little tiny window in that teeny tiny place

When I posted this photo as my cover shot back in 2012, there were lots of comments about the lovely view. 

But I see more than the view outside the window.
I see and remember and can almost feel the darkness in that little loft...
The black margin around that cheery picture.
The frame of darkness.

And I see a symbol of some of the process we chose to maintain our mental health.

I can remember that the time in this tiny place definitely had an edge to it.
Yes, there was the edge of excitement and crazy abandon and wild adventure.
But there were also moments that could better be described as the edge of despair.

What's the word?
The being closed off inside this tiny space ...
The vulnerability...
Claustrophobic!
That's it.

As I look at this picture today in December 2020...  not quite solstice, with the darkness still encroaching, it feels painfully familiar.  I can see a bit of light and beauty and life but it is still framed in a lot of darkness.

The place we now sit definitely has an edge to it.

Yes, there is an edge of relief and a bit of hope...

But there are also moments of fear that could be described as the edge of despair.

I made it through those months in that small space.

I focused on the light and beauty and hope rather than the surrounding darkness.

Most days.

I can still make that choice today... to survive this depressing time and place.

I can choose to cling to that bit of hope even while not expecting too much...