High Hopes

It is easy for me to have high hopes for myself. 

Noble, lofty expectations. 

And then to not fulfill them.

"Yes, I think I will do this."

"Hey, I’m going to write about that."

"Maybe I could become more this or that or the other thing."

But then I don’t always follow through.

I might start but never quite finish.

High hopes often fizzle.

Great expectations and good intentions don’t always end up as awesome accomplishments.

…

I want to be a prolific writer, but sometimes the words I crank out are anything but creative so they never get published.

I want to live a life of gratitude, but I hear myself griping about the mosquitos and whining about the heat.

I want to be a voice of grace, but I catch myself saying things that aren't so gracious.

I want to cultivate a calm and quiet spirit, but sometimes I still tend to get reactionary.

I want to celebrate the opportunity to live in a different culture, but some days I stay inside my walls where I don’t have to work so hard to remember how to communicate  and conjugate in a foreign language.

I want to post glowing reports about this place, but some days everything just seems ordinary - or maybe even downright difficult.

I want to make the most of every single opportunity that comes with living on a tropical island, but lots of times I run out of energy before the chores are done.

...

When I fail to fulfill my own high hopes, I can be tempted to feel sad about it.

But I don’t need to feel discouraged or defeated. 

Because, you see, I am not required to wring every ounce of specialness from every minute.

It is enough… No, it is more than enough that I am aware of my blessings.
That I am grateful in little ways. 

Quiet ways.

That I am indeed enjoying the minutes here and cherishing lots of the many opportunities.

It is wonderful to lift my gaze an inch or two from my computer screen and breathe in the beauty of the palm trees surrounding our little second-story hide-away.

How awesome to have become accustomed to the sound of the crashing waves. At times we pause to listen and comment about the ocean being calm today. Or being louder and wilder than usual.

And speaking of loud, it is fun to stop and notice, “Hey, I know that song. I recognize it from somewhere. … Oh, yah, it's from last night and every night last week.”

It is even kinda’ fun when we happen to be in town in the evening and can’t hear each other in conversation because the music is so loud.

So many sounds.

It might be silly, but I think it’s cool that I recognize the sounds of the various four-wheelers coming down our street. Here comes Ralph, our landlord. That sounds like Joe, our Quebec-y neighbor who speaks English. Joe is our hero. Our helper when we desperately need to communicate with our French landlords.

I feel joy when I am in town and see a face light up in recognition. That kinda’ melts my heart. When we step into “Supermercado Numero Uno” and beautiful Luci flashes her million-dollar smile at me from behind the cash register. Or when Michel calls out to me along the beach before I’ve noticed him. It is extra cool when “my student” calls me “mi amor” - as if I’m special. Makes me feel like I belong. 

Another moment of belonging comes when the lady on the vegetable truck remembers that we love green beans and has set some aside for me - or that I want pepinos pequenos. Yes, I like my cucumbers to be smallish and thin rather than big and fat and seedy.  And it makes me chuckle when Gri-Gri smiles and greets me (actually SMILES) after so many days of me greeting her first and taking time to ask how she’s doing. It’s confusing but endearing when Antonio, the night watchman at the end of our street, launches into some story of which I grasp only a snippet.

It is fun and funny to hear the lilting French language wafting from the next-door windows on all sides. I love to hear it but shake my head because I understand almost none of it. Only occasionally do we hear American English from the house behind us or maybe in the store.

It gets really exciting when I finally find sponges at the grocery store after looking for them for weeks. AND bananas!!! I guess we’ve adjusted to the disappointment that bananas are so rarely available here in town so when we find some, it is cause for great joy. And these are those yummy Dominican bananas - so much better than the ones we get in the U.S.

It feels familiar now to stop at the empanada stand and pick up some chicken and vegetable empanadas for supper. And maybe some ham and cheese ones for tomorrow’s breakfast.

When I’m searching for needed supplies, it's fun to feel like I know my way around the store - and maybe around the language as well.

…

But here’s the thing.

I don’t have to fulfill all of my dreams.

I don’t necessarily need to live up to my greatest expectations.

I am a dreamer and I love that about myself.

I have often said that I would be happy if I accomplish even a small percentage of my hopes and dreams. That’s a luxury you can afford when you have so many of them.

So today I refuse to feel badly about the things I didn’t get done.

The blog posts I haven’t written yet.

The goals I have not fulfilled.

The great idea that didn’t happen because I ran out of energy.

There are so, so many choices. 

So many opportunities to celebrate this amazing place.

This cool little town.

These awesome people.

I can’t do it all.

I can’t have it all.

Nor do I want to. 

This place is a veritable buffet of cultural experiences.
No need to be a glutton.

I can taste this one and try that one.

I can savor each bite. Each experience.

I can even come back for seconds on the ones that I really enjoy.

I can work hard to reach some of my dreams.

I can choose to set others aside - for now or forever.

I can try one more time to make contact with that person I’ve been trying to find. I can try as many times as I want. But then I don’t have to feel badly if I just can’t make it happen.

I can walk to the beach some mornings, but don’t need to do it every day.

I will push myself to fulfill some of my dreams. 

To reach some of my goals. 

And I will choose to relax other times.

How about you?

Do you have too many dreams to get them all done?

That is totally NOT a bad thing!