Death during pandemic

Somebody died tonight

The first death close to us during this pandemic

Strange

Surreal

Because of the stay at home orders,

there would be no gathering.

No circling together for strength

No standing shoulder to shoulder

How we hate the idea of him dying alone

Of anyone having to die alone

But rules change during a pandemic

Isolation rules

To save lives

Isolation in homes

Isolation in emergency rooms

Isolation in ICU

But…

Technology…

Technology connects even in isolation

Technology connects a scared wife with nurses and doctors

Technology supports and stabilizes life

… while tests are run

… until questions are answered

And once the verdict comes...

Technology and human heroes work together

… to bend the rules

… to ease the final moments

To break the isolation and reconnect the connections

To reunite husband and wife for brief farewells

Meanwhile extended family gathers online

A virtual vigil

Standing with the grieving wife-become-widow

So she isn’t completely alone while isolated

Standing with, but not near

Is this our new normal?

Will our gathering be always at a distance?

Maybe not a writer that day

(Written on December 12, 2010)

Tis a lovely day in the neighborhood. 

There's nothing quite like the view outside my window. 

Amazing.

Inspiring.




I sit here in awe, wishing to describe the beauty, but the words won't come together adequately.  

Maybe I'm not a writer this morning. 

Maybe it's a day for rest. 

A day for wonder.

For peace.

A day to breathe deeply.

Maybe I'll just sit and bask in the beauty. 
Ahh...

Amazing Day #28: connections

'Twas another amazing day at the cafe.

I had been working and writing while enjoying the pleasant ambiance.

A newcomer landed at the table next to me.  We exchanged glances and niceties and each went back to work but later chatted again from time to time.  Turned out we had at least one thing in common - our interest in writing. That's always fun to meet another writer - or a wannabe writer.  

...

And then...

I was cleaning out my e-mail inbox and a new message popped up from Meetups - about a writers' group starting up nearby.  The description sounded like it would be right down my alley - a place where I could belong.  That's no small thing because there are all kinds of writing groups - with different purposes and different formats and different genres - most of them focusing on fiction writing which is not me. I've tried out a couple groups with varying degrees of satisfaction.  So it was a little amazing to learn of one that seemed like such a good fit.  AND the first meeting is happening next week within a mile of my house! Now that is really amazing - because most of the groups I've been finding are in another city - near or far.  But this one is RIGHT here!  I've been searching for a writing group with those two criteria: close to home and with a format that feels right for me.  

Also I was able to forward the information on to my new friend who had just left the cafe minutes earlier - and she joined the group as well.

...

And then... in walked my friend and neighbor that I hadn't seen for awhile.  So wonderful to reconnect and catch up a bit.  

Sometimes I remember our days on the road and how lonely it could get.  Maybe lonely isn't the right word.  Maybe unconnected says it better.  'Twas a good experience in so many ways, but I really missed a sense of community.  Therefore on days like this one, I am extremely grateful for the connections in my life.  Every now and then I hear myself exclaim: I love my life!!!  This might have been one of those times - and amazing connections are certainly one of the big reasons.

...

Yep, yep.  Just another amazing day at the cafe.

I LOVE this place!

Amazing Day #3: Opportunity overload

I have the tendency to get too busy.  

Now THERE's an understatement.

Busyness was often my default setting - perhaps because I somehow thought that my busyness was an indication of my importance.  If I was so busy, I must be important; right?  Actually the real reason might be as simple as the fact that I am not very good at saying no.  I don’t like to miss out on anything so I want to try everything.  A buffet table is a dangerous place for me.  

Once upon a time I began to learn how to not be so over-committed - and discovered that I really loved having a simpler and less stressful life and schedule. 

But…

Now I suddenly find myself too busy again.  

Today is a case in point.  

There are THREE things that we want to attend tonight.  A triple-header.  The first is a regular weekly commitment that is important to us.  The second is a less regular one, but still holds the potential to be important in terms of neighborhood life here and we really feel a pull to attend that one as well.  The third is not as high of a priority, but still a cause that we want to support.

It wasn’t too hard to cross the third option off the list, but the decision between the first two has become almost agonizing. Which should we do?  Can we go to one for the first part and then leave early to get to the last part of the other event?  Or shall we split up and one of us go in each direction?  

...

So what is so amazing about this dilemma?

Well, let me tell you how it hits me.

I remember a couple years ago when we were living on the road and I was feeling a little lonely at times.  I struggled to find a sense of community.  To find friends and maybe to serve together for something important - because serving together is a great way to build community.  When it came right down to it, this lack of community is what nudged us to come off the road and settle down.

And here we are!  THREE chances for community all on the same night.  Three specific diverse opportunities to get to know people.  

Yes, we now live in a place where the opportunities for community abound.

A place where it has been relatively painless to build some awesome friendships.

That happens to feel pretty amazing to me.

I kinda’ love it.

...

Read the rest of the 31 Amazing Days Challenge posts here.

Home ownership: one month in

Hard to believe that it has been a month already since we got the keys for the house. 

The much-anticipated keys signify so much - most notably home ownership as well as entry into a new community.

Home ownership. 

Again.

When we decided to sell the tree farm we assumed that we might one day again own property somewhere, but we also learned to appreciate the freedom from being tied down so we were unsure when that day might come.  

I guess it kinda’ snuck up on us.  There we were pretty content in the middle of a one-year lease on a little apartment and all of a sudden we were looking at old houses.  

We had both commented that we might be happy to stay in the apartment indefinitely, but once we began the house-hunting process, we both realized how ready we were to move on!

Hubby had enjoyed the reprieve from the responsibilities of being a land owner. He kinda’ loved not having to shovel snow or cut firewood.  He had especially reveled in not being a landlord and being the one that got the call in the middle of the night for some needed repair.  But now after a few years of that freedom, he was beginning to feel ready for a new project so he found himself looking for a fixer-upper.

I was content with many aspects of apartment life. I had taken advantage of so many things that I discovered about life in a small town and I had done everything I could think of to try to fit in there.  But I had to admit that I had not found a sense of connection or community there for all my efforts.  It was only after we began to meet people in Flint that I began to find my niche - and once we bought this house the connection has increased almost exponentially.

In fact, that has been one of the biggest and happiest surprises for me - the sense of community and connection.  And it began to happen so quickly.  The first week we were here we noticed that we had already connected with more people here than in the entire past year at the apartment complex. Our hearts are warmed by all the gestures of welcome that come our way.

All things new

A new day
A new week

A new month

A new place

A new house

A new city

A new street
A new neighborhood

A new community

New neighbors

New connections

New friends

New flowers

New walking options

New changes

New challenges

New wonderings

New projects

New opportunities

A new world 

A new life

A whole new adventure

Buying a house?!?

Big news!

We are buying a house.

That's right.  After coming off the road a year ago, we've decided we like it.

I wrote recently about our one-year lease on a small apartment.

I described how that one year has been so right in so many ways.

It has been a time to get through the rest of those bins and boxes that got moved out of the big house five years ago and hadn’t been dealt with yet.  That is MAJOR accomplishment!

It has been a chance to try a winter back in Michigan and figure out that there is much about it that we like or at least can cope with. 

It has been a time to explore our new little town and to look for places where we could get involved. I have worked hard to make connections here but none of them have really been a good fit for either of us.

This year has also been a chance to explore the Flint area - AND to get acquainted with International students - which has been a long-term dream for us. We volunteer once a week helping students with conversational English. Through that connection, we have realized that that is where we belong. And that is where we long to live - near the university so that we can hang out with students on a more regular basis and so that we can serve them in other ways as well.

So, as the end of our one-year lease approached, we began looking at houses - and we found one!  It is smack dab between two universities.  In fact, it is within walking distance of U of M Flint as well as the old downtown area.  AND the farmers’ market.  I’m not even sure which we are most excited about - because there are so many things we love about the area.

Are there concerns about living in Flint, Michigan?  

Of course, there are.

Flint is often in the national news because of the lead in the water.

And yes, there are safety issues in any city.

But there are concerns about living anywhere. 

In any town or city.   

And even about living out in the country.

On the other hand, there is much to love about living in the city and I’m just beginning to explore them.  In fact, my list is growing by the day.  I’m guessing the things on that list will become topics for lots of blog posts in the coming weeks.

So this country girl is ready to try living in the city.

Stay tuned for the next adventures!

...

Two late notes:

First, we won't be making the move for about a month.
Secondly, you can read Bob's perspective on his travel blog.

Good friend

Dear friend,

I don’t think that I’ve ever called you my best friend.

I guess somehow that would have seemed presumptuous.

Oh, you were a good friend and I've always liked you a lot, but our journeys converged for only a brief time.  I learned so much from you during those few short years we were in close proximity. I wish I had taken better notes.

When distance again separated us, I realized a bit more about what a treasure you are. I made conscious choices to reconnect from time to time - maybe even to the point of intruding on your schedule.  Oops.  But you were always gracious and welcoming.

And then there was the most recent reconnect - the one that neither one of us would have chosen.  Well, at least we wouldn't have chosen the reason. That big new thing we had in common that once again brought us together.  The dreaded disease and everything involved. The testing and the treatment. The waiting and the wondering. The fears and the feelings. The seriousness and the sadness.  

I began the cancer journey sooner than you but you passed me up - not only in the physical and medical complexities and milestones, but also in your ability to find life lessons in the midst of difficulty. And to be so grace-filled. And so positive. 

I cherished this opportunity for closer connection again even though it came through an unpleasant reason. I was smart enough to take advantage of opportunities for conversation but I wanted to be careful not to steal too many spoonfuls of your time and energy.  Yes, there was more I could have gleaned from you, but so many others in closer circles needed you even more.  And so I continued to cherish what I could gain whether in your short notes as you had the strength or in reading the updates from you and your family. 

...

As I look back over the different phases of our connection, I celebrate you and the things i've learned from you. 

During our shared months of pregnancy and young motherhood, I learned about patience and serenity from your example. Oh, my. Not sure I’ve ever known anyone who displayed such calm. How wonderful for me to be around that attitude when I was just beginning my parenting journey!

During the middle years of our long-distance friendship, I still gleaned valuable lessons - about priorities and planning ahead, about hospitality and serving, and about treating people with respect and dignity.

During these most recent years of our cancer journeys, I continue to learn.  You've always been an example to me but I have more recently realized what a valuable role model and mentor you have become for me through the years even at a distance.

I still have much to learn…

About being courageous

About taking responsibility

About loving people

About serving others

About being a friend

About standing for right but doing it with grace 

About finding the positive side of tough stuff that comes my way

About making the most of my moments

About letting peace rule my heart

About seeking wisdom

About compassion

I am sad that I can longer ask your advice.

I have already been missing you.

...

Good friends, best friends...

Such interesting terms.

As I said before I do not presume to claim best friend status with you but... 

You are definitely one of the BEST people I’ve ever known. 

And you have been my friend.

A good one.

The best.

And for that I am so very grateful.

Thank you.

Global culture - and rice and curry

Rice and curry - Yum!

Takes me back to my childhood when a family from India visited our little town. The wife offered to cook an Indian meal for us so my mom took her to the store to TRY to find the necessary ingredients. And so I had my first taste of rice and curry. 

...

Fast forward a few years to when I was introduced to my husband’s aunt and her version of African rice and curry. She had lived in Africa for 40 years and her recipe quickly became a favorite of mine. She often made rice and curry for big family dinners - much to my delight!

Fast forward again to the present time...  




Rice and curry - Indian style again.

Diwali Night in the Grand Ballroom at UM-Flint

We were treated to a cultural extravaganza of song and dance and beautiful Indian fashion - AND rice and curry. 

What a fun evening!  How cool to hang out with such beautiful people.

Pretty much all my life I’ve been drawn to people from other cultures and particularly International students. I have such fond memories from my childhood of students from Africa that my aunt and uncle used to bring to family gatherings. Oh, the exciting stories.

Through the years my wish to hang out with people from other countries has intensified. I am convinced that exposure to other cultures is one of the coolest things that can happen to a person - of any age. 

The memories of those guys from Africa who came to our family gatherings with my cousins have stuck with me to this day. Because of those encounters we chose to be intentional about finding ways to welcome Internationals into our family as well. Oh, how fun it is to have friends on six continents!

...

And NOW…

One of the things that attracted us to our current location was the proximity to the universities in Flint where lots of Internationals study. Getting to know some of them has been one of our top goals. And that is how we ended up at Diwali Night.  What a privilege to enjoy this celebration of one of their biggest cultural events, the Festival of Light.

I am thrilled to have made this connection with International students - first when they gave us henna tattoos at the Flint Farmers’ Market and now at Diwali Night. 

This event also provided connections with students from other countries as well - so I'm hopeful that this is just the beginning.  In fact, I just learned that there might be a chance to include some new friends in our Thanksgiving plans again.  Wouldn't that be fun?  Sorta' like old times! 

...

I guess I had some pretty good insight when I was a kid.  I thought it was just about the coolest thing ever to know somebody from another country.

Sure enough. 

Now I know it is.

I also know what a privilege it is. And I am grateful.

Where's the magic? I wonder

I’ve been wondering about something.

And I’ve been noticing some things.

I’ve noticed that sometimes we get all passionate and loud about things at election time. We vehemently proclaim that this one particular thing is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing.  That nothing else matters as much as this particular thing.

We get so passionate about THAT THING that we will go against our own better judgment on other very important things.

I think I get that - although it seems to me to be an unfortunate way to live.

I wonder if we are missing something.

I wonder if we are being unwise and untrue to our own conviction when we use this "all or nothing" approach.  When we put all of our hope and faith in one person or one party.

...

Yep, I wonder about things.

That's a big part of what this blog is about.

You are welcome to listen in to some of my wonderings, but I should probably warn you that this one might get a little long.  Because yah, I seem to be wondering about complicated things lately. Things that don't have simple solutions.

I wonder for example about those of us who are pro-life. We celebrate the sanctity of human life and we might say that this is THE most important issue - so important that we even consider putting someone in office that otherwise we really do NOT want. Someone that we would be ashamed to tell our grandkids we voted for.

I wonder about other examples - like Black Lives Matter. I could wonder if this is THE MOST IMPORTANT issue - and can understand that it IS for many people. I can even understand how someone could be so passionate about this that they can barely think about anything else.

Or maybe my issue is the refugee dilemma.  Maybe we believe that welcoming refugees needs to be a top priority. Maybe we believe that it is foundational to who America is. Or maybe we believe that we have a Biblical mandate to welcome the alien and refugee.

...

I get it. 

I get that we can become pretty passionate about the issues that we think are the most important ones.  And I think that’s a good thing.

But the thing I wonder about is how we can get so passionate and so loud about our most important issue at one time of the year - and yet at other times of the year we don’t seem to be doing anything about that issue.  

Do we think that the ballot box is magic? 

Do we think it is the only place to connect with that “thing” - and to pour out our passion? 

Are we maybe even a little bit happy to “forget” about that passion and tension the rest of the year?

But then there’s something else I wonder about.  

What about the fact that we sometimes collectively elect “the right person” that is supposed to fix this thing - but then it doesn’t get fixed? What happened to the magic?

By the way, I’m preaching to myself here.  I’ve been around this election cycle a few times. Well, and I’ve lived similar cycles in my own life. My own personal priorities. I can generate passion and lots of noise and determination for a season - only to realize months later that I’ve lost the passion or have forgotten to follow-through - or at least that the magic didn’t happen.  

...

Maybe I mostly wonder if there is anything that we can do about it all.

Are there other ways to “fix the problem” beyond that one moment? 

Other avenues besides (and alongside) the voting booth?

...

Okay; let's take these examples one at a time...

I remember a long, long time ago when I was a loud pro-lifer and was confronted by a couple different people who quietly challenged me and the harshness of my words. That was probably when I began to wonder if there were other ways to make a difference.  Maybe even better ways.

Back in those days, our wonderings led us to challenge ourselves. To do some research. To take some risks. To fill our house with kids who needed a family.  

But now at this moment I wonder again. I wonder what else I can do to value the sanctity of human life. I’m not up to taking in any more foster kids, but maybe I can find ways to reach out to the single moms in our building.  I can offer words of encouragement to the frazzled mom with a bunch of kids in Walmart rather than express my silent impatience with her or them.

What about you? If you consider yourself pro-life, what can you do besides that one moment in the voting booth?  Because here’s the thing.  If we find a whole bunch of other things (or even one or two!) that we can do to protect human life…  AND if we actually DO them… Well, do you know what? We can do those “other” things NO MATTER who gets elected. And maybe... Probably... that's where the magic comes.

…

Or what about my other examples?

Maybe we passionately believe that black lives matter.  

I wonder what we can do about that.

I DO believe that black lives matter and my heart is crushed about the fear and the agony and pain facing black mommas across the country. Well, and not just black mommas, but also white mommas with black sons.  I am saddened about the hopelessness that so many black teenagers face and I wish that I could make things better.  I know that so many things don’t work, and I can’t help but wonder what WILL work. 

More specifically, I wish I knew something that I can do personally. After living in white farm country all my life, I now live where I actually see black faces in my neighborhood and at the store, but still I wonder.  I often feel clueless.  As I’m out for my walk, I watch for opportunities to bump into my neighbors and wish I could find ways to reach out to them. Sometimes I “rehearse” kind things that maybe I can say. Yah, maybe I’m silly, and I sure feel like I'm not doing much, but I want to make a difference. To affirm value.

What about you?

Do you live in circumstances where you can make a difference for black lives? 

Have you found ways to reach out and lift someone from discouragement or fear?

Maybe we can teach each other. 

I wonder.

…

And what about those refugees?

When we see the bruised and bloody faces on TV, it can be so overwhelming.

What in the world can we do?

How can we help?

When I feel like I can’t make a dent in this horrific mess, I sometimes have to remind myself that maybe I can make a difference to one. And maybe to another. 

Maybe I can speak a kind word to the girl wearing the beautiful hijab at the Farmers’ Market.

Maybe I can offer a chair or a smile.

When I read about ex-pat families who are driven out of their homes because of the relentless bullying and even violence, I wonder what in the world I can do. 

And so I continue to think and ponder and wonder.

I can watch for faces and listen for accents that are different than mine and try to offer human kindness.

I remember what it feels like to be the ex-pat.

That feeling of being a spectacle. All. The. Time.

An outsider.

May I never forget.

I want to do what I can to welcome those in exile.

But I make mistakes.

Goofs. Big ones

Faux pas

But hopefully I do more to make people feel welcome and affirmed and valued than I do to make them feel like outsiders.  Hopefully.

Certainly one moment in a voting booth is not going to be magic.

Maybe the only way to make the magic happen is to do it in real time.

In real life.

Maybe we can find one REAL thing we can actually DO to make a difference in the area that we think is so important. 

To make the world a better place for one of these human lives that we are passionate about.

To be a real-life super-hero...

…

Remember that I’m mostly talking to myself here.

Wondering. Pondering.
But maybe you wonder, too.
Maybe you can help me think of things that I/we can actually do.

When I hear myself saying that I am passionate about “this” or "that"…

When I notice myself getting worked up about whether my candidate will win…

When I begin to tune out heart-breaking news stories because I feel overwhelmed…

I wonder…

I wonder what I can do. Besides the voting booth.

I wonder who I can help.

I wonder how I can at least promote civil discussion.

I wonder if I can be a catalyst to find common ground so that we can work together.

We might say it is the least we can do, but I wonder if maybe it is the best thing.

The best place to start.

Because I probably can’t do much by myself.

Maybe you feel like you can’t make a difference.

But what if we keep talking and listening?

What if we work together?

Maybe that’s where the magic is.

I wonder…