Track chairs

"Track chairs fundraising goal has been reached."

...

This headline landed in my inbox this morning.  I had noticed earlier that the Michigan DNR was trying to raise funds for these innovative "vehicles."  Today's article includes this update.

"An effort to make outdoor recreation in Michigan more accessible for everyone continues to gain steam!  The DNR recently announced it has reached its funding goal of nearly a half-million dollars to purchase track chairs for a growing number of state parks and trails.

"Track chairs are off-road, electronic chairs that can easily handle trails, snow, sand and even up to 8 inches of water, allowing users to explore areas of the parks that traditional wheelchairs might not reach."

I’m excited that such things have been invented and that people have raised funds to place them in at least 15 locations across Michigan.

But I’m not just excited. I am also feeling thankful - possibly because I’ve had enough episodes of limited mobility in my lifetime to make me grateful that such innovations are available.  

And…  There may be another reason for my gratitude.  I think it has something to do with things that I keep noticing in our world - like a pervasive lack of care and compassion for others - particularly for those with any kind of “handicap” or "difference". My heart hurts when I see those in power treat those beneath them as lower-class citizens.  Such cold-hearted harassment causes me pain - as well as deep fear for our future.  

Of course, it’s not just the arrogant politicians who trigger such sadness and fear. I mean, we the people need not grant them power.  And yet, we do.  Evidently enough people are enamored by the cruel and condescending rhetoric to actually vote them into positions of power. And so I fret about the sad state of affairs - about the little guys and the less-powerful and the underprivileged - and about this feeling that so many people don’t care.

But now this.  Over 300 people in the state of Michigan have raised nearly half a million dollars for this one project - and that blesses my little heart.  I know that there are many, many others who are kind and compassionate and generous.  I'm grateful for a new positive perspective that gives me hope as I celebrate this little tidbit of good news. 

Not wanting to be UNgrateful

Thankful Thursday: 

When I pause to think of something I’m thankful for…

When it’s rainy and drismal…

When those glorious leaves are being stripped from the trees.

When nothing great or exciting is at the forefront of my mind to be giddy about…

Yes, then I pause.

Because I want to cultivate the practice of gratitude.

I choose to notice - and even search if necessary.

Yes, I’m thankful for a cozy house. And for an un-busy schedule so I don’t have to be out and about nor bother with an umbrella or sensible footwear.  I’m thankful to be safe and comfortable in my own house.

But then I think of so many who are not.

And then my heart hurts and my eyes drip.

I wonder why I am so fortunate.

So blessed.

I wonder how I can bless others.

How can I make a difference in a world of violence and oppression and injustice?

It feels weird… petty… insensitive… to regale the things for which I am thankful when those things are unavailable to so many across the globe.  

But then again, to NOT be grateful for my blessings would be so… ungrateful.

Like a spoiled selfish child. 

Such an ingrate.

So I keep reminding myself to notice…

• Blessings
• Flickers of hope
• Ideas for how to help others
• People who make a difference

On the eve of Christmas Eve

It was nineteen years ago today that I got the phone call.

"I'm afraid it is bad news. Yes, it is cancer.”   

Two days before Christmas!

So began an adventure that I would not have asked for.  A journey of more medical appointments, more testing, more poking and prodding, more surgeries, more decisions.  Then came chemotherapy and radiation and the eventual milestones of semi-annual and annual check-ups.  

But then a recurrence... which led to yet another journey of consultations, decisions, surgeries… and finally back to the annual check-up pattern again.  

Memories of bad news, good news, fear, stress, compassion, empathy, hope, and gratitude mingle on such a date as this.  And celebration for 16 years cancer-free.

little tiny window in that teeny tiny place

When I posted this photo as my cover shot back in 2012, there were lots of comments about the lovely view. 

But I see more than the view outside the window.
I see and remember and can almost feel the darkness in that little loft...
The black margin around that cheery picture.
The frame of darkness.

And I see a symbol of some of the process we chose to maintain our mental health.

I can remember that the time in this tiny place definitely had an edge to it.
Yes, there was the edge of excitement and crazy abandon and wild adventure.
But there were also moments that could better be described as the edge of despair.

What's the word?
The being closed off inside this tiny space ...
The vulnerability...
Claustrophobic!
That's it.

As I look at this picture today in December 2020...  not quite solstice, with the darkness still encroaching, it feels painfully familiar.  I can see a bit of light and beauty and life but it is still framed in a lot of darkness.

The place we now sit definitely has an edge to it.

Yes, there is an edge of relief and a bit of hope...

But there are also moments of fear that could be described as the edge of despair.

I made it through those months in that small space.

I focused on the light and beauty and hope rather than the surrounding darkness.

Most days.

I can still make that choice today... to survive this depressing time and place.

I can choose to cling to that bit of hope even while not expecting too much...

You are invited

I’ve been intrigued by a recent phenomenon where friends offer a unique invitation on a special milestone birthday. They choose a favorite cause that they would like to support and invite their friends to join them in donating to that charity.  

I’ve been fascinated with the idea and thought about doing something similar on my next big “round-number year" because there are so many great causes I would love to help.

For example I used to think it would be great to provide clean water for a village in Africa and now I live in a city recovering from a water crisis.  Interesting.

I think of other grand ideas:

• Alleviate world hunger
• Discover a cure for cancer
• Remove the chains of oppression
• Save the planet
• Stamp out child abuse

Grand and noble causes, but how can I really make a difference?

On the other hand there are tons of other noble causes on a smaller scale.

• Words of compassion
• Gestures of kindness
• Gifts of generosity
• Volunteer opportunities galore
• Generally find ways to give more life
• Maybe check on friends and neighbors
• Maybe even write a real letter

You get the idea...  In fact, I bet you have even better ideas than these.

So anyway, here I am.

Yep, this is the year... 

... that next big round number birthday.

This is the week.

So here's what I think I wanna' do... 

I want to invite you to join me in thinking of something you can do for somebody.  

• To make the world a better place
• To promote life and health 
• To offer love instead of hate
• To speak hope rather than fear

I'm not gonna' tell you what it should be, but maybe I'll suggest a category.

Or maybe two.

How about life and love?

Yep, I like those.

Let's find ways to offer life and love.

One more thing...  

If you DO decide to join in on the fun, please leave a comment describing what you chose to do.  Hearing those stories would be such a fun birthday present for me!!!  

Wisdom for dark days

So please don’t ever mistake

my silence for indifference. 

Don’t ever think my determination

to keep living my life

as fully and bountifully as possible

represents cold nonchalance.

And please don’t ever assume

that my cheerful silliness

is flagrant disrespect.

This is just simply me

choosing hope in the midst of despair,

choosing light while the dark is creeping in,

choosing good despite evil.

This is me choosing life.

Because that’s all I know how to do.

- Stacy Brown
April 18, 2013

I can choose my focus

Sad, discouraged, maybe even scared

What is happening?

Harsh words… 

Mean words 

Disrespect 

Friends sounding like enemies

Brings me down

Gotta’ find a different focus

...

Enter Maya Angelou.

I’ve had so many rainbows in my clouds.

I had a lot of clouds… 

but I have had so many rainbows.

When I step up on stage…

… or teach a class

… or produce a movie...

I bring everyone who has ever been kind to me with me…

I say “Come with me…  I need ya’ ”

So I don’t ever feel that I have no help.

…

And the thing to do…  

... is to prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow…

Be a blessing to somebody.

That’s what I think.

…

Thank you, dear lady, for a fresh focus.

The opposite spirit

The excerpt below from Micah Murray kinda' reminds me of something I used to hear in my church days - about living in the opposite spirit.

• That I don't have to focus on the things that are wrong around me - either to complain about them or to join in the bad attitude.
• That instead I could respond with the opposite spirit.

I guess it also reminds me of an ancient prayer of that famous guy:

Where there is hatred, let me bring love.

Where there is offense, let me bring pardon.

Where there is discord, let me bring union.

- St. Francis, Make me an instrument of peace

Or the quote from that other famous guy:

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

- Ghandi

Yep.
And now the aforementioned excerpt from Micah Murray - only slightly redacted:

And what is the opposite of (... )?

• Loving my neighbor.
• Tearing down walls.
• Reading books.
• Listening to the voices of the marginalized.
• Looking for opportunities to show extravagant generosity.
• Working to undo oppressive systems of racism and patriarchy (starting with me).
• Saying beautiful words that bring hope, joy, and peace to those who hear them.
• Using proper spelling and punctuation.
• And most of all, being kind.

That should keep me busy for the next three years or so. 

I just don't understand!

I just don't understand how someone could vote for him/her...
I really don't understand why you spend money on that.
I just don't understand why you can't see things my way.
I guess we just can't communicate anymore.  
I give up!
Conversation over!

...

This sounds SO familiar.
It can happen between:
- Friends
- Spouses, siblings
- Parents and offspring
- Roommates or classmates
- Friends, neighbors
- Co-workers, team members
- People from different backgrounds and upbringing
- Different personalities

Triggers might be:
- Politics
- Toothpaste tubes
- Toilet seat up or down
- Whose turn it is to take out the garbage
- Which way is the right way

...

How about people from different languages or cultures?
Locals and foreigners
Expats, International student, immigrants
We might expect misunderstanding there.
Frustration, confusion, impatience, exhaustion
It would not be surprising to hear one of our students say, "I just don't understand so I think I'll quit trying."

But nope. 
That's not what I hear.
Instead I mostly hear the opposite.

"I don't understand so I guess I need to try harder."
BECAUSE I don't understand, I must put forth greater effort.

...

Misunderstanding.
Of course.
I may have misunderstood...

...

Humility, deference, respect
Teachability

...

Might there be a lesson here for me?
Could be.

I have much to learn from my new friends who have to work very hard at understanding.  I'm grateful for their diligent example.

... 

Seek first to understand

before seeking to be understood.

-  Stephen Covey

So many helpers

Pretty much any day is a good day to remember bits of neighborly wisdom from Mister Rogers, but maybe especially on his birthday.

“When I was a boy

and I would see scary things in the news,

my mother would say to me,

“Look for the helpers.

You will always find people who are helping.”

To this day, especially in times of “disaster,”

I remember my mother’s words

and I am always comforted

by realizing that there are still so many helpers

–

so many caring people in this world.” 

-Fred “Mister” Rogers

On this his 90th birthday and the 50th anniversary of his neighborhood, I am grateful for this bit of perspective.  In fact, it has only been in recent years that I've learned enough about him to become a fan of his persona and his philosophy. While this little tidbit was meant by his mother to comfort a child, I have to admit it has helped me in these last few years of "scary things on the news."

It comforts me to know there are still so many helpers.

So many caring people in this world.

But it also challenges me to be one of them.

To not give up, but to keep caring and keep helping.

High Hopes

It is easy for me to have high hopes for myself. 

Noble, lofty expectations. 

And then to not fulfill them.

"Yes, I think I will do this."

"Hey, I’m going to write about that."

"Maybe I could become more this or that or the other thing."

But then I don’t always follow through.

I might start but never quite finish.

High hopes often fizzle.

Great expectations and good intentions don’t always end up as awesome accomplishments.

…

I want to be a prolific writer, but sometimes the words I crank out are anything but creative so they never get published.

I want to live a life of gratitude, but I hear myself griping about the mosquitos and whining about the heat.

I want to be a voice of grace, but I catch myself saying things that aren't so gracious.

I want to cultivate a calm and quiet spirit, but sometimes I still tend to get reactionary.

I want to celebrate the opportunity to live in a different culture, but some days I stay inside my walls where I don’t have to work so hard to remember how to communicate  and conjugate in a foreign language.

I want to post glowing reports about this place, but some days everything just seems ordinary - or maybe even downright difficult.

I want to make the most of every single opportunity that comes with living on a tropical island, but lots of times I run out of energy before the chores are done.

...

When I fail to fulfill my own high hopes, I can be tempted to feel sad about it.

But I don’t need to feel discouraged or defeated. 

Because, you see, I am not required to wring every ounce of specialness from every minute.

It is enough… No, it is more than enough that I am aware of my blessings.
That I am grateful in little ways. 

Quiet ways.

That I am indeed enjoying the minutes here and cherishing lots of the many opportunities.

It is wonderful to lift my gaze an inch or two from my computer screen and breathe in the beauty of the palm trees surrounding our little second-story hide-away.

How awesome to have become accustomed to the sound of the crashing waves. At times we pause to listen and comment about the ocean being calm today. Or being louder and wilder than usual.

And speaking of loud, it is fun to stop and notice, “Hey, I know that song. I recognize it from somewhere. … Oh, yah, it's from last night and every night last week.”

It is even kinda’ fun when we happen to be in town in the evening and can’t hear each other in conversation because the music is so loud.

So many sounds.

It might be silly, but I think it’s cool that I recognize the sounds of the various four-wheelers coming down our street. Here comes Ralph, our landlord. That sounds like Joe, our Quebec-y neighbor who speaks English. Joe is our hero. Our helper when we desperately need to communicate with our French landlords.

I feel joy when I am in town and see a face light up in recognition. That kinda’ melts my heart. When we step into “Supermercado Numero Uno” and beautiful Luci flashes her million-dollar smile at me from behind the cash register. Or when Michel calls out to me along the beach before I’ve noticed him. It is extra cool when “my student” calls me “mi amor” - as if I’m special. Makes me feel like I belong. 

Another moment of belonging comes when the lady on the vegetable truck remembers that we love green beans and has set some aside for me - or that I want pepinos pequenos. Yes, I like my cucumbers to be smallish and thin rather than big and fat and seedy.  And it makes me chuckle when Gri-Gri smiles and greets me (actually SMILES) after so many days of me greeting her first and taking time to ask how she’s doing. It’s confusing but endearing when Antonio, the night watchman at the end of our street, launches into some story of which I grasp only a snippet.

It is fun and funny to hear the lilting French language wafting from the next-door windows on all sides. I love to hear it but shake my head because I understand almost none of it. Only occasionally do we hear American English from the house behind us or maybe in the store.

It gets really exciting when I finally find sponges at the grocery store after looking for them for weeks. AND bananas!!! I guess we’ve adjusted to the disappointment that bananas are so rarely available here in town so when we find some, it is cause for great joy. And these are those yummy Dominican bananas - so much better than the ones we get in the U.S.

It feels familiar now to stop at the empanada stand and pick up some chicken and vegetable empanadas for supper. And maybe some ham and cheese ones for tomorrow’s breakfast.

When I’m searching for needed supplies, it's fun to feel like I know my way around the store - and maybe around the language as well.

…

But here’s the thing.

I don’t have to fulfill all of my dreams.

I don’t necessarily need to live up to my greatest expectations.

I am a dreamer and I love that about myself.

I have often said that I would be happy if I accomplish even a small percentage of my hopes and dreams. That’s a luxury you can afford when you have so many of them.

So today I refuse to feel badly about the things I didn’t get done.

The blog posts I haven’t written yet.

The goals I have not fulfilled.

The great idea that didn’t happen because I ran out of energy.

There are so, so many choices. 

So many opportunities to celebrate this amazing place.

This cool little town.

These awesome people.

I can’t do it all.

I can’t have it all.

Nor do I want to. 

This place is a veritable buffet of cultural experiences.
No need to be a glutton.

I can taste this one and try that one.

I can savor each bite. Each experience.

I can even come back for seconds on the ones that I really enjoy.

I can work hard to reach some of my dreams.

I can choose to set others aside - for now or forever.

I can try one more time to make contact with that person I’ve been trying to find. I can try as many times as I want. But then I don’t have to feel badly if I just can’t make it happen.

I can walk to the beach some mornings, but don’t need to do it every day.

I will push myself to fulfill some of my dreams. 

To reach some of my goals. 

And I will choose to relax other times.

How about you?

Do you have too many dreams to get them all done?

That is totally NOT a bad thing!