October writing challenge

I recently realized that it was time for a fresh start in my writing.  September has almost always felt like a new year to me.  A chance to get back to normal - after a busy summer.  So I set some small goals for September and then I actually did something with them. 

…

DAILY WRITING HABIT

I decided to bring back my daily habit of writing at least 300 words - at least several days each week. As I look back on September I discovered that I did 12 days in a row and 25 for the month. Definitely a success.  I’ll take that.

For October I decided to bump it up another notch - as the next step of preparation for my big writing month of November.  For fifteen years now I have participated in NaNoWriMo - also known as National Novel Writing Month - when we write 50,000 words to earn a certificate.

Well, technically, NaNoWriMo is a misnomer, at least for me - because I don’t write novels.  And maybe because it was not just “national” but had become a global event.  Well, and now unfortunately the official NaNoWriMo is no more.  But the habit has been built and the benefit still matters - so at least for another year or three - I shall continue the discipline of cranking out 50K during November by averaging a couple thousand words per day.

October is the preamble, the chance to bump up the daily writing habit - from 300 words to something closer to 2K.  Hopefully this exercise will also produce something worth editing and actually using somewhere.

It is now mid-October and I am happy to report that I have indeed typed out a thousand words on seven of those days and at least 500 on another five days.  Feels like good progress on this next step.

…

WEEKLY BLOG POSTS

My September writing challenge also included a goal of bumping up my posting frequency here on my blog.  I had been faithful to post at least once a month for a lot of years, but wanted to change that to SEVERAL times a month.  Sure enough, I posted 4 times in September - which is a good step toward my weekly publishing wish.

…

September Challenge: Week Two Update

I turned the page from August to September with the idea of a September challenge.

I had been reminded of how effective a monthly challenge can be because of the relatively short time span. I also remember how significant September had become for me - almost thinking of it as my new year.

So I decided to challenge myself to bump up my daily walking - from my usual mile/day - to add another half-mile or maybe even more.

I am pleased to discover that I am doing well with that challenge - having walked 18 miles so far.

So yes, it’s working… 

And I am encouraged.

...

Somewhere in those transitional hours from August to September I also decided to set a writing challenge to augment my walking challenge.  

I had already been seeing my writing year as beginning in September - a time to rebuild my regular writing habits and to ponder my writing strategy for the coming months.

I chose as my main challenge to make sure that I am writing at least 300 words/day - for a minimum of 5 days/week or 20 days for the month.  So far I have succeeded every day of the first 11 days.

Early in the month I also pondered my wish of turning my monthly blogging habit into a weekly one. I decided to give it a try.  Sadly, I had begun to think I might not succeed with that one this week, but I guess I am. Right here. Right now. Taking that next step I am.

So there we go.

Small steps

Progress

Gratification

Happy Juneteenth! I'm sorry I'm late.

Less than 10 years ago I first heard of Juneteenth and have been trying to learn more about it since.  Because I feel such a huge gap in my education, I can identify with this guy.

Yes, fact checkers have found this guy in Ohio, who told them,

"I hope it lets people know that it's OK

to change your opinion

when you're presented with new evidence

that clearly shows you were wrong.”

Today a Facebook friend posted these lines - and gave me permission to share.  Thank you, Ryan DjRhino Flemming. 

On this day in 1865, Union General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston, Texas, and read General Order No. 3, announcing and enforcing the freedom of enslaved people in Texas.

While President Abraham Lincoln had issued the Emancipation Proclamation more than two years earlier on January 1, 1863, its enforcement depended upon the presence of Union troops. As Union forces advanced into formerly Confederate territory, freedom was not only proclaimed—it was secured. For many enslaved people in Texas, that moment finally arrived on June 19, 1865.

For those who had lived under the bondage of slavery, this was a day of profound joy and significance. In the years that followed, they commemorated the occasion as “Juneteenth,” and over time that celebration spread throughout the nation.

Nearly every major movement has a defining moment that comes to symbolize the larger story. Juneteenth has become such a moment in the story of slavery’s end in the United States. It represents the day when the promise that all people are created equal moved closer to becoming a reality for all Americans.

We remember Juneteenth not to celebrate the fact that slavery once existed in our nation, but to celebrate that it was brought to an end. We honor those who endured its cruelty, those who fought against it, and those who sacrificed to secure freedom for others. We also celebrate the truth that every person is created in the image of God and is therefore worthy of dignity, justice, and respect.

Happy Juneteenth!

 

September New Year

Historically September has marked a new year for me.  After college Bob and I became teachers thereby establishing the fact that we would live by the rhythm of the school calendar for most of our lives.  

During the years when I was a SAHM, I noticed that September became an almost sacred time for me.  As Dad and the kids (and foster kids and foreign-exchange students) headed back to school for the fall, my schedule once again contained a bit of routine.  I had the luxury of deciding what to do with at least some of my time.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love, love, LOVED summer vacation and the privilege and freedom to hang with the family, but the introvert in me became aware how precious and valuable it was to have a bit of solitary discretionary time. 

After Bob retired from teaching and began a second career, we found ourselves still celebrating that rhythm - particularly after-school snack time!  Seriously.  

All these years later, September still feels like a shift. Turning a corner.  A new beginning. A fresh start.  A time for new projects.  Interestingly we have actually re-engaged with the school year calendar during our recent work with incoming International students - a schedule that feels very familiar to us.

Turns out we are not the only ones who thinks in terms of the September new year.  Writer Jon Acuff hosts a September challenge each year.  This year's focus was a five-day "Back to..." challenge and was very helpful. 

I chose to get "back to" reading - specifically real books.  In order to make this more likely to happen, I decided to create space for it by starting my evening routine earlier so that I could get up earlier - to read.  (Why didn't I just read in the evening?  Tried that.  Too fidgety. Lack of focus.)  But this time I was a bit more intentional with a cozy reading spot... and it worked!  

I read an entire book in these last ten days.  And I learned a bunch of new stuff from our trusty leader as well as from others in the online group.  I am at this very moment strategizing and setting realistic goals for my own personal 90-day challenge during the next three months!  And I met a new writing friend who lives in France.  Bonus!

Yay for new beginnings and fresh starts.

Yay for second (and third) chances.

Yay for friends and strangers who can encourage and offer wisdom and perspective.

What works?

I am full of big ideas. I easily come up with things that I really want to do but then I often struggle to follow through on making them happen. Then I get all discouraged and feel like a failure.  

• What’s wrong with me?
• Why can’t I manage to do what I really wanted to do?

...

But… 

I am changing.  

Mostly I’m changing the questions.  

Instead of asking what’s wrong with me, I try to notice what is working or not working about the system or methods I’m using.

 

Now I ask:

• Is this working?
• What is working about it?
• What is not working?
• How can I tweak the process to make it work better?

Might be a subtle shift, but it’s working!

See what I did there?

I notice that I don’t get so down on myself about failing.

Instead of wallowing in that murky mess of guilt or failure, I can objectively examine what’s working or not working and figure out how to make it better.  

It’s no longer about my worth.  

It is simply about finding what works.

Which might take experimentation.

Try stuff out.

Because anything worth doing is worth trying stuff out; right?

One page and then another

John Steinbeck said:

I pulled Rocinante into a small picnic area… and got out my book of maps. And suddenly the United States became huge beyond belief and impossible ever to cross. … It was like starting to write a novel. When I face the desolate impossibility of writing five hundred pages a sick sense of failure falls on me and I know I can never do it. This happens every time. Then gradually I write one page and then another. One day’s work is all I can permit myslf to contemplate… So it was now, as I looked at the bright-colored projection of monster America.

STILL not done!

I woke up feeling pretty overwhelmed again - about all my stuff! I still feel buried under it. That's kinda' sad - since I was hoping to be free by now. I guess I feel powerless about my lack of ability to let go of more stuff. There is so much I could/should have gotten rid of by now, and I feel embarrassed and discouraged about it.

We went back to the farm again yesterday to deal with the leftovers in that one shed. Bitter cold out there. Too cold to work outside or in the shed or the RV. I just couldn't seem to concentrate or focus or make any decisions about what should go where. However hubby insisted that we made good progress. At this point, I want more than progress; I want to be DONE!!!

We did load a bunch of stuff in the truck and we did make numerous stops. Dropped another pile off at the thrift store and more at the storage unit and brought the rest down here.

Funny thing! The guy at the thrift store saw us pull up with our load of stuff and immediately started clearing space for it. I quickly explained that it was not all coming there.

Another memorable moment at the storage unit - when we searched for a metal folding chair that my mom had requested... I was able to spot it in the flashlight beam - about halfway back. We moved 2 or 3 things out of the way so that hubby could squish through what was left of our center aisle until he was able to barely reach it. Finding the oomph to lift it up out of the tightly-packed 3-D puzzle at that wacky angle and that distance and then hoisting it over everything between it and us seemed doubtful, but he did it!!! His mother-in-law has no idea what he went through to rescue that chair for her!!!

And then back to our new home with the rest of the load. That's when the shame sets in again. I don't want hubby or anybody else to have to haul around all of my boxes of things that I SHOULD have gotten rid of. And I don't like taking up so much space in this room in our daughter's house. I feel really impatient with myself for hanging on to so much stuff!!!

All kinds of feelings of failure and worthlessness threaten to pull me down. I feel silly. I feel discouraged. I feel sad. And I feel overwhelmed and powerless.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

But I'm not. I am not powerless.
I am not a failure.
I can still choose to tell myself the truth.
I HAVE made progress. HUGE progress.
I can recognize that I am physically (and mentally and emotionally) exhausted and probably fighting some kind of respiratory bug which saps my energy - what's left of it.
I can choose to be kind to myself.

And when I start in on today's project of trying to whip this last load of stuff into some semblance of order, I can remind myself to focus on just one box at a time. Piece by piece.

AND I don't have to fear what others think of me.

AND that I can only do what I can do.

Not always the best focus

Back from a week away and wanting to get back into gear with the downsizing project, but where to start...?

I did get things hauled in from the RV and I did get them put away. That helps me feel accomplished.

However, there is still the pile of paperwork from my medical visits at the cancer center early in the week. I really want/need to sort through all of those papers and remind myself of which things I now need to incorporate into my life. Some things must be put on the calendar - like those other pesky medical tests that I've been putting off for months. Years even. And then other things need my mental attention - in doing research and making decisions about nutrition and wellness issues that were suggested to me by my health care team. They were good suggestions but I know that I will not automatically start doing them. I must learn and I must prioritize. I must build new habits. I don't want to set that packet of info aside and forget about it. It is valuable stuff and the longer I ignore it, the less it will help me. My health is worth the investment.

On the other hand, that mountain is still there. That stuff that must be processed and downsized. Those piles of boxes in the basement! More in the shed. And in the other shed! Boxes of old files, boxes of books, boxes of who-knows-what. Sometimes I wonder if I've made any progress at all. Sometimes I get discouraged and overwhelmed. Often I don't know where to start.

But then I have to remind myself that indeed, I did already start. That I don't have to keep stepping back and looking at the big overwhelming picture all the time. That it's okay to just step in close and focus on one pile at a time. One box at a time. And it's more than okay to just start where I am. In fact, that's the best place to start. Right where I am.

So those three suitcases that I found just before last week's travels? Those culprits that contain more winter clothes? The ones that surprised me when I thought I had already finished sorting the winter stuff? Yah, those. Maybe I will take those on today. Maybe even just one of them.

And those voices in my head? The ones that are saying that I'm not really doing so well at this downsizing thing. The condemning labels about being a failure and still being a packrat and a hoarder. Those warnings that I'll NEVER get done with all this. Those voices that try to convince me that my self-worth is based on my progress (or lack of it!) in this daunting downsizing process...

Yah, those voices. I need to ignore them or confront them, but I don't need to listen to them. It's okay to be proud of what I have done. It is right to celebrate where I am right now and to enjoy the moment. And it's okay to take baby steps again today. Even just one.