of runners

I take a short-cut to the 2-mile point in my neighborhood

Loud music welcomes the runners to Carriage Town. 

A big guy in a fluorescent green Marine shirt doesn’t need a mic as he cheers and slaps runners’ hands.

Somebody shoots photos of specific groups of runners in matching shirts.

Police officers manage the intersection and runners thank them for being there.

I cheer for the runners, too.

“Good job!

“Doing great!

“Looking good!

“You got this!”

Runners start thanking ME for being there!

Whoa.

What’s this?

Why am I getting choked up?

Is it the parade syndrome?

(Yah, I was that little kid who cried at parades.)

Come on now.

Pull myself together.

Cheer and clap.

This matters, doesn't it?

This is important

Sorta’ like in real life

I want to be an encourager

A motivator

To cheer people on to do their best

And now some of the first walkers...

By now the photographers and hand slappers are gone.

The loud Marine has headed off in another direction.

Now it’s just me and my single voice

Now it’s quiet when I’m not cheering

Hey; people’s names are on their race bibs.

I can cheer for them by name!

Well, that’s fun.

So much appreciation

“Thank you for being here.”

So many expressions of gratitude

I realized one lady was signing “thank you” to me and then veered off course and came straight toward me to give me a hug!  Dang; I wish I knew more sign language! But at least I understood her “thank you.” And she understood my encouragement.

Such emotion

Such solidarity

Such humanity and good will

I feel a little silly…

But…  This is what I want to do

To cheer people on

To call them by name

To notice their efforts

To encourage them to be their best

Different can be beautiful

Sometimes
something
can look beautiful
just because
it's different
in some way
from all the things
around it.

One red petunia
in a window box
will look very beautiful
if all the rest of them 
are white,
and vice-versa.

-  Andy Warhol

The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

...

Photo was shot at the Felt Mansion, Saugatuck, Michigan, 2013

2018: a year of welcome and of farewell

A year of settling in

Putting down roots again

Of feeling welcome in our new place

Feeling like we belong

A year to welcome others

New friends from all over the world 
Helping them feel welcome here

Welcome

We welcomed new opportunities 

New beginnings

A few new adventures
Local adventures

Much to explore right here in our own backyard!

Local eateries
STILL haven’t made it to all of them.  
Not even the ones within walking distance! 

…

Also a year of letting go.
A time of farewells

Farewell to my big brother.
A good big brother 
Someone to look up to
Someone I've known my entire life
An old friend

Also good-byes to some new friends
We love welcoming students
We don't so much love the farewells

Other farewells
Letting go
Farewell to some unhealthy patterns
Letting go of expectations

...

A year of appreciating

Cherishing

Reflection and gratitude

Farewell to 2018
Welcome 2019

Thankful Thursday: thankful for... ME?

I started this thankful Thursday practice many, many years ago as a way to remind myself to be grateful. To stop and notice the good stuff. It has been an excellent exercise.  For awhile, I tried to to it regularly because it was so beneficial.  These days I'm not very legalistic about it - because it has already worked its magic!  

My perspective has gradually shifted.

I am so grateful for so many things. 

My man, who was born on this date, tops my list today because he is an integral part of so much of what is good about my life.  

- Our kids & grandkids

- Our life together and all of our adventures

- Our sense of mission and teamwork

- The encouragement he gives me

All amazing stuff.

But that’s not all.  There is more.

I have even come to a place where I can be thankful about some of the wonderful things about ME... and my personality and my worth.  

Whew!  That feels weird to say and until recently would have been a foreign concept.  I have made massive strides in the way I feel about myself.  

Self-love.  Wow.  

Self-care.  

Self-nurture.

Treating myself with kindness and respect.

…and with compassion.

I’m not there yet.  

Not perfect by a long shot.

I still get down on myself.

And I still complain and grumble...

But I’m getting better - at both loving myself AND being grateful.  

Lots healthier these days...

…

Funny thing.

A long time ago, one of my favorite people famously said to love my neighbor as myself.  For a lot of years, I tried hard to do that.

Now that I am learning how to love myself, it seems like it’s easier to love my neighbors. Like it comes more naturally.

Imagine that.

Funny how that works.

Or maybe it’s just that I happen to have such lovable neighbors!

At any rate, I am so very thankful on this Thursday.

Fireworks with friends

Fourth of July surprise

I just realized some things...

Sitting in a comfy lawn chair in my own backyard* with a perfect view of the fireworks exploding over the river...  I realized that this was one of the most comfortable and convenient settings from which I have witnessed a fireworks show.  

Great American values... comfort and convenience.

I also thought back over the years and realized that we didn’t often attend fireworks shows through much of my life.  Maybe it was too much bother to pack up chairs and blankets and load everybody into the van to drive to town and try to find a spot in a crowded park amongst the throng.

But now… here we are living in a city where the fireworks are launched less than half-a-mile from our house.  How cool is that?!?  A time to celebrate America and a time to celebrate new friendships.

And then I realized something else.

I realized that this might be the first time I had celebrated the Fourth of July with such a diverse collection of nationalities.  There we were gathered with representatives from several regions of the world - even though we had not planned it that way. I mean... we DID move here to be near Internationals and we DO often host events for them, but not this time.  This was just an informal gathering of new friends - who just happen to represent a bunch of other countries - like Brazil, Canada, Tonga, Nepal, India, Ecuador, Germany, England, Ireland, Mexico...  Sure enough; we are all from somewhere else.

Now there's another great American value: diversity!

It was about 5 generations back that my ancestors sailed across the ocean and came through Canada to Michigan and here we are - celebrating America’s independence with first and second generation immigrants.

Feeling blessed I am.

So very blessed.

In so many ways.

And so much wanting to bless others.

...

* Disclaimer: Well, ALMOST in my own back yard.  My chair was actually a few feet over the line onto our wonderful and generous neighbor's property.

Maybe not a writer that day

(Written on December 12, 2010)

Tis a lovely day in the neighborhood. 

There's nothing quite like the view outside my window. 

Amazing.

Inspiring.




I sit here in awe, wishing to describe the beauty, but the words won't come together adequately.  

Maybe I'm not a writer this morning. 

Maybe it's a day for rest. 

A day for wonder.

For peace.

A day to breathe deeply.

Maybe I'll just sit and bask in the beauty. 
Ahh...

Amazing Day #25: Art

I love this.
I think it is wonderfully amazing.
Or amazingly wonderfully...

People matching art...

Amazing Day #17: Positivity

She has lost much.

She set aside her career plans to serve others - becoming instant mom to two young boys.  Oh, the stories she can tell.

...

She lost her husband and became a widow.
She grieved her loss and figured out how to put one foot in front of the other.
She somehow adjusted to her new reality and learned how to pump gas and gradually figured out how to deal with the rest of it.

...


She gave up her home that she loved so much.
She lost her ministry that she was so passionate about and eventually discovered another.
She let go of her standing in her beloved community and moved into another.

...

She lived through the irony of losing it all again - and she survived.
Once again, she grieved the loss and eventually adjusted to the new reality

...
She lost her independence inch by inch along with energy and pep and health - one malady at a time.
She let go of her house - once again.
She gave away the tools of her passion - namely her baking equipment and enough dishes to feed an army or at least a crew of silo-fillers.
She traded a houseful of large rooms for one small room - losing her ability to "entertain" guests.

...

Eventually she traded that small room for an even smaller one.
She lost her privacy and another batch of her independence.
She had to let go of having food cooked the way she liked it - again and again.

...

With each loss, she adjusted.
She has chosen to accept each new reality and to celebrate the good parts of it.

That's what I call a positive example.
Amazing even.

...

Thanks, Mom.

Work or play?

But what is work and what is not work?

Is it work to dig,

to carpenter,

to plant trees, to fell trees,

to ride,

to fish, to hunt,

to feed chickens,

to play the piano,

to take photographs,

to build a house,

to cook, to sew, to trim hats,

to mend motor bicycles?

All of these things are work to somebody,

and all of them are play to somebody. 

There are in fact very few activities

which cannot be classed either as work or play

according as you choose to regard them.

-- George Orwell, The Road to Wigan Pier

...

My thanks to Gretchen Rubin for bringing this
and so many other cool quotes to my attention.

Good friend

Dear friend,

I don’t think that I’ve ever called you my best friend.

I guess somehow that would have seemed presumptuous.

Oh, you were a good friend and I've always liked you a lot, but our journeys converged for only a brief time.  I learned so much from you during those few short years we were in close proximity. I wish I had taken better notes.

When distance again separated us, I realized a bit more about what a treasure you are. I made conscious choices to reconnect from time to time - maybe even to the point of intruding on your schedule.  Oops.  But you were always gracious and welcoming.

And then there was the most recent reconnect - the one that neither one of us would have chosen.  Well, at least we wouldn't have chosen the reason. That big new thing we had in common that once again brought us together.  The dreaded disease and everything involved. The testing and the treatment. The waiting and the wondering. The fears and the feelings. The seriousness and the sadness.  

I began the cancer journey sooner than you but you passed me up - not only in the physical and medical complexities and milestones, but also in your ability to find life lessons in the midst of difficulty. And to be so grace-filled. And so positive. 

I cherished this opportunity for closer connection again even though it came through an unpleasant reason. I was smart enough to take advantage of opportunities for conversation but I wanted to be careful not to steal too many spoonfuls of your time and energy.  Yes, there was more I could have gleaned from you, but so many others in closer circles needed you even more.  And so I continued to cherish what I could gain whether in your short notes as you had the strength or in reading the updates from you and your family. 

...

As I look back over the different phases of our connection, I celebrate you and the things i've learned from you. 

During our shared months of pregnancy and young motherhood, I learned about patience and serenity from your example. Oh, my. Not sure I’ve ever known anyone who displayed such calm. How wonderful for me to be around that attitude when I was just beginning my parenting journey!

During the middle years of our long-distance friendship, I still gleaned valuable lessons - about priorities and planning ahead, about hospitality and serving, and about treating people with respect and dignity.

During these most recent years of our cancer journeys, I continue to learn.  You've always been an example to me but I have more recently realized what a valuable role model and mentor you have become for me through the years even at a distance.

I still have much to learn…

About being courageous

About taking responsibility

About loving people

About serving others

About being a friend

About standing for right but doing it with grace 

About finding the positive side of tough stuff that comes my way

About making the most of my moments

About letting peace rule my heart

About seeking wisdom

About compassion

I am sad that I can longer ask your advice.

I have already been missing you.

...

Good friends, best friends...

Such interesting terms.

As I said before I do not presume to claim best friend status with you but... 

You are definitely one of the BEST people I’ve ever known. 

And you have been my friend.

A good one.

The best.

And for that I am so very grateful.

Thank you.