No Longer Home - Part Two

(Continued from Part One posted yesterday)

...

Eventually, gradually, finally, the girl began to understand that she did not have to live under the constant threat of displeasing someone – although it would take a very long time to fully embrace that truth.

As the girl continued to expand her intellectual ability, she learned some basic truth from the outside world – like about behavior patterns and healthy boundaries. Once she understood the wisdom in this kind of knowledge, she began to grieve that these principles had not been taught in the village. To the contrary, the walls that seemed to protect had also restricted the flow of much that would have been healthy – and had actually amplified the unhealthiness of other facets of community life.

The comfort zone no longer seemed idyllic. The safety and security came with high price tags – of restriction and manipulation. Freedom had been devalued, blind obedience exalted.

But it was still home. It was still the place to come back and be safe and secure. She knew the rules and spoke the language. There was even a bit of hope that things could change, that maybe, just maybe, restrictions and manipulation could diminish so that freedom and growth could flourish. In fact, there seemed to be times when that was so. More and more people began to experience moments of freedom and hope, but there always seemed to be a limit to freedom. It took awhile to realize that freedom is not the same as a longer leash.

And still she stayed. She submitted where she could without compromising her health and she tried to improve things wherever possible. After all, she was fluent in the language and understood the systems and the protocol very well. Surely she could have a positive influence. And she was not alone in her efforts. Many others also worked hard to make the village a place of life and health and vitality and freedom and growth. There were good days, fulfilling days, fun days, days of good old-fashioned hard work – as well as days that weren’t so fun or fulfilling.

And still she stayed – because it was home. Some of the time she felt welcome there – IF she worked hard to please – but not so much if she spoke up for freedom and health. She was still fluent in the language and still knew the protocol so she kept trying to walk the tightrope, to find some balance between fitting in and breaking free.

It had never occurred to her that she might someday no longer be welcome here, so it came as a great surprise to find herself outside of the walls and to realize quite suddenly that she would not be going back home. The girl would no longer live in the village; it was no longer home.

…

Sometime later the girl began to wonder if there was something that she could have done to stay, to continue to feel welcome in the village. She came to the conclusion that she probably did have a choice. She probably could have stayed and even been welcomed and cared for if, only if, she had chosen to submissively step back behind the rule line and if she were willing to start over in making sure to please the proper people, those who thought themselves to be leaders, and if she would stop making waves and rocking the boat and thinking for herself. She thought carefully about that choice and the accompanying price tag. She knew she could do it; after all, she was still fluent in the language and she still knew the protocol. But she also knew that it would mean setting aside freedom and growth and life and healing and health and vitality - and she knew without a doubt that price was too high. Besides, she had already discovered that there were wonderful places outside the walls that could provide a sense of home – that didn’t force her to sell her soul to pay the rent and where she was not required to commit emotional and intellectual suicide.

…

And the air is cleaner, fresher.
The horizon is broader.
The view is awesome.

She is still trying to understand the protocol and is not yet fluent in the language, but she is getting lots of practice. Yes, she is beginning to feel at home.

More importantly, the girl is learning what it feels like to be free.