Daylight and darkness

Feeling subdued this morning. Again. Here we are in southern California with sunshine and warmth. And I'm grateful. But...

But... I just have to think of friends and family back home who are dealing with crap. Where all is not sunshine and warmth. Where life is downright awful. Where there are no easy answers. Where there aren't even ANY answers - easy or otherwise. Where each new day has more than its share of pain and really, really hard stuff to deal with.

Sometimes I wish we were there. OFTEN I wish we were there. To help - although I wouldn't know how to help. I don't have the answers. But just to be there. To lend my/our presence. To give hugs or back scratches. To listen. To cry together.

So what do we do with all that? Do we figure out a way to go back? How do we know?

...

Ah, there's a bit of daylight. Just a bit.  Where all was darkness, finally some faint light.

And with that teeny bit of light I can see the outlines of the mountains. Ah, yes, there are mountains surrounding us. Can't forget the mountains. What do we do about the mountains? Do we stay in our little valley and go on with every day life here - or do we shake things up and find a way up and over these particular mountains to locate somewhere else? Somewhere where we may or may not do more good. Where we may serve a different purpose.

We all have mountains. Mountains sometimes give good gifts - like shelter or beauty or inspiration. Mountains also restrict. Mountains can be dangerous and deadly.  Mountains demand much of us. Courage. Energy. Faith. Wisdom. Perspective.  Patience.

...

I guess I don't have to figure it all out right this minute. I can appreciate the daylight that is creeping into my world and be grateful that darkness turns to dawn yet another day. I do and I am. Oh, yes, I do appreciate daylight and I am grateful when darkness gives way to dawn. 
 

Missing the old days - Part One

Sometimes I miss the whole prayer thing. The program, the plan, the ritual. Ten steps to effective prayer. The rules and principles. At those times when I am terrified or wildly hoping for some amazing thing, yah, sometimes, I miss the formulas. The trying harder to muster up enough faith. The human effort thing.

When I'm feeling desperate and impatient, I guess maybe I like having something to do - some direction to channel my nervous energy. When I really, really hope that this thing is to be, but yet am afraid to hope, maybe I wish there was some way that I could tip the balance. Some prayer I could pray, some promise I could claim, some attribute of God that I could call upon to please, please, please do this for me. Some Scriptural principle I could follow. Some Biblical fast I could undertake. Some magic formula. Some guarantee.

But maybe I see things differently now. Instead of frantic petitioning, I sense a more peaceful trusting on my part. A quiet confidence in a loving Father. Perhaps a greater acceptance of the reality that I am not in charge of everything in my world, but I am responsible for my reaction to the things that come. Maybe there is a calmer contentment with what is.

After all, if I believe in a God who created me and knows me... A God who cares about me. A God who is good and kind and compassionate. A God who is all-powerful and all-wise. A God who works all things together for good to them who love Him and are called according to His purpose. If there is a God like that and if I trust Him, well then, maybe I don't have to get all worked up and make frantic demands, "Please, Papa, please!" or "Oh, dear God, what can I DO to get you to do what I want?"

...

Yes, I guess sometimes I miss the old prayer rituals, but mostly in a good way - like I miss being congested. Like after being sick for a week with a nasty head cold, and then waking up one morning feeling better. Like breathing in relief and breathing out gratitude. Like being excited that it feels so good to feel good again!

What if it is not about my performance, about me getting the steps in perfect order? What if it is not about claiming the right verses or saying the right prayers? What if it's not a check-list of rules and regulations and rituals?

What if it is simply a gift? Can I breathe in the quiet realization that I am loved? Exhale. Deep sigh. Grace. Joy. Delight. Gratitude. Trust. Relief. Feeling cherished. Humbled to know that I did not earn this. I could not have earned it - no matter how hard I tried.

Yes, sometimes I miss the old congestion - just before I notice that it feels so good to feel good. To be able to breathe freely.  Ah..........

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...and now for Part Two of "Missing the old days"