Moments

Living here has really been rather amazing. I can sit here at my kitchen table and look out over Mobile Bay to the north. I can also go to the south side of the campground and walk the beach along the Gulf of Mexico - which I do pretty much every morning. At this time of year both sunrise and sunset can be viewed from our beach. Wow. Just wow. What a wonder. I have rather gotten used to it - accustomed to the view and to the privilege and to my routine - but I'm very glad that the familiarity has not stolen my sense of wonder.

...

This is our last day. One month we have been here.

I have been only somewhat successful in capturing the experience, but I have indeed experienced it. I have enjoyed the NOW - even as I had hoped. I have lived in the moment. Not every moment, of course. I've wasted moments, but oh, I've savored moments, too. I've celebrated moments.

Some of those moments were small ones - just a little something special here and here. Or maybe not even so special, but maybe just interesting. Intriguing. A tidbit. A moment of noticing something. Of learning. Of discovery.

But oh, there were big moments, too. Grand moments. Transcendent. Moments that spanned several minutes. Moments that moved me to tears. Moments when my face hurt from so much smiling. Perfect moments and not-so-perfect ones. Moments that I simply had to write about. Moments that I simply could not write about. Moments that I dare not lose by trying to capture them.

 

ADD syndrome

I guess I have ADD syndrome.

I'm not talking about A.D.D. or A.D.H.D.
I simply mean ADD. I always want to ADD things to my life.

ADD more sea shells to my collection because they're so lovely.

ADD more kitchen utensils to make life more convenient.

ADD more clothes to my wardrobe because I get tired of the same old ones.

ADD more colorful beads to my brand-new Mardi Gras collection because they are so fun.

ADD more supplies in case we need them.

ADD more notepads that I can write in.

ADD more books on my to-read pile.

ADD more e-mail newsletters to my subscription list.

ADD more events to my calendar because they sound like fun.

ADD more commitments to my schedule because I've always been interested in this.

ADD more jobs to my to-do list.

~   ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

Slowly but surely I'm learning that I have to remove some of the old things in order to make room for the new. Living in a small space reminds me of that necessity.

But this list includes both physical things and also time commitments - which still trip me up.

I remember the day when I told hubby about something that I was going to add to my calendar. Some time commitment that seemed really important to me. He asked me what I was going to remove from my already busy schedule. I said I wasn't planning to remove anything. I thought I could fit it in.

All these years later I still tend to make that faulty assumption at times. I still find myself thinking that surely I can rearrange my day and my week to ADD this one extra thing. Ack!!!

Here's the deal: Something will get removed or it will get neglected or it will be done poorly. If I don't consciously choose something to set aside, it will still happen. Unfortunately, the thing that gets neglected or ignored might be something important.

I thought I had learned that lesson years ago. So why am I still trying to ADD things to my life without figuring out what to remove first?

I guess the syndrome maybe stays in your system and you just need to learn how to control it.


 
 

That which cannot be earned

In a recent post, I asked the question "How in the world did we get here?" - which may not really be a question. At least I don't know that I was expecting to find an answer. I don't know that there is an answer - or maybe there are several. Maybe instead of being a question to answer, maybe it is simply a question to ponder. Cause to wonder. Perhaps cause FOR wonder.

It may be fun to speculate a bit, but with a touch of wariness. There are tons of crazy beliefs and philosophies out there about how or why we get blessed, about whether someone "deserves" to be privileged, etc. but most of them are pretty wacky and are probably best taken with a grain of salt. While there may be certain factors at play as to why some people are privileged, there are a couple things that stand out to me.

I tend to believe that certain things are simply beyond our control. That there is nothing we can do to earn our blessings. That so many of the things we enjoy are simply gifts. Gifts of grace. I don't believe that I deserve to be this fortunate nor do I believe that millions deserve to be born into poverty.

There was no way that I could have earned the right to be one of the cancer survivors nor do I deserve the other blessings I have been given. Therefore I have no reason for bragging nor for entitlement.

So when we shake our heads and wonder "How in the world did we get here?" I guess we're not really asking a question. I think we are mostly marveling at it all. Just shaking our heads in wonder and amazement. And appreciation and gratitude.

...

     Continue with the next post...
          ... or see the entire series here.
 

How in the world...?

How did we get from there to here? Sometimes I just shake my head in amazement at the huge changes in our lives in the last few years. What a journey it has been. What an adventure.

Some of the changes are obvious and have been rather dramatic. We have let go of the Christmas tree farm and the house we built and lived in for four decades. The home where we raised our kids and a whole bunch of other kids, too. Somehow we have walked away from that safe, secure, comfortable life and find ourselves out here on the road on a wild and crazy adventure.

Some of the changes have been more subtle or less visible or something, but have still been huge and dramatic in their own way. After six decades of being entrenched in church ministry, we have been catapulted from inside the walls of the institution and have landed somewhere outside of organized religion. What a journey that has been - leaving a life of over-commitment where my identity was wrapped up in my leadership role and now finding the courage to discover who I am as a person. To be willing to ask honest questions and begin to figure out which things really matter (like what did Jesus really say?) and to let go of the man-made stuff of religion. To get free from the legalistic striving for God's approval and the accompanying fear and condemnation and to finally begin to understand grace. ... Oh, what a wonderful thing. So amazing. To be set free. To be healed and restored.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

How in the world did we get here? Here we are - out here on the road living the dream. We are portable. We are free to go where we wish. We get to see new places and do some exciting stuff. We get to walk on the beach every day instead of on icy roads. We get to meet people from all over the world. We get to taste different foods. I get to live my dream of being a writer - except for making an income from it. And I get to do all of this with my best friend and favorite person in the world. And we are healthy and happy. What a boatload of blessings! How in the world did we get here?

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~ 

At the same time I am painfully aware of friends and loved ones who don't have it so good. There have been too many moments when we were celebrating a momentous occasion even while dear friends were dealing with pain and fear and heartache. That's just life. There will always be good news and bad news intermingled in our lives and the lives of those around us.

It's tricky to celebrate your own good news in the presence of so much bad news going on. It can feel weird being one of the lucky ones when those around us are not so lucky. After dealing with my own cancer diagnosis and treatment and then recurrence and more treatment, I came through as one of the survivors - acutely aware that not everyone does. Friends were on a similar calendar to ours. We (their son and I) were diagnosed with cancer about the same time. We went through chemo during the same months. We were both bald that summer. But then I survived and he didn't - so it was weird to see his parents. I didn't know what to say to them. How to act. It felt like my presence could seem like a slap in the face - that here I was, but he was gone.

Similar feelings surface when we head out on an adventure at the very moment that someone else is dealing with sickness or death or heartache. We know that they don't want us to hide our excitement or our plans from them, but at the same time we don't want to flaunt our good fortune in the midst of their grief and pain.

In our spiritual journey as well, when we speak about how grateful we are for the circumstances that set us free and when we rejoice about grace and about being able to live without fear of condemnation, we are aware of those who have been deeply wounded or are still stuck inside the legalistic system. I certainly don't want to make anyone feel worse about their own bondage - except as it might help them encounter grace.

 So I want to be careful. To be considerate and compassionate. To be sensitive to the pain of others. At the same time, there is much to celebrate in our lives and I know that it doesn't do anybody any good for us to refuse to enjoy our blessings.

And so we do enjoy the good things that have come our way. And we do celebrate. And we do talk about them and write about them rather than trying to hide them or keep them to ourselves.

But still we shake our heads and wonder...

How in the world did we get here?

Why do we get to be among the lucky ones?

Why have we been given good news while others receive bad news?

 

...
 
    Continue with the next post... 
           ...or see the entire series here.  

 

Bad news or good news?

There's bad news and there's good news; which do you want first?

We can easily find an abundance of bad news - which may elicit responses of sadness or anger or fear of impending doom. Some people might try to find something positive in the bad news they hear, while other people seem to revel in finding bad news and redistributing it to everyone who will listen.


There is also good news to be found - if we look hard enough. Recently some of the networks have been deliberately doing "good news" features on their nightly news broadcasts - stories of good will to balance out the negative ones. I appreciate that.

By the way, I am referring to "news" in both a specific and a general sense - both the national and world news on TV or the internet as well as the tidbits of news we encounter throughout the day - like hearing about the latest cancer diagnosis or neighborhood tragedy.

At times it can seem like there is more bad news than good news - and I suppose that might be true - but I think it also has much to do with perspective.

Perspective is a funny thing. Perspective can be influenced by several factors. Factors like temperament, values, and the source of the news. There are probably several others as well but in my attempt to simplify this process for myself, I'm looking at these three.

Temperament
Do I tend to be generally optimistic or more of a downer?

We naturally tend to lean one way or another on the optimist/pessimist range - and perhaps we can't change that natural tendency. But maybe, just maybe, we can tweak it a bit by training ourselves to look at the opposite perspective or at least a different one. Now I happen to like good news better than bad news. I feel happier, safer and more secure when I can hear the news with some kind of positive spin - so I tend to choose to try to see the rose among the thorns. Yes, I might be a Pollyanna, but I'd rather be her than Debbie Downer - which could quite naturally become a default role for me.

Values
Where do I stand on issues?
What things really matter to me?
What are the things I value most highly?

Obviously, things that seem like bad news to me may sound like good news to someone who values different things than I do. And conversely, the things that I hail as good news may sound scary to you if you have landed on the opposite side of an issue. So it makes sense that different people will have differing viewpoints of any given news item. Conservatives may rejoice while liberals mourn the decision of the day - and vice-versa.

In the political realm, I was always a bit confused when my conservative friends would try to make an election strictly about values - and maybe about only one specific value. Be a values voter, they would say. That seemed strange to me because... Well, isn't everyone a values voter? Don't we all vote our values? Don't liberals also vote for people who they think will work for the things they value - like basic human rights, like caring for the poor and for the planet and the environment?

Source 
Where do I get my news?

As I already mentioned, yes, I am referring to which news program I watch every night, but also to the people who I allow to speak into my life about the latest development - whether global or local.

Given the choice, most of us will tune our TV or computer to the channel that aligns with our own values. We want to get our news from someone we can trust - which can't help but include being someone who agrees with me/us. Someone we consider to be telling the truth - because none of us wants to be misinformed.

...

Philip Yancey, one of my favorite authors, spoke of this topic as he looked back over the past year. Obviously there was much bad news in 2014 and he mentioned many of the items: Ebola, missing planes, racial tension, and violence on so many fronts.

But he also included a list of good news from the year - and I appreciate this perspective and the balance he offers by presenting this list.

• Abortions in the US are at their lowest rate since 1976.
• Violent crime has hit a 20-year low, with overall crime falling for fifteen straight years.
• Globally, absolute poverty (what’s necessary to afford minimal standards of food, clothing, health care and shelter) has reached the lowest level in recorded history.
• Deaths from wars in this century are fewer than at any comparable period in the twentieth century.
• Life expectancy continues to rise, reaching 78 in the US and 71 worldwide (up from 59 in 1970).
• Child mortality rates have dropped dramatically in the last forty years while education and literacy rates have soared. 

As for me, certainly I prefer getting my news from someone I can trust, someone who shares my values, but I also want to stretch myself a bit by hearing from those with a different perspective. I just might be able to learn more from someone on the opposite side of the table than from those nearest me.

But I also remind myself of the temperament and personality factors. If I am going to be alert to my own inner battle between optimism and pessimism... If I am going to work hard at having a fair and balanced perspective in my reaction to other people's news... Well, then I also might want to judge my source on the basis of their temperament and personality as well.

Whether referring to my choice of nightly news anchor or my favorite blogger or the sweet old neighbor lady who knows and shares the latest gossip - whoever might be the "source" I listen to for news, maybe I need to consider her record. Is she consistently correct? Is he always angry about something? Does he tend to rant about things? Is she always wringing her hands with worry? Does this source offer an abundance of bad news or do they provide some balance? Do they present a reasonable approach to what is happening?

When someone is always ranting about the awful news in the world, I will likely take their opinion with a grain of salt. If someone can see only one side of an issue with no acknowledgment that there may be other valid opinions, I'm likely to be wary.


~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~   

How about you?

There is good news and there is bad news.

Which do you want first?

Or perhaps more aptly, how will you find a balanced and wise perspective?

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~   


...and now I begin to think of an alternate title: Is it bad news or good news?

That's actually what I feel like asking sometimes when someone breathlessly tells me some juicy morsel and I can't tell if they think it is terrible or wonderful. Or maybe it's obvious which label they would use but it doesn't seem quite so obvious to me.

Then again it might actually be a good question to ask myself about any given tidbit of news. Like maybe if instead of immediately judging the information by my own particular prejudices and preparing my personal rant, if maybe I would pause to think about those to whom this is good news or to whom this is bad news, I might be a bit more compassionate.

Maybe.

Maybe it's not always easy to tell if something is good news or bad news.

Courage and fear

 

“Courage is not the absence of fear,

but rather the assessment

that something else is more important

than fear.”

   

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

The campsite with the leaning tower

This place. Nice place. The campground, the campsite.
The campground seems like a good place. Relatively quiet and peaceful, but with friendly activity and nice people - lots of them from Michigan but also from a wide variety of states - as well as Ontario, Canada - many of whom have been coming here for 20 years or more.

The campsite itself is interesting - small and constricted. It is nearly impossible to park a rig on it - what with the ground being all uneven and filled with huge tree roots - not to mention the cement slab right in the middle of the site. Talk about an obstacle course - without any good place to go. One of those obstacles is the greatly leaning utility pole complete with square canopy-type roof extending on all sides. Our immediate interest in that pole was to keep an appropriate distance between it and the upper corners of the RV and to calculate the space needed to extend the slider. A more subtle concern involved wondering if that leaning pole was in fact safe or if it would keep leaning farther and land somewhere on top of our abode. I was assured that this is not hurricane season and it seems solid so it should be safe. These calculations and wonderings and decisions were all negotiated in the dark, by the way.

We quickly realized the campsite is unique in another way - besides being the teeniest site in the whole place. It also is on the main corner of the campground just inside the entrance and nearest to the office. Basically all roads lead through this corner and past this site - from every possible direction in the campground - probably a mixed blessing.

I like the site okay, but it is fun to wonder if we might want to try a different site on any subsequent return visits. It could be nice to be back in the woods with more space and privacy and closer to the path to the beach. On the other hand, it also could be fun to be out front right along the road with an even better view of the boat traffic across the street. From our little site we can see some of the marine activity, but also have a bit of wind protection from that front row of campers.

For this year, for this month, this teeny little lot serves our purpose quite nicely. I can see enough of the boat traffic to be fascinated by it all. I love being able to see and hear the car ferry, the Marissa Mae Nicole, as she comes and goes across the mouth of Mobile Bay every ninety minutes. Then there are the tenders, Ms. Joy and Gulf Glory, that service the dozens of drilling platforms out there in the Gulf. These powerful boats come and go at all hours of the day and night to the Exxon-Mobil supply depot right there beyond the fence. Crew members load and unload supplies as well as duffel bags to and from their vehicles parked out front.

'Tis a good spot to live and write and to explore walking lanes in all directions - whether to the aquarium or the fort or the beach. It's not hard to be content in such a fascinating place.

...

And then came the scary night. The forecast called for a hard freeze and the wind became ferocious. RVers compared notes and did everything we knew to do to protect our plumbing and our rigs from damage. At our little lot we were grateful for the almost unbroken line of rigs out there along the fence offering a bit of protection from the mighty winds sweeping down the bay and raging ashore. Still our little abode shook violently in the gale - until we chose to retract the slider which seemed to help considerably.

But what about that leaning tower? That utility pole that was already leaning toward our rig? Would this violent wind bring it crashing down on us? Further inspection was done and I was once again assured that it looked stable.

Sure enough, our leaning tower withstood the gale and the electricity kept working. AND the trickle of water kept flowing through the freezing night. All is well at this little campsite and we are grateful.

Too much stuff - for a small space

"Oh, dear; I brought too much stuff."

Now there is nothing new about that statement; pretty much every time I go somewhere I do take too much stuff.

However...

There is nothing quite like living in a small space to make it obvious that you have too much stuff. Most of my life there has been lots of "bonus" space to stash extra stuff. Probably most Americans have that privilege; we can haul Christmas decor to the attic, stash seasonal clothing in a guest room closet, maybe store picnic and camping supplies in the basement or the garage and cram the excess food into the pantry.

In my former life, closets were relatively big and drawers were numerous. I even had a whole room designated for storage!!!

But it's different in an RV. Space is limited - with barely enough room for the essentials, let alone anything extra. There are few drawers and the closets are teeny tiny. There is no such thing as a coat closet in the entry or an unused closet in a guest room - because there is no guest room!

We do have a pantry in our rig (at least we call it that) but it's considerably smaller than the walk-in one we had under the stairs at the big house. There is no desk and there is no office - so our table doubles as our desk and my briefcase is our portable office.

...

Because there is such limited space, it becomes super-important to keep our possessions pared down to a bare minimum. Whenever we consider bringing something with us - or buying something new, we have to find a place for it. We might even measure to make sure it fits and we know that certainly it will displace something else that was already assigned to that spot. Therefore whenever we consider anything bigger than a loaf of bread, we have to weigh all the pros and cons (and ounces and pounds!) to decide if it is worth the space it will require. But somehow it's the little things (the ones smaller than a bread box) that sneak into the bags and boxes to be loaded into the rig - without having gone through that rigorous auditioning process.

Amazingly we did pretty well last year - for being our first time. Maybe beginner's luck. Maybe the hand of providence. Unfortunately I'm afraid I didn't do as well this year. I ask myself how this happened and why I brought too much stuff. Here's what I think contributed to the problem. First of all, we ran out of time because we were moving out of the cabin and getting all of our stuff from the extra sheds into our storage unit - and then we lost a week to sickness. Not taking the time to make deliberate decisions leads to sloppy packing. In the early days of the fall when I had the luxury of time, I had started the loading process and making sure the rig was stocked - with dishes and pans and utensils and all of that good stuff. But then as we were pushing to empty out the basement and the sheds, then more stuff got loaded into the righ - including "another one" of this - without us realizing that it wasn't needed - or remembering that we already had one.

Oh, well, an extra towel can't hurt, right? You can't have too many wooden spoons, right? Wrong. Only a certain number of bath towels fit on that small shelf in the closet - like two or three. Only a couple wooden spoons fit in the silverware drawer alongside those other necessary utensils.

Now don't get me wrong. This rolling home of our is amazing with all of its little nooks and crannies hidden away in every conceivable spot. The lay-out is awesome and I have to say that the designers of these rigs are to be commended. The medicine cabinet is the best one I've ever seen and yes, we take full advantage of every inch. That shelf behind the couch is a life-saver as is that one above the kitchen cabinets. And the vertical shelving by the fridge... Well, I wouldn't want to do without that. And the silverware drawer that wraps around the kitchen sink... Well, that funky drawer just makes me giggle.

So this rig is well-designed and perfectly suited for our needs, but not for many extras. Actually on this trip, there is even less storage space because I gave hubby the rights to pretty much the entire cargo hold - for his piano - because this is an important season in his musical life - so that means I don't have places to put bins of extra stuff into storage. *gulp* Consequently I need to run a tight ship which probably means that I should find a thrift store where I can donate some of this extra stuff.

But, in the meantime, I still have a laundry basket full of clothes to put away, but no place to put them. Yet.

...

As I already mentioned, this is not a new dilemma for me. Instead it is an old familiar pattern that tends to reveal itself in new exotic places. In other words it shows up pretty much wherever I live. I am so very glad that I have finally been learning to live with less.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

"A place for everything

and everything in its place."
~  ~  ~  ~  ~

I remember that saying from when I was a kid and am more recently learning how important that is to my sanity and peace of mind - ESPECIALLY when living in a tiny place like this. Neatness and simplicity have such a calming and healing effect on me; therefore it is worth the cost of paring down my stuff still more.

...

Oh, and I just discovered that there will be a garage sale right here on the campground in a couple weeks - so maybe I can make some money on my "extra" stuff!!!