Twenty years

I got the phone call with the dreaded news twenty years ago today.

Yes, it is cancer.  

Two days before Christmas.

Such a diagnosis claims instant power to freeze the frames of your life.

Fear barges into the picture.

Questions cry out.

Priorities shift.

Christmas plans fade into the shadows along with other duties and responsibilities… until slowly… we are somehow able to step out from behind the bad news and go through the motions of the celebration that continues around us.  Life goes on - or so we hope.

I have no idea why I was one of the lucky ones with good outcomes in my treatment plan. No clue why I’m a survivor even while losing dear friends and family members to cancer.

Yes, I am grateful for my good fortune. 

And yes, I am aware of some sense of pressure to live well. 

I often think of those dear ones and wish they could still have that privilege.  What a blessing to have had them in my life and to have learned valuable lessons from every one of them.

Becky 

Jerry

Karin

Jodi

Karina

Ron

I think of others who have also lost dear ones to this awful disease.  

And other diseases.

And reckless drivers.

And acts of war.

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with such sadness.

All I know to do is to care.

To offer kindness and compassion.

On the eve of Christmas Eve

It was nineteen years ago today that I got the phone call.

"I'm afraid it is bad news. Yes, it is cancer.”   

Two days before Christmas!

So began an adventure that I would not have asked for.  A journey of more medical appointments, more testing, more poking and prodding, more surgeries, more decisions.  Then came chemotherapy and radiation and the eventual milestones of semi-annual and annual check-ups.  

But then a recurrence... which led to yet another journey of consultations, decisions, surgeries… and finally back to the annual check-up pattern again.  

Memories of bad news, good news, fear, stress, compassion, empathy, hope, and gratitude mingle on such a date as this.  And celebration for 16 years cancer-free.

On this date...

 Days often seem ordinary while we are in the midst of living them.  It may not be until we look back that we realize their significance.  I am often fascinated to remember what happened on a given date back through my history, noticing the good times and hard times.

For example this date, December 23, will probably always be remembered for the cancer diagnosis I received in 2003.  Not what I would have wished to hear two days before Christmas, but that’s what happened.  I look back and remember the hard days and weeks that followed such difficult news, but I also remember many good things that came during that journey and I am grateful.

…

Ten years ago today was another momentous date… although we were not fully aware of the significance at the time.  Oh, we suspected that this MIGHT well be our last Christmas in the big house.  We had been deliberately downsizing for over a year by then and were taking intentional steps to loosen our grip on the beloved tree farm, but we didn’t yet know the timetable.  So we noticed and enjoyed the moments of that day… which now pop up as Facebook memories…

• I am now officially the grandma of a toddler.  Little munchkin has taken off since I last saw her.  Those tentative steps have gained confidence & direction & determination.  The best way to describe what she does is "toddle" - so stinkin' cute!
• For the first time ever, I rocked my granddaughter in the chair that my mom rocked me in when I was little!  
• Also watched those two (my granddaughter and my mom) get acquainted.
• Little Lina’s first Christmas at the tree farm - maybe first and only.  So bittersweet.
• That gorgeous Hidden Hollows fir tree in that amazing room!

Scott Schupbach photo, Used by permission

There would be other memories of this date, December 23 - mostly just normal stuff and some memorable.  Just the stuff of life.

Like a couple years later on this date when that toddler had become a big sister and was very serious about her job of redistributing candy canes on their Christmas tree.

Like the different places we lived…  the Christmas cabin for a couple years, basement apartments for a couple years, and eventually this house in a historical district…

On this date…  lots of memories… and still more dreams for the future.

Wonder what this date will hold in coming years…

On this date

Sixteen years ago today…  2003...  Cancer diagnosis

'Twas  a scary time for sure.

Since that year, lots of other memories on this date...

2011

• Officially the grandma of a toddler...  Little munchkin has taken off since I last saw her. Those tentative steps have gained confidence & direction & determination. The best way to describe what she does is "toddle" - so stinkin' cute!
• Also enjoyed rocking this little grand-daughter in the chair that my mom rocked me in when I was little!
• We didn't know it then but that was our last Christmas in that room. The last time the kids came home to Hidden Hollows for Christmas!

2012 and 2013 - living in the log cabin and feeling thankful

2014 

• Living in Angie's basement
• Lying on a table in another hospital for yet another medical test

2015 - living in another basement, somebody else's basement that we rented for two months...

2016 - living in an apartment - grateful to be near family

2017 and 2018 and now - living in our new/old house and loving life

And so they come and go...  good days and bad days through the years.  I am so grateful as I look back on them all.

Best ways to help

"Beautiful friend Lesley shares the stories (hers and others) of life with metastatic breast cancer. I understand at least one of their frustrations and want to learn how to find effective alternatives to throwing nickels and dimes at "pink fluffy" novelties in October. Let's figure out how to really do some good in funding the research to stop this awful disease."

These lines just popped up in my Facebook memories from a couple years ago. It was good for me to read this article again.  Such great questions and really real answers. 

I often hear people wonder what they can do that will be really helpful to someone with a cancer diagnosis - so this question grabbed my attention.

What do you find is helpful for those wanting to encourage and help us but yet not knowing how?

The best? 

• Organizing a meal train
• Sending a funny card on a regular basis
• Dropping off a gift card for take out food
• Inviting me out for lunch and offering to pick me up for a specific day and time (the vague “we should get together sometime” is not helpful)
• Telling me they are praying for me or saying a rosary for me each day

What do I wish people did more? 

• Inviting my husband out for a beer to check in on him. 
• Recognize I am not a phone person and agreeing to communicate with me via e-mail or text. 
• Offer to help me clean out a closet or countless other things that need to be done around my house that simply are not getting done. 
• Tell me you know I must be scared and ask me if I’d like to talk about it. I honestly have no one in my life who will “go there” and talk about the “what ifs”.

...

AND you will notice that this is not October, the usual time for the pink fluff about breast cancer awareness. So I will be bold and also include THAT question and its honest answer.

Do you feel that those of us living with metastatic disease are overlooked by the pink tide of awareness for early stage cancer in October? How would you change that?

Colleen: Oh my gosh YES are we ever overlooked by the pink fluffy wave of breast cancer awareness! I want to hide away during the whole month of October. Early detection is great and if it saves lives I’m all for it–but the reality is it is not a fool proof method. The public has NO idea that 30% of all folks who get breast cancer will one day be diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer–that’s far too many people. And where is the funding???? Stop selling pink toilet brushes which only put profits in the manufacturer’s hands and let’s start getting some funding for research into metastatic disease! It is only by learning as much as we can as to what causes the cancer to spread that we will be able to stop it. I want people to know that what happened to me could happen to any one of them. While I don’t ever wish it, that is the simple reality.

...

And yes, there is one more thing that we can do...

What is one “action” point everyone could do TODAY to promote awareness of MBC.

Some how we need to get the word out about metastatic breast cancer; that it is the breast cancer that kills 40,000 folks in the U.S. each year. Folks who are lucky enough to live outside the world of breast cancer have NO idea that early detection is not the end all, be all. Our society has become so pink and fluffy I’d hazard to bet that many people are not even aware that thousands of women - many of them young - are dying from breast cancer each day. Once the world becomes more aware, funding needs to be directed towards researching a cure. Metastatic breast cancer receives a woefully small amount of funding for research from the whole cancer fundraising machine, that has got to change.

...

Read the rest of the post here.

NEWS

Sometimes I participate in the Five-Minute Friday event - where they give us a word and we write about that word for five minutes. No editing nor back-tracking. Just set the timer and write for five minutes.

Well, I tried to do that this morning, but it didn’t go so well.

The words is: NEWS.

My mind immediately added the adjective “bad” before the word.

I couldn’t help but think of some of the bad news we’ve heard this week.

And no, I’m not referring to the horrific divisive political circus that is constantly flooding the airways. That’s certainly bad news and it seems that nearly everyone is concerned and sick and tired of it.

But I was thinking specifically of cancer news that a couple friends are dealing with.

The kind of news that we fear but then it surprises us when it rears its ugly head - and terrifies us yet again.

The kind of news that we don’t want to hear.

The kind of news that leaves us wondering how to respond.

The kind of news that makes us cry tears of anger and tears of sadness all mingled together.

The kind of news that affects us more personally than any political primary or debate ever will.

…

So I tried to write.

I did write for five minutes.

I did crank out a few words, but I couldn’t publish them.

They were too careless.
Too frivolous. Too inconsequential.
Unthinking, unfeeling

There was no resolution.

No conclusion.

No tying up the loose ends to turn it into a nice inspirational piece.

Nope.

There was just the news and the reality that news isn’t always good.

The reminder that we are not in control as much as we wish.

That there are things we simply can’t fix. We can’t make it all better.

I don’t like that.

I don’t like it one bit.

I want answers.

I want resolution.

I want happy endings - or maybe an exciting “to be continued.”

But what are we to do with bad news?

The kind we can’t fix - no matter how hard we try? Or how hard we cry…

I can’t seem to come up with answers. 

I guess there will always be bad news and good news and some days it seems like the bad news far outweighs the good. Just not fair!

The only teeny thing I can think of is to maybe find ways to be the good news for somebody somewhere. 

I don’t have a nice numbered list of ways to do that. 

Of creative suggestions to offer.

I can't seem to think of any.

But I bet you can.

I bet most of you who read this will be able to think of at least one thing you could do.
Maybe just a small thing, but some way to be good news where it is desperately needed.

And maybe you could tell about your idea in the comments below where it could inspire someone else.
Probably we can't save the world but maybe we can tip the scales at least a teeny bit.

How about it?

Who’s in?

Good news, anyone?

Joy, hope, peace

On this date twelve years ago, we heard the dreaded "C" word.

On this day, today, I am grateful
I continue to be grateful.
Grateful for so many things.

Things like hope, joy and peace.
And a whole lot more.

By the way, these angel bears are special to me

because I got them from the Seton Cancer Center

during the weeks of radiation treatment.  

...

So much. So very much for which to be thankful.

...

For you, my reader, I wish for joy, hope, and peace.

That which cannot be earned

In a recent post, I asked the question "How in the world did we get here?" - which may not really be a question. At least I don't know that I was expecting to find an answer. I don't know that there is an answer - or maybe there are several. Maybe instead of being a question to answer, maybe it is simply a question to ponder. Cause to wonder. Perhaps cause FOR wonder.

It may be fun to speculate a bit, but with a touch of wariness. There are tons of crazy beliefs and philosophies out there about how or why we get blessed, about whether someone "deserves" to be privileged, etc. but most of them are pretty wacky and are probably best taken with a grain of salt. While there may be certain factors at play as to why some people are privileged, there are a couple things that stand out to me.

I tend to believe that certain things are simply beyond our control. That there is nothing we can do to earn our blessings. That so many of the things we enjoy are simply gifts. Gifts of grace. I don't believe that I deserve to be this fortunate nor do I believe that millions deserve to be born into poverty.

There was no way that I could have earned the right to be one of the cancer survivors nor do I deserve the other blessings I have been given. Therefore I have no reason for bragging nor for entitlement.

So when we shake our heads and wonder "How in the world did we get here?" I guess we're not really asking a question. I think we are mostly marveling at it all. Just shaking our heads in wonder and amazement. And appreciation and gratitude.

...

     Continue with the next post...
          ... or see the entire series here.
 

How in the world...?

How did we get from there to here? Sometimes I just shake my head in amazement at the huge changes in our lives in the last few years. What a journey it has been. What an adventure.

Some of the changes are obvious and have been rather dramatic. We have let go of the Christmas tree farm and the house we built and lived in for four decades. The home where we raised our kids and a whole bunch of other kids, too. Somehow we have walked away from that safe, secure, comfortable life and find ourselves out here on the road on a wild and crazy adventure.

Some of the changes have been more subtle or less visible or something, but have still been huge and dramatic in their own way. After six decades of being entrenched in church ministry, we have been catapulted from inside the walls of the institution and have landed somewhere outside of organized religion. What a journey that has been - leaving a life of over-commitment where my identity was wrapped up in my leadership role and now finding the courage to discover who I am as a person. To be willing to ask honest questions and begin to figure out which things really matter (like what did Jesus really say?) and to let go of the man-made stuff of religion. To get free from the legalistic striving for God's approval and the accompanying fear and condemnation and to finally begin to understand grace. ... Oh, what a wonderful thing. So amazing. To be set free. To be healed and restored.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

How in the world did we get here? Here we are - out here on the road living the dream. We are portable. We are free to go where we wish. We get to see new places and do some exciting stuff. We get to walk on the beach every day instead of on icy roads. We get to meet people from all over the world. We get to taste different foods. I get to live my dream of being a writer - except for making an income from it. And I get to do all of this with my best friend and favorite person in the world. And we are healthy and happy. What a boatload of blessings! How in the world did we get here?

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

At the same time I am painfully aware of friends and loved ones who don't have it so good. There have been too many moments when we were celebrating a momentous occasion even while dear friends were dealing with pain and fear and heartache. That's just life. There will always be good news and bad news intermingled in our lives and the lives of those around us.

It's tricky to celebrate your own good news in the presence of so much bad news going on. It can feel weird being one of the lucky ones when those around us are not so lucky. After dealing with my own cancer diagnosis and treatment and then recurrence and more treatment, I came through as one of the survivors - acutely aware that not everyone does. Friends were on a similar calendar to ours. We (their son and I) were diagnosed with cancer about the same time. We went through chemo during the same months. We were both bald that summer. But then I survived and he didn't - so it was weird to see his parents. I didn't know what to say to them. How to act. It felt like my presence could seem like a slap in the face - that here I was, but he was gone.

Similar feelings surface when we head out on an adventure at the very moment that someone else is dealing with sickness or death or heartache. We know that they don't want us to hide our excitement or our plans from them, but at the same time we don't want to flaunt our good fortune in the midst of their grief and pain.

In our spiritual journey as well, when we speak about how grateful we are for the circumstances that set us free and when we rejoice about grace and about being able to live without fear of condemnation, we are aware of those who have been deeply wounded or are still stuck inside the legalistic system. I certainly don't want to make anyone feel worse about their own bondage - except as it might help them encounter grace.

 So I want to be careful. To be considerate and compassionate. To be sensitive to the pain of others. At the same time, there is much to celebrate in our lives and I know that it doesn't do anybody any good for us to refuse to enjoy our blessings.

And so we do enjoy the good things that have come our way. And we do celebrate. And we do talk about them and write about them rather than trying to hide them or keep them to ourselves.

But still we shake our heads and wonder...

How in the world did we get here?

Why do we get to be among the lucky ones?

Why have we been given good news while others receive bad news?

 

...
 
    Continue with the next post... 
           ...or see the entire series here.  

 

Two days. Eleven years.

Two days before Christmas.

Eleven years ago today. That day when I got the bad news. What we feared had come true. Yes, it was cancer. Two days before Christmas.

Yesterday. Lying on a table in another hospital for yet another medical test. Couldn't help but remember those days eleven years ago. The feelings and emotions. The crazy and complicated thought processes.

So much has happened in those eleven years. I survived cancer. Twice. I am grateful. So terribly grateful. I love life.

Life is different these days. Far less certainty these days. Lots more adventure. I've had to adjust to the idea of living with the unknown and the uncertain. I've chosen to embrace it - or at least I'm starting to.

Uncertainty pervades my life. I have no permanent address. I rather like the uncertainty. Or at least I appreciate the benefits of it. I think that I don't take things for granted like I used to. I think that I am even more grateful than I used to be. More aware of my blessings.

Uncertainty makes me a better person. I think. During the years of being so sure of what I believed and what I valued may have caused me to be a teensy bit rigid. And arrogant. Yes, I admit it. Having my certainty shaken up a bit has hopefully made me more flexible and more compassionate. Hopefully.

 

CTCA - a place of hope

This is quite the place. It is always changing.

I am referring to Cancer Treatment Centers of America - at Midwestern Regional Medical Center in Zion, Illinois.

Yes, it is quite the place and it is always changing. All kinds of changes. Construction projects. Unbelievable. Every time I'm here there are major changes. I mean MAJOR - especially when I come only once a year. One time it was a huge gym in a whole new corner of the third floor. One year new guest quarters - a whole four-story hotel - serving only CTCA guests. This year there is a whole new main entrance and lobby on the far corner from where the entrance has always been. And they have taken out the parking lot and are building a brand new building. Before that they put in a five-level parking garage. Bizarre.

Doing this much construction means doing away with other buildings - several houses and a church so far. Yesterday they started tearing down one of the beautiful landmark houses across the street. A woman on the shuttle this morning may have spoken for others when she said it makes her heart-sick - even though there is much excitement about the advancements and improvements happening around here.

It is a phenomenal place in other ways as well. Patients and their care-givers are treated as guests - because the place was founded for the purpose of treating cancer patients with compassion and dignity while fighting cancer and saving lives. Very impressive it is. And very efficient. The way they provide limo service to/from the airport and shuttle services to/from the hotels - is just one of the amazing things they do to take care of us.

But then the people! It is the people that I intended to talk about. People from all over the country. People with all types of cancer and in all stages. People here for treatment and people here for follow-up care. People here for two days or three months or more. People in recovery and people on oxygen.

The diversity of their conditions is bizarre. Part of me feels depressed to meet so many people who are in late stages of cancer - while another part of me feels almost guilty for feeling so well. It scares me to hear their stories and to think about eventualities. But it also makes me incredibly grateful that I AM doing so well and grateful for places like this - that are fighting cancer so aggressively and effectively. A place that offers hope to so many who had nearly given up hope when they first came here. A place that fights cancer one person at a time.

I can't help but wonder about the future of those filling this dining room this morning and those that I have met during this visit. I can't help but wonder about my own future. And I can't help but think about loved ones I've lost to this horrible disease. Therefore I can't help but be thankful for great strides that are being made in the quest to bring cancer under control.

...

Of course, it is also a place making big money. A place charging big money - which means that a lot of people can't come here - which is another whole topic. Another reason to feel conflicted. To be grateful to be among the privileged, but to be aware and compassionate toward those who aren't.

...

As for feeling weird about being one of the lucky ones in a place where so many futures are scary... Well, I guess I need not worry about that. To the contrary, people get excited for me. After I got my test results this morning and learned that everything was good, a couple different people discovered that fact and immediately got so excited. One young woman said, "I'd be dancing around the room!" and then she proceeded to tell others my good news. A man and his son at the next table perked up their ears and looked at me with hope in their eyes when they heard I'm still around 10 years later. Yay!!! I like that. I don't mind being an symbol of hope - even if it is through no merit of my own.

Ten years

It was ten years ago today when I received the cancer diagnosis. It seems like I ought to commemorate it somehow. Like I must not ignore it nor waste it.

I guess the very best way is to hang out with the people who matter most to me. To love them greatly. To breathe in gratitude and breathe out kindness. To celebrate life and love.

Let the fun continue!!!

a white Christmas - 9 years ago

(Reposted from December 25, 2003)
... ... ... ... ...

“Merry Christmas, darling.”
That’s what I heard from Bob as he rolled over & stretched lazily.

My response almost surprised me. Totally unbidden, the words pushed through my lips. “For I know the plans I have for you (says the LORD) - plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future.”

Continuing to surprise me, those words just kept rolling around in my partially awake mind. Like a stuck record? No; more like prayerfully repeating a favorite worship chorus…

God knows the plans for me - even if I don’t know what those plans are.

They are the plans HE has for me. Not just that He knows about them, but they are HIS plans. So cool.
His plans are to prosper me - though not necessarily financially.
His plans will not harm me - what a comfort.
He has hope and a future waiting for me.

Luxuriating in the relaxed Christmas morning mood (the kids who arrived last night & are sleeping in the other bedrooms are all grown up now so they are not pounding on our door reminding us it’s time to get up!!!)…
…letting myself wake up lazily, gazing out the window…

What an awesome sight!!!! The woods have been transformed to a winter wonderland - a white Christmas to be dreamed of and sung about. A white Christmas, by the way, that was a last-minute surprise to the meteorologists. Gotta’ love it when God surprises the experts.

I seem to hear Barbra Streisand’s voice… “snow flutt’ring down & the world is new….” Yes, a fresh snow makes the world look brand new. Sorta’ like every morning brings a fresh start. And like God’s mercies - new every morning. So great is His faithfulness.

Snowflakes lazily drifting through the air. Not in a hurry, but enticing me to slow down & take some time. They dare me to just gaze at them. To do nothing. To meditate - that sounds more spiritual, doesn’t it?

Peace. Hmm… so peaceful. This idyllic scene epitomizes peace.
Peace amid headlines of war & increased terror threats.
Peace amid personal & financial losses.
Peace despite receiving “bad news.”
Peace that passes understanding - that can’t be explained.

Wait; that’s EXACTLY what my friend prayed for me a couple days ago. Peace that can’t be explained. And yet, somehow it makes perfect sense. After all, the prince of peace Himself lives inside me. Whoa. What an awesome thing.

The same LORD who whispered into my wakening thoughts: For I know the plans I have for you…
The same God who surprised the experts by giving us this gorgeous white Christmas morning…
This same Jesus whispers peace to my mind and my shaky emotions.
Thank you, Jesus.

... ... ...

I’m not the only one who received bad news this week.

I’m not the only one tired of medical procedures.

Ours isn’t the only house where things didn’t go perfectly yesterday or the day before.

We’re not the only ones missing a loved one.

There are other families facing financial woes.

Others are separated from loved ones; some are FAR AWAY from home & family.

There are others concerned about job security & health issues.

Some have lost loved ones recently or experienced major life-changes.

...

And so, dear friends, if you’re still with me…

Have you had a rough week? A rough year?

Are you carrying an unusually heavy load?

Maybe you’re lonely
Maybe you’ve received bad news
Maybe you’re struggling financially or relationally
Maybe you’re concerned about job security
Maybe you’re feeling worn out and vulnerable
Maybe the future seems uncertain

Whatever your concern, God knows the plans that HE has for you, plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

...

My wish for you… Yes, my prayer for you is this:

Peace in the midst of trouble.
Hope to combat fear.
The joy of the LORD to give you strength.

May the prince of peace be the LORD of your tomorrows.

Bad news on the eve of Christmas Eve

"How are you feeling, Kaye?"
So asks Facebook, "What's happening, Kaye?"
"How's it going, Kaye?"

Well, Facebook, let me tell you!
Ready?

...

It was nine years ago today that I got the phone call.
"I'm afraid it is bad news. Yes, it is cancer."
*gulp*
Yep, two days before Christmas!

So the journey continued with even more medical appointments, more testing, more poking and prodding, more surgeries, more decisions, then on to chemotherapy and radiation. Eventually we settled into the semi-annual and then the annual check-up routine, only to discover a recurrence. More consultations, more decisions, more surgeries, more tears...
And then eventually back to the annual check-up pattern.

...

Well, now that has been six and a half years now - since last treatment.
Six and half years cancer-free.
Yippee!!!

So, Facebook, how do I feel?
I feel great, thank you.
Not only that, but I feel pretty good about feeling good.
Thanks for asking!

...

How are YOU feeling, my friend?
What's happening?
How is it going?
Does the holiday season feel less than perfect?
I hope you can someday look back on this day and be thankful for all you have made it through.

Five Years

I haven't had my annual check-up yet so I don't have the official declaration, but it has been five years since my last cancer treatment. That's a positive milestone in the life of a cancer survivor & I am grateful to be here.

Cancer-free & happy

Another annual check-up has come and gone. The second try to get there was successful. No canceled flights, no delays, uneventful travel. Lovely weather. Needle pokes mostly successful. Test results all good.

It has been six and a half years since original diagnosis and four years since recurrence and treatment. Annual check-ups can stir up a bit of anxiety. Good test results bring sighs of relief.

Gratitude is a dominant feeling at times like this. It is so nice to have yet another check-up behind me.

Quite a day!

1:30 a.m.
Fitful sleep
Somewhat normal stress about getting up early to catch a plane
Also some “normal stress” about cancer check-up

2:40 a.m.
Awake again
…& so on…
4:30 a.m.
Need to get up in 30 minutes.
Wonder if I should try to sleep a little longer.

5 a.m.
What’s that noise?!?! Oh, yah, the alarm.
Guess I did go back to sleep.

6:15 a.m.
Out the door, on the way to Saginaw.

7:30 a.m.
AR. MBS airport, say good-bye to hubby

7:35 a.m.
Checking in at kiosk.
Agent says the flight is canceled because of t-storms in Chicago.
“Put you on 8 a.m. flight to Detroit – then 10:10 flight to Chi-town."
Sent to next desk
Hurry up & wait.
Call B. – maybe stay nearby.
Finally get some paperwork for Delta flight
No seat assignment yet
Hurry to gate area
Through security, no problem
Gate agent eventually issues seat assignment
Time for bathroom? Nope; boarding now.
Board plane, find seat, use bathroom.
Small planes have tiny bathrooms!
Call B. – I’m on plane
Call cancer center; inform transportation dep’t of flight changes
Turn off cell phone.
Barely notice take-off, normally a favorite thing.
Lean back, breathe.

8:10 a.m. – descending already
8:16 a.m. – on ground in Detroit. That was fast.
8:22 a.m. – at gate
Ask for connecting flight info – Gate A-57
Up this escalator, turn left, down the escalator, thro’ tunnel, up escalator
No big rush, departure is at 10:10 a.m.

8:35-ish – AR at new gate
Flight delayed, to depart at 10:54 a.m.
Call CC to give heads-up on latest schedule change

Flight delayed again – now to depart at 11:45 a.m.
Call CC to update.

Gate change
Flight delayed again – depart at 1 p.m.
Call CC – push back appointments?
Oops; wait. Flight is canceled
Stand in line to learn options
Call B.
Call CC
Keep standing in line

They’re closing this gate.
Go to Gate A-43 for options
Confirmed for flight tomorrow – 7 a.m.; for other options, must see person at desk.
Stand in line.
No hotel vouchers
Call B.
Call CC. Travel person gives blessing to going home & re-scheduling. She sees flight to Saginaw at 1:45 p.m. Seats available? Doesn’t know. Advises me to stay in line.

1:30 p.m. – still in line
The natives are restless (the other people standing in line)
Finally my turn
There is a flight to Saginaw at 3:45 p.m.
Can’t do that because United is still holding ticket.
Agent "releases" boarding pass as requested by CC's travel staff & tears it up.
Hmm… Wonder if that’s a good thing.
Call B. – Come to Detroit and get me…?

Find an outlet to charge phone
Call from CC: try to get United to release ticket for credit
Wait for phone to charge a bit
Go to ticket counter area; no United, different terminal.
Walk to shuttle stop, ride shuttle to North terminal, walk some more…
Huge line for United desk; never made it.

Hubby arrives to take me home.
Try calling United about ticket. Can't get thro' to real person.

Did I make the right decision? Who knows?
Learned later that more bad storms came thro’ both Chi-town and Detroit. Tornadoes were sighted and/or touched down in both cities. Trains were stopped, expressways closed and even the big planes were grounded.

Guess I made the right decision.
Happy to get back home safely.
But I still have to go for that check-up – try again same time next week.