Seasons of life

“My writing goal for this month is

to spend less time writing.” 

Wait; did I really say that?

A common question in writing groups might be something like “how’s your writing going this week?” Or “what is your writing goal this month? Good questions.

 

Our answers were often predictable about trying to find more time for writing. That’s why I was surprised to hear myself say that my writing goal for this month is to not spend so much time writing.  

Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

After all, I had been spending more time writing.  

Maybe too much time.

I had kept my head down and pushed myself to get that writing project done.

For months writing had been pretty much my single focus.  My top priority.

I was depleted.  My project was intensely personal and had been mentally and emotionally exhausting.  It certainly made sense that I needed a break.

So I took a break.

A week or two.

A month, maybe three.

Eventually I became aware of another thought that also caught me off-guard.

It was as if I didn’t want to be a writer anymore.

Or at least that I wanted to be something else besides a writer.

I had worked hard to become a writer. 

• I decided to start thinking of myself as a writer. 
• I slowly built a consistent writing habit. 
• I chose to focus on writing as one of my highest priorities.
• I started a blog… and have posted regularly for well over a decade!
• I wrote and self-published a book… and then another.

I gave up other things to become a writer. By prioritizing my writing, I set aside other things that I now want to value.  I don’t regret my writing focus, but that’s not all I want to be in this next season.  I want to be more than a writer.  I am ready to move writing to a lower spot on the list because other things need to move to the top - for at least this season.  I no longer want writing to consume the biggest chunk of my time or energy - nor to be my main identity.

A writer friend called it balance - implying that balance is a good thing.

Another writer friend said that balance is a myth.

So which is it?

Maybe it’s about balance through the seasons.

About big pictures and small details.

Maybe there will be times for a single focus… 

AND times for balanced perspective.

And so I pause... to ponder... the seasons of life.

A good prayer

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

…

Serenity

I like serenity.  I want to have it.

But accept those things?  

The really bad things?  

Ack!  I don’t want to accept them.

However if there is nothing I can do to change them, what choice do I really have?

Besides maybe I ought to save my energy for something more important.

Like to change the things I CAN.

Because yes, that takes courage.  

And work.

And discipline and diligence.

And follow-through.

And yes, energy.

But how do I know which things I can change?

That’s the tricky part.

That’s where the wisdom comes it.

It takes wisdom. 

It takes lots of things.  

It takes learning and practice.

It takes being teachable.

Being willing to admit I might be wrong.

It takes humility.

It might take asking for help.

It might take working my butt off only to see nothing change.

It might take trial and error.

It might take coming up with a good strategy, but not getting any credit for it.

…

I guess maybe it works better for me to invert this thing.

Turn it upside-down.

Start with the wisdom.

Figure out which things I might be able to change and which things I can’t.

Next I can pour my energy into the ones where I can make a difference.

And THEN maybe I can be okay to accept the things I cannot change.  

Or at least I’ll be ready for a nap by then!

…

I really like what Melissa Camara Wilkins says about this acceptance thing.  She speaks of giving ourselves space to own the frustration and awful emotions that come with not being able to change things. Her words help me with this serenity thing.

…

So here's to serenity and courage and wisdom.

I could afford to learn more about how to practice all three.

Because obviously I can’t fix the problems of the world.  Duh.

But I can sure enough find a bunch of ways to make the world a better place.

Amazing Day #15: Rest

Rest

A day of rest

No work

No shoulds

No obligations

...

Began this habit during my church days

But back then it was hardly a day of rest.

Usually it was a day of ministry.

Lots of work

Lots of obligation

Lots of shoulds

Lots of stress

Funny how that worked

The idea of Sabbath

A time of rest

But too often it became a time of rules

Things we couldn’t do on Sunday.

Things that we must do on Sunday

…

But now it feels like I’m finally figuring it out.

Hopefully getting it right

A time of rest

Refreshment

Nourishment

Renewal

No work

No shoulds

No rules

No obligations

Sabbath rest

Amazing.

...

Read about more amazing days here.

Forgot to blog

Oops; I just remembered that I have a blog.

I've been forgetting to write something on it.

I guess I got distracted.

Distractions

Yep, we live in a land of distraction.

Lots of fun distractions

• Like grandkids to visit and care for
• Like a new neighborhood to explore
• Like LOTS of restaurants to check out
• Like being able to watch Jeopardy! 
• Like remembering how to drive a stick shift again

Also some not so fun distractions. 

Like medical appointments.

Like an ugly political circus filling the news and social media.
(Now there's one that can distract me and steal my joy and my peace - IF I let it - so I've made a decision not to let it!)

I am a bit ambivalent about some of the distractions in my life these days. I am thrilled by the opportunities, but struggling to remember how to find balance in my schedule. 

I really want to establish healthy routines. I want to walk a couple miles each morning which I mostly enjoy but I don’t walk very fast which means that every mile takes a chunk out of my day.

I really do want to check out lots of the restaurants in our area. So fun. But so much food. I do NOT need all of the food in a typical serving so I usually take most of it home where it becomes another meal or two in the following days. That’s all good.

Social opportunities are abundant for us in this new season. It has been awhile since I’ve had so many options. Maybe I've forgotten how to balance the appointments with my normal work.

There are educational opportunities. 

I am currently taking a couple on-line courses - and barely keeping up with the assignments! 

And books! So many books! 

There are shelves and shelves of books at the library, but how to pick just one. There are boxes and boxes full of my favorite books that have been stored away for four years - that I am delighted to be able to access again - but where do I start?

And speaking of boxes and boxes… Yes, there are still bins and boxes from our storage unit that I simply must keep working my way through.

These opportunities all take time. 

• Checking out the new town takes time. 
• Getting to know my neighbors takes time. 
• Catching up with family and friends takes time. 
• Sorting through all those boxes takes time. 
• Walking a couple miles takes time - every day. 
• Making those phone calls to set up appointments takes time. 
• Driving to the appointments and sitting in waiting rooms takes time. 
• Doing homework assignments takes time.  

And blogging takes time - or it gets crowded out of the schedule. Or forgotten!

Limitations

Time management has always been a weak spot for me. Now that I am back in the land of opportunity, it’s time to pull out the wise tactics that I learned back in the day. IF I can remember what they are.

I know that I am not alone in this struggle. In fact, my schedule is shockingly clear compared to the average person’s. Probably most of us have a natural tendency to get too busy. There are so many demands on our time - by our own desires, by the people we love, by society in general.  

It is SO easy to let our calendars fill up with good stuff. We must find ways to assess our schedules so that we can intentionally find the balance that we need.

Over the last few years I had gradually become convinced that writing is one of the important things that I do - but it doesn’t look like it lately.
I am noticing that now.
I can choose what to do about it.
Now.

Seasons

Our lives unfold in seasons. 

• Seasons of child-raising and career-building. 
• Seasons of good times and hard times. 
• Seasons of abundance as well as lean seasons.
• Seasons where we can barely hold on and other seasons where there is some margin. 
• Some room to grow, space to create, time to explore.

During these last few years of travel, my seasons have been more pronounced than in previous years. Some of those seasons have been sparse in terms of options; consequently it is natural that I would want to take advantage of the vast opportunities in this season. Several of the travel seasons have been lonely so now it is great to have the chance for regular contact with loved ones. In this season of abundant opportunity it is tempting to try for more than we have time or energy for.

Choices

And you?

• What season are you in? 
• Is it an extremely busy season or is there some margin? 
• Are you happy about your priorities and how they play out in your schedule?
• Which things would you change in your schedule if you could?
• Is it possible to make any of those changes - or to even start moving in that direction?
• Is there something that you’ve been neglecting that you really wish you could be doing now - or very soon? 
• What is it worth to you?
• Can you sacrifice something else for it?

We do have choices, you know. Usually more than we realize.

The Mexican fisherman

A few days ago I wrote about the poverty and difficult circumstances that many Dominicans face.

Today I happened to remember this story.*
One of my favorite stories ever. 

Perspective
Attitude
Priorities
Contentment
...

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.  An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife.  In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . . .I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.   Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!  From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing.

"When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really?"  And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

...

* I have no idea where this story originated. It guess it is public domain by now - and lots of people have written about it all across the internet.

Time to write

Here I am - living on a tropical island.

The perfect place to write.

Right?

Many writers would give an arm and a leg for this privilege. 

To spend the winter in a little village at the end of the road on a remote peninsula... Where the highway stops at the sea...
Sounds so idyllic.

And it is a wonderful place to write. A blessing for which I am terribly grateful.

However, I was smart enough to know ahead of time that living here would be no guarantee that I would get lots of things written. I know myself pretty well. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. That I always seem to imagine that I will accomplish far more than I can actually pull off.

I also knew enough about living in this country to know that there is not as much time to do the things you might think you’ll be able to do. There are a couple obvious reasons for that.

First, the heat and humidity sap the strength right out of me. I move more slowly. Indeed, I often notice that I am dragging myself up the stairs to our little studio apartment. Sometimes it’s had to find the energy to do anything - let alone to discipline myself to work hard.

Secondly, the stuff of life just takes so much work here. We learned that many years ago. Yes, I know what Gershwin wrote about summertime and the livin’ is easy. But I also remember when we lived in this country 26 years ago that we quickly learned that just living is a whole lot of hard work. Everything takes longer. Shopping, cooking, cleaning up. Culture stress slows me down and wears me out. 

So there doesn’t turn out to be unlimited amounts of time to write - nor the energy to write when you do have time.

Oh, yes, there's another reason...  I also wanted to be somewhat free to make the most of every opportunity that comes with living in a place like this. I didn’t want to keep myself hidden away and miss out on everything outside our walls. In other words, I knew that I would want to spend time out there experiencing the sights and sounds and tastes and smells - even if it meant that I wouldn’t get to write as much as I might hope. 

I keep reminding myself that John Steinbeck didn’t write a single page of his book while on his actual trip across America. He just experienced it in the moment - and then wrote the book “Travels with Charlie” later. After the fact. I take comfort in that.

But still I hoped that I would be able to do a reasonable amount of writing. I planned to write regular blog posts while here in this great setting.  I had set some small goals for working on one of my NaNo books. 

At the same time I knew I would need to be patient with myself. To not beat myself up if I wasn’t prolific enough or diligent enough.  

…

So here we are. 

Half-way through our time here. 

How am I doing anyway?

...

Yes, I am writing. Cranking out lots of words and actually publishing some of them. As is rather “normal” for me (no matter where we live!) I am quite sporadic in the things that I actually produce.  I think I posted 13 times in January and only once so far in February. Like I said, that is fairly normal for me.

And yes, I have reached the first of my NaNo goals!

For once it would seem that I may have set some pretty reasonable expectations of myself for my writing output during this season.

And yes, there have times when I can’t seem to get in gear. But still I write. Still I crank out the words - and at least some of them end up being used.

…

Yes, living here takes much energy - and lots of time.

AND yes, there are those cultural opportunities that I choose to give high priority.

For example, I need to shut down my computer right now so I can get to my tutoring session.

Because you see, the seemingly shy girl who did my $11 pedi at the tiny little salon by the French bakery last week found the courage to ask me if I would teach her English a couple days a week. I was not about to turn down that opportunity. So here I go…

There will be time to write later.

My work? What do I do?

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with work. With my job. Only a few of my jobs have been well-defined or easy to explain. They were the ones with specific set hours, an easily understood title and/or job description. The ones with an actual paycheck every two weeks.

The rest of my jobs have been more vague. Less specific.  

“You do what?” 

“Do you get paid for that?”

"What exactly is it that you do?” 

Most moms in America have had some encounter with the “working mom vs. stay-at-home mom” debate. There has been more than enough confusion and criticism swirling around that topic. I’ve been in the middle of it - both as the subject of conversation and as internal battle within myself. I noticed that once I added foster mom to my list of responsibilities, I felt like I had a little more cred - because maybe that seemed more like work than just being a “regular” mom, but it still was easy to argue with myself as to whether being a mom was a real job or not. 

And then there was the whole world of volunteer ministry. Lots of people do volunteer work and lots of people do ministry without pay. And that’s what I did for many years. Once again I dealt with the internal conflict whether it was a real job or not.

When it came to organizing my own time schedule and evaluating my personal dreams and goals, I could confidently claim this “ministry” as my work. But when others asked what I “do” I struggled to articulate it.

In recent years, I’ve turned another corner and have found the courage to call myself a writer. To declare that writing is my work. It is what I “do” now. Once again, there is no clock to punch, no specific hours to be on-duty, no job description and no paycheck, but hey, I’m used to that.

...

Enter retirement. Retired people don’t work anymore. They don’t have a job. They just sit around with time on their hands. Right? They have to find hobbies to fill their time and evidently some of them still get bored. 

Nope. Not true for me. I can’t imagine feeling bored. I haven't had to get used to a new schedule because things haven’t changed much for me. Here I was just getting used to this thing of being a writer and carving out a writing schedule. I still don’t seem to be able to find enough hours in the day to keep up with my writing projects. And now that hubby is actually retired, I find myself wanting to join him in at least some of his adventures! But then I have even less time to write. I pretty much always feel behind with my work schedule, but then that is nothing new. I have always been a starter and a dabbler and not such a great finisher. 

But it works. It works pretty well, in fact. I’m grateful to have meaningful work that I love. To be passionate about one's job is a privilege. I’m also grateful to have a lifestyle that allows me to continue my work. The necessities for my job are fairly minimal. A small space, a table and chair, my computer, electrical power and internet access - and I’m all set. Or I can be portable - taking my computer along to restaurants for free WiFi. I can also write with just pen and paper. Duh. What a novel idea!

The only thing left to figure out is my work schedule. What hours do I work? Yes, it's true that some of those times when I’m sitting at my computer, I’m NOT writing. Imagine that! Sometimes I’m chatting with a friend. Sometimes I’m wasting time surfing the web. And sometimes I’m even playing Solitaire. *gasp* 

My work schedule is fluid. Not rigid in any way. Some weeks the daily schedule is predictable, but many weeks it is not. And that’s okay. I’m adjusting to that idea. 

In fact, I am downright loving it.

It’s not just okay; 

it is wonderful.

The Lighthouse - more stories still to come

It happened again. I got too busy traveling and experiencing life to have time to write about our travels and about life!

It has happened before, more than once in fact, and I'm guessing it will happen in the future.

I want to write more about our two weeks at the lighthouse, but somehow life has happened and miles have been traveled and I haven't been able to keep up with writing about it all.

So if you want to hear more stories about living at the lighthouse, maybe you could leave a comment and hopefully it will nudge me to get some more of them done.

And please stop back again to see whether there are new posts.

Not so many posts these days

I sure haven't published many posts here lately. So much for that goal of 10 posts per month. Yah, right!

I could feel guilty about that, because I'm really good at feeling guilty for all kinds of things.

Then again, what good would that do?

There are other ways that I could look at this.

I've heard more than one writer talk about the fact that they sometimes get so busy trying to keep up with their writing that they don't find time to really live.

Maybe I have the opposite problem. Maybe I am so busy living life that I struggle to find time to write about it.

"In order to write about life

first you must live it."

- Ernest Hemingway

Maybe I have a really good excuse for not writing. Maybe I am living life first so that I can write about it later.

Either write something worth reading

or

do something worth writing about.

- Benjamin Franklin

Maybe I'm doing things worth writing about. Hopefully. Yep, that sounds good. Okay; yah. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

There have been times when I've chosen to think of writing as my full-time job. I enjoy those times when that can be true. When writing can be my focus. It makes me feel like a writer and that's fun. I'm grateful to have that freedom. 

But this isn't one of those times. Instead this is a time when I wear other hats as well. A time when other roles and responsibilities tend to take priority and become my focus. A time when I don't get many days for writing.
And that's okay. In fact, that's more than okay. These are the times I long for when I'm far away from the kids and grandkids. These are the days when I can take care of all kinds of personal business much easier than when we are hundreds of miles away.

I will gladly enjoy both kinds of days. Both seasons. The seasons when I can write like it's my job, but also the seasons when other stuff takes up more of my time. The times when I mostly wear my writer hat but also the times when I sometimes can't remember which hat I'm wearing.

Good times.