STILL not done!

I woke up feeling pretty overwhelmed again - about all my stuff! I still feel buried under it. That's kinda' sad - since I was hoping to be free by now. I guess I feel powerless about my lack of ability to let go of more stuff. There is so much I could/should have gotten rid of by now, and I feel embarrassed and discouraged about it.

We went back to the farm again yesterday to deal with the leftovers in that one shed. Bitter cold out there. Too cold to work outside or in the shed or the RV. I just couldn't seem to concentrate or focus or make any decisions about what should go where. However hubby insisted that we made good progress. At this point, I want more than progress; I want to be DONE!!!

We did load a bunch of stuff in the truck and we did make numerous stops. Dropped another pile off at the thrift store and more at the storage unit and brought the rest down here.

Funny thing! The guy at the thrift store saw us pull up with our load of stuff and immediately started clearing space for it. I quickly explained that it was not all coming there.

Another memorable moment at the storage unit - when we searched for a metal folding chair that my mom had requested... I was able to spot it in the flashlight beam - about halfway back. We moved 2 or 3 things out of the way so that hubby could squish through what was left of our center aisle until he was able to barely reach it. Finding the oomph to lift it up out of the tightly-packed 3-D puzzle at that wacky angle and that distance and then hoisting it over everything between it and us seemed doubtful, but he did it!!! His mother-in-law has no idea what he went through to rescue that chair for her!!!

And then back to our new home with the rest of the load. That's when the shame sets in again. I don't want hubby or anybody else to have to haul around all of my boxes of things that I SHOULD have gotten rid of. And I don't like taking up so much space in this room in our daughter's house. I feel really impatient with myself for hanging on to so much stuff!!!

All kinds of feelings of failure and worthlessness threaten to pull me down. I feel silly. I feel discouraged. I feel sad. And I feel overwhelmed and powerless.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

But I'm not. I am not powerless.
I am not a failure.
I can still choose to tell myself the truth.
I HAVE made progress. HUGE progress.
I can recognize that I am physically (and mentally and emotionally) exhausted and probably fighting some kind of respiratory bug which saps my energy - what's left of it.
I can choose to be kind to myself.

And when I start in on today's project of trying to whip this last load of stuff into some semblance of order, I can remind myself to focus on just one box at a time. Piece by piece.

AND I don't have to fear what others think of me.

AND that I can only do what I can do.