How would my dad treat this person?

I am heartbroken these days by the scary things happening to so many people in our world.  I so often wonder what I can do to help… and feel like I can’t do enough.

Today is my dad’s birthdate so I’ve been thinking about him and reading through some things people have said about him - like the former neighbor who said “this world needs more Lee D’Arcy’s” - which reminded me that we can continue his legacy.  The things we saw in him are things that the world needs.  Those things give us an example we can continue.  

I paused to remember some of the comments I often hear repeated about him:

• He always took time to ask how we were doing
• He listened to what mattered to us
• He might disagree with someone but still love them
• He always made me feel special

Sure enough, the tactics my dad practiced could be helpful to the people I know who are struggling or fearful about the future.  Making someone feel special or listened to is definitely a good place to start.

So now I want to read some of these other things I’ve collected about him…

how does that help?

"You guys!  How does that help?!?"

That’s what I want to yell when someone posts something negative or judgy or blame-y or complain-y or whatever…  

Fear is a crazy thing and fearful people do crazy things.  But condemning them or calling them names probably doesn't help.  Which I why I want to yell my question.  However, I usually restrain myself.

I do think that it is actually a fair question.  So maybe I should be asking it of myself... like whenever I open my mouth to offer my expert opinion of what should have been done differently.  Yah, how does that help?  How do my words help anybody or anything?

A wise young friend astutely observed…   Regardless of how we got here, the situation is what it is and I’m just really hoping everyone stays safe and healthy!

And he's right.  This is where we are and what we have to work with.  We don't have the option to go back and change how we got here.  We have only the choice of what to do with it.

We have to start where we are and this is where we are now. We can start asking how to make the best of it.  

• I can learn new skills; in fact, I might need to learn new skills - like how to participate in online meetings.
• I might even need to brush up on some old skills.
• I can use the time to catch up on work around the house.
• I might tackle a project I've been wanting to do. 
• I could maybe even finish that old uncompleted one. 
• Maybe I can bake those monster cookies.
• I could learn how to play "Words with Friends."
• I can read more of those books I hauled home from the library.
• I could call that friend who has been on my mind.  I could even write her a letter!
• I might look for creative ways to help other people.  What could I do to make the world a better place?

I may feel powerless about what is happening out there, but maybe I can pick one little spot in my own little space and turn chaos into calm.

I hope to do several of those items on my list above

I will probably need to consult the list now and then - because I tend to forget my good intentions and my great ideas.

...

But I also hope to add a new habit...  

I really want to pay attention to myself and to notice when I'm about to spout off my opinion about what somebody should do. I want to learn to pause in those moments and ask myself "How does that help?" 

A timely gift

Ten year anniversary

That’s how long we had been married.

That’s also how long we had volunteered our time with the teens in the youth program.

They were wonderful and amazing kids and felt like family.

We loved them and they loved us.

On that anniversary they surprised us with a lovely gift as a thank you for those years invested in them - a beautiful clock that fit perfectly on our new chimney.  The soft tick-tock-ticking became the metronome for family dinners and office tasks done in that room.  The mellow gong on the hour and the half marked the days of our lives from that time forward.  

That clock helped keep us on schedule for the next 30 years until it was packed away in storage with the rest of our most special belongings while we lived on the road for the next few years.

But now…  

Now we have moved back into a real house.  As we finish renovating one room at a time, we pull out cherished possessions from their storage boxes and discover where they fit in this old house.

Today marks another anniversary of sorts. It was three years ago today we first looked at this house - which would become our new home.  What a perfect time to welcome the beloved chime clock back into our daily rhythms.  Ah, yes; such wonderful familiar sounds, the ticking and the gonging, punctuating the days of our lives in a new place and time.  Sounds of home.  Again.

The choice

I often have a choice about what to do with my next few minutes. 

I could stare at a screen and play a game or surf the web.

Or I could stop and think of other options that might be a lot more valuable. I might even be able to pick myself up out of the chair and actually DO something...

I just read something by Ed Cyzewski on this topic.

Could it be that he struggles with that same choice?

Here's what he says:

...

The other day I had a few moments to myself at home, and I had a choice...

A question came to mind: 

"What will help me become my true self?"

I don’t know where it came from, but it helped me move beyond the simple pursuit of pleasure or comfort. It guided me past the quick fix mentality that drives social media use.

I put the iPad down….

Instead, I read from Thomas Merton’s Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander (my second time through), and Merton guided me toward a faith that seeks to know the living God rather than believing out of duty or being good. In the space of a page Merton grounded me in what a daily spirituality can look like."

I’m all in favor of leisure and hobbies, but I’m also aware that each day I face a choice between immersing myself in distractions or cultivating my true self. 

We have these small but ultimately significant decisions each day. It’s funny to write about them in retrospect, but in the moment, we all know that choosing the healthier, soul-restoring activity requires more will power than we want to admit.

...

According to Ed Cyzewski, I can...

- immerse myself in distractions or

- cultivate my true self.  

Which will I choose?

What will help me become my true self?

Life to live

Yikes!

What in the world has happened to my blogging habit?

Well, I’ll tell you what happened.  I have let myself get so involved in life that I run out of time and simply can’t do all of the things that I think I’m going to do.  I think I wrote about that once - about how life can get in the way of writing about life!  Or something like that.  

Much has happened in recent months.  Lots of excitement.  Lots of fun.  Lots that I do want to write about - if I can ever find the time to sit myself down to make it happen.

Our recent move has opened up a whole new world. For example, after being on the road for a few years and experiencing a lack of community, suddenly the opportunities abound and I find myself jumping in with both feet.

There are fascinating and exciting
things to do, 
places to go, 
trails to explore, people to meet, 
food to taste, 
mulberries to pick, roses to smell…  

Life to live… 

And the fun-filled weeks slip by.  

There are 
car shows, 
tractor shows, 
art shows, 
and music shows.  
I’ve attended
a literary festival, 
an art festival, 
and a world-famous
festival of races.

We made this move to be near the International students, many of whom have been away during the summer but they are just now arriving back for the fall semester.

In the last couple days we have met new people from 10 different countries - and are expecting many of them to show up at our house on Saturday for an American hot dog roast.  We are working hard to find and provide some meatless options - at least some dishes with no beef for the Hindus and some with no pork for the Muslims.  Yes, we will serve Koegel Viennas but we also have turkey dogs and even some vegetarian ones.

Yep, there is lots of life to live.  I do want to write about many of these various things, but in the meantime, I’m enjoying pretty much every minute of my new life.

Adventure awaits

Today’s the day, but we know not the hour and so we sit and wait.

We need to be ready to step out the door at a moment's notice. 
And so we are.  
Ready. 
Waiting.

Certainly there are more things that we could be doing.  Lots more things.

But we don’t want to start something that we can’t leave in the middle.

And so we pick projects that will take only five minutes or things that we CAN leave unfinished.

So I guess we are not really sitting and waiting.  

We sit and wait until we think of one more thing we could do in a short time.

We do that one thing and probably another.

In the meantime, we find still another.

And then we sit and wait again - and get so excited that we can hardly stand it.

But then we figure out one more detail that we could care for.

One more project.

One more loose end that we can tie up.

And another…

And then we wait again.

Adventure awaits and so we wait.

Settling in - it's time

In the couple weeks since we returned from the tropics we have survived an awful stomach bug and an ice storm - both while camping in our little RV. We have also enjoyed reconnecting with all of our kids and both of our moms.

And now we are moving into a new apartment. That's right; after being nomads for a couple years, we have signed a lease. We are making a commitment to stay in one place for awhile.

Why?

Because it's time.

It’s time.

Time to settle down for awhile.

It’s time to settle in and stay put for a season - for a year at least. 

Time to enjoy the four seasons. I’ve missed them and it’s time.

It’s even time to hibernate through a winter after being snow birds for four years. 

It’s time to unpack.

Time to gather all of our stuff in one place so we can finally finish the sorting and organizing and down-sizing. We began the process nearly five years ago and we have made some amazing progress, but still there is to much to deal with.

After living in the big house for 40 years where we had 2800 sq. ft. of space AND several out buildings we ended up living in a 28-foot long RV - with the rest of our stuff crammed into a 10x20 storage unit.

When we made that tumultuous move out of the big house, we had run out of time and energy. Rather than finishing the down-sizing process, too many things got stuffed into bins and boxes and got hauled to one shed and another and then the basement at the log cabin before landing in the storage unit.

It’s time to finish that process. To wrap it up. To go through those bins and boxes and to get rid of more stuff. To let go of the stuff that we don’t need and that holds no real value for us. 

It’s time to stop shuffling and shuttling boxes here and there. It’s time to open them up and really deal with the stuff. It’s time to pick up an item and actually make a decision about it  - and then another. Hopefully it’s time to realize that the entire contents of some boxes can go - to a new home or to the trash - with simply a farewell wave from me. Oh, wouldn’t that be nice?!?

…

It’s also time to be near the grandkids and to be available to babysit on the spur of the moment or to pick them up from school or daycare when needed.

...

Two of our original reasons to down-size and sell the farm were so that we could be free to be near our grandkids and so that we could travel and explore a bit before deciding whether and where we might want to settle down. We have done both - not enough time being near our grandkids yet but more than enough exploring for now. So it’s time.

…

And it’s the right place. We are just a few minutes from two of them and less than two hours from the other. We can get there easily.

There are lots of other reasons why this is the right place for this time - some of which we are only beginning to realize.

But it’s time and we are settling in with big sighs of satisfaction and contentment.

Morning

Morning

I like morning.

I love morning.

I feel fresh in the morning.

I feel energized in the morning.

Optimistic.

Confident.

Morning is a gift.

Morning is the gift of a fresh start.

A do-over.

A chance for redemption.
Early morning is quiet and serene.*

Mornings are precious.

I love morning so much. 

I want to take advantage of every minute.

I might try to fit too much into my morning.

I want to go for my walk in the morning before it gets too hot.

I need to walk early in the day while I have the most energy.

I try to get maintenance stuff done in the morning so I can enjoy having my life in order for the rest of the day.

But…

I ALSO want to write in the morning while my mind is fresh and creative. In fact, I really like to write first thing in the morning before anything has a chance to distract me.

There are SO many things I want to do in the morning. 

Consequently I often try to do too much with my morning.

I expect too much from my morning.

Yikes!

I don’t want to spoil my morning by packing it too full.

Instead I want to find ways to cherish the morning. 

To respect it. 

To enjoy it.

To value it.

To celebrate morning. 

I choose to celebrate this morning.

I will celebrate tomorrow morning and every morning that I am given.

I appreciate morning as the fleeting moment that it is.

I savor morning as a fine thing of beauty and choose to handle it lovingly.

This is a Five-Minute Friday post.

...

* Thank you, Busy B., for the reminder.

The Mexican fisherman

A few days ago I wrote about the poverty and difficult circumstances that many Dominicans face.

Today I happened to remember this story.*
One of my favorite stories ever. 

Perspective
Attitude
Priorities
Contentment
...

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.  An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife.  In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . . .I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.   Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!  From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing.

"When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really?"  And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

...

* I have no idea where this story originated. It guess it is public domain by now - and lots of people have written about it all across the internet.

Time to write

Here I am - living on a tropical island.

The perfect place to write.

Right?

Many writers would give an arm and a leg for this privilege. 

To spend the winter in a little village at the end of the road on a remote peninsula... Where the highway stops at the sea...
Sounds so idyllic.

And it is a wonderful place to write. A blessing for which I am terribly grateful.

However, I was smart enough to know ahead of time that living here would be no guarantee that I would get lots of things written. I know myself pretty well. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. That I always seem to imagine that I will accomplish far more than I can actually pull off.

I also knew enough about living in this country to know that there is not as much time to do the things you might think you’ll be able to do. There are a couple obvious reasons for that.

First, the heat and humidity sap the strength right out of me. I move more slowly. Indeed, I often notice that I am dragging myself up the stairs to our little studio apartment. Sometimes it’s had to find the energy to do anything - let alone to discipline myself to work hard.

Secondly, the stuff of life just takes so much work here. We learned that many years ago. Yes, I know what Gershwin wrote about summertime and the livin’ is easy. But I also remember when we lived in this country 26 years ago that we quickly learned that just living is a whole lot of hard work. Everything takes longer. Shopping, cooking, cleaning up. Culture stress slows me down and wears me out. 

So there doesn’t turn out to be unlimited amounts of time to write - nor the energy to write when you do have time.

Oh, yes, there's another reason...  I also wanted to be somewhat free to make the most of every opportunity that comes with living in a place like this. I didn’t want to keep myself hidden away and miss out on everything outside our walls. In other words, I knew that I would want to spend time out there experiencing the sights and sounds and tastes and smells - even if it meant that I wouldn’t get to write as much as I might hope. 

I keep reminding myself that John Steinbeck didn’t write a single page of his book while on his actual trip across America. He just experienced it in the moment - and then wrote the book “Travels with Charlie” later. After the fact. I take comfort in that.

But still I hoped that I would be able to do a reasonable amount of writing. I planned to write regular blog posts while here in this great setting.  I had set some small goals for working on one of my NaNo books. 

At the same time I knew I would need to be patient with myself. To not beat myself up if I wasn’t prolific enough or diligent enough.  

…

So here we are. 

Half-way through our time here. 

How am I doing anyway?

...

Yes, I am writing. Cranking out lots of words and actually publishing some of them. As is rather “normal” for me (no matter where we live!) I am quite sporadic in the things that I actually produce.  I think I posted 13 times in January and only once so far in February. Like I said, that is fairly normal for me.

And yes, I have reached the first of my NaNo goals!

For once it would seem that I may have set some pretty reasonable expectations of myself for my writing output during this season.

And yes, there have times when I can’t seem to get in gear. But still I write. Still I crank out the words - and at least some of them end up being used.

…

Yes, living here takes much energy - and lots of time.

AND yes, there are those cultural opportunities that I choose to give high priority.

For example, I need to shut down my computer right now so I can get to my tutoring session.

Because you see, the seemingly shy girl who did my $11 pedi at the tiny little salon by the French bakery last week found the courage to ask me if I would teach her English a couple days a week. I was not about to turn down that opportunity. So here I go…

There will be time to write later.

Transition(s)

Pink October

Once again I’ve been thinking about all the pink ribbons and once again wondering. Wondering if it really does any good. Hopefully there will be lives saved by the awareness campaign. But I wonder.  Might there be better ways to invest the bucks and the energy? I’m guessing that a huge percentage of the dollars and the decorations and the hype really doesn’t make any positive difference for anybody. I hope I’m wrong, but I wonder.

Sad Remembrance

October has also been set aside as a time of awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. Long a hidden and overlooked issue, I’m glad that steps are being taken to recognize how real and how painful this grief can be.

It’s personal

Both of these “commemorations” are personal for me. I am a breast-cancer survivor and I’ve experienced the loss of miscarriage. I understand at least a bit of the fear and grief involved with both. I hope that I am sensitive to others affected by them. 

It's time to move again

During September and October - between our commitment at the lighthouse and other short trips - we have been parked in our daughter’s yard. This campsite does not boast full hook-ups - which means that the usual convenience of RV life has been traded in for more of a camping lifestyle - but the joy of being near to help with the little one tips the scale.

And now the temperature is falling so we need to winterize the RV. Therefore we move tomorrow into a furnished apartment for November and December. It is right along Stacy’s route to work so we can help with child-care once she goes back after maternity leave. Then after the holidays, at the beginning of the year, we will head to warmer temps.

It’s NaNo time!

November is National Novel Writing Month and once more I am participating. It is my sixth year and has been a great experience for me. A great time to do some concentrated writing. I plan to crank out 2000 words a day to make it to the goal of 50,000 words written during the month. I will gladly accept encouragement and questions about how it’s going.