Messed up. Again.

I messed up. Yah, that's not unusual, but this was a biggie. I feel badly and I honestly don't know anything I can do to rectify the mess. So I could just wallow in my guilt and feel worse and worse. Or I could find something profitable to do - and maybe try to be more responsible or more sensitive or something so that I don't mess up again too soon.

When I'm thinking clearly, the choice is obvious. Unfortunately, I haven't been thinking very clearly the last few days because of a nasty cold - which is my excuse for messing up so royally in the first place.

At any rate, I do know how to choose. At least I certainly know that it won't do anybody any good for me to wallow in this pit. So I do the only thing(s) I know to do about this mess and then let it go.

And I keep moving. Put one foot in front of the other. Find something to do. One of those things that has been hanging over my head? Yah, that would be good.

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Anne Lamott just nailed it again with a piece about showing up and offering hope to others.

I really want to do that. I've been thinking so much lately about how I want to be more sensitive and more welcoming and encouraging. I want to be more understanding. I want to put myself in others' shoes. I want to be a minister of reconciliation, but I often don't know what to do. But still I can try.

Anne is one of the people who challenge me to be a better person. And yes, I was challenged by her writing once again. But the comments... Oh, the comments! Often I don't let myself read the comments - because it can be time consuming and mostly because internet comments are normally ignorant and infuriating. But I read some of them today. And today they were worth reading.
Here's one: Because of your book ... I went on my first hike today

And another: I just stood in the grocery weepily debating whether I could afford to squander my food stamps on cherries & chocolate for my birthday. No. But, dammit, my birthday is tomorrow, and I'm so discouraged ... and ... I really needed this today.

And one more: Thank you, Anne. Love and Hope are very much needed here in Australia today.

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These comments stir me. They inspire me. They help me put myself in those others' shoes. Oh, God, please help me to be an ambassador of healing to people like this. I really wish I could find that person and send cherries and chocolate for her birthday. I want to send hugs to the people of Sydney and the entire country of Australia after what they've been through. I want to pat that woman on the back and congratulate her for going on that first hike.

And I want to frame these comments and hold them up to Anne Lamott as a mirror to remind her of how many people she has helped.

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So I messed up. And I will again. And that's okay.

Most of us have messy lives and can really use some understanding from other people.

I want to be one of those people.

What I DON'T want to be is one of those people who automatically points fingers of blame at people who mess up. Unfortunately, that finger-pointing routine tends to be my default setting. But I don't need to settle there. I can change that setting to a much more helpful one.

And that's good news.