Missing the old days - Part One

Sometimes I miss the whole prayer thing. The program, the plan, the ritual. Ten steps to effective prayer. The rules and principles. At those times when I am terrified or wildly hoping for some amazing thing, yah, sometimes, I miss the formulas. The trying harder to muster up enough faith. The human effort thing.

When I'm feeling desperate and impatient, I guess maybe I like having something to do - some direction to channel my nervous energy. When I really, really hope that this thing is to be, but yet am afraid to hope, maybe I wish there was some way that I could tip the balance. Some prayer I could pray, some promise I could claim, some attribute of God that I could call upon to please, please, please do this for me. Some Scriptural principle I could follow. Some Biblical fast I could undertake. Some magic formula. Some guarantee.

But maybe I see things differently now. Instead of frantic petitioning, I sense a more peaceful trusting on my part. A quiet confidence in a loving Father. Perhaps a greater acceptance of the reality that I am not in charge of everything in my world, but I am responsible for my reaction to the things that come. Maybe there is a calmer contentment with what is.

After all, if I believe in a God who created me and knows me... A God who cares about me. A God who is good and kind and compassionate. A God who is all-powerful and all-wise. A God who works all things together for good to them who love Him and are called according to His purpose. If there is a God like that and if I trust Him, well then, maybe I don't have to get all worked up and make frantic demands, "Please, Papa, please!" or "Oh, dear God, what can I DO to get you to do what I want?"

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Yes, I guess sometimes I miss the old prayer rituals, but mostly in a good way - like I miss being congested. Like after being sick for a week with a nasty head cold, and then waking up one morning feeling better. Like breathing in relief and breathing out gratitude. Like being excited that it feels so good to feel good again!

What if it is not about my performance, about me getting the steps in perfect order? What if it is not about claiming the right verses or saying the right prayers? What if it's not a check-list of rules and regulations and rituals?

What if it is simply a gift? Can I breathe in the quiet realization that I am loved? Exhale. Deep sigh. Grace. Joy. Delight. Gratitude. Trust. Relief. Feeling cherished. Humbled to know that I did not earn this. I could not have earned it - no matter how hard I tried.

Yes, sometimes I miss the old congestion - just before I notice that it feels so good to feel good. To be able to breathe freely.  Ah..........

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...and now for Part Two of "Missing the old days"