Birthday parties

I’ve been thinking back to some of my Mom's birthdays - particularly the ones when we pulled off a party.  She did love parties - probably because she loved people!  In her early days she was the one planning the party and doing most of the cooking.  In recent years she wasn’t able to make the food but she still loved to organize the event.

There was the one for her 80th…  Our house was filled to overflowing with nearly a hundred dear friends and neighbors and relatives.  So much talking and laughing and singing.  She always wanted singing.

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Then a few years later, another overflow crowd descended on the lobby at Hannah Wolfe Retirement Residence where she was living by that time.  The other residents graciously joined in on the fun.

When her 90th came along, she had just moved into her new place at Timberline Lodge - NOT large enough to handle 80 or 100 of her closest friends and family.  The staff agreed that they could fit in maybe 30 guests so we cut the guest list WAY down.

Because there were dozens of other who wanted to celebrate with her, I decided to declare the entire month of May as Betty Month - by orchestrating visits and phone calls throughout the month.  

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Wishing we could do more, I reminded myself of lessons I had learned while living on the road.  I had stumbled upon a practice that feels like wisdom.*

When our time in a certain spot was nearly done and it was obvious we would not have time to do everything we wanted to, I had a choice.  I could be bummed and focus on the sadness about all we couldn’t do.  Or I could figure out what we COULD do.  I tried to think ahead to when we would look back on this place and time.  What would I wish I had done? 

I had tried to implement some of that wisdom in my mom’s situation.  She had already planned and pre-planned and re-planned her funeral.  I had been asking myself those questions I learned on the road.  When she’s gone, what will I wish I had done with her and for her?  What things can I do now that I will later be thankful I did?

Her 90th provided a good opportunity to get creative.  Since we couldn’t have a huge party with everybody she would liked to have seen, I really wanted to find more things I COULD do.

Was there any way to incorporate some of the good things that happen at funeral times, celebrating the memories of a lifetime.  How much better to do it while she is still here to listen in and to be part of it.  

I COULD do a photo book… so I did.  

Fifty pages, 271 photos, and millions of memories.  

And I could get it to her by May 1 so that she could share it with her Betty Month visitors.  

And she did.  

She got to narrate the photos from her entire life over and over again with her guests.

What a month it was!

People came to visit her throughout the month.

Others called her to chat for awhile.

The “small” party was a success.  The staff and several friends helped to make it lovely and very special.  Wedding pictures and other favorites graced the food table and every available spot.  ‘Twas a wonderful day of visiting with dear ones.

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By the time Mom died two years later, such festive gatherings were restricted because of COVID.  I am SO glad we were able to celebrate her life while she could be there to enjoy it. 

We did what we could when we could.