Accountability - the helpful kind

Sometimes I need accountability.

The good kind.

The supportive kind.

The kind that actually helps me reach my goals.

The kind that encourages me to be a better person.

I desperately need that kind of encouragement.

I have known I need it for a long time; therefore I have often sought accountability.

“Only the wise seek accountability.”

(Somebody said that once.)

But not every version of accountability is helpful.
Some accountability settings are downright harmful.

Toxic.

Damaging.

I do NOT need that kind. 

• There is the kind that you can lie your way out of.  I mean, come on; how honest are you going to be with the person who is supposed to keep you on the straight and narrow? 
• There is the kind that easily devolves into ineffective nagging. Example: one spouse holding the other accountable in their struggle with over-eating - or cheating or some other bad habit.
• There is the kind that encourages you to be honest and then punishes you when you are.
• There is the kind that assumes that some magic formula will solve every problem.
• There is the kind that just lets you slide with no real follow-through from either side.

Nope, I don’t need any of those.

They are not healthy and they are not helpful.

But I do need the kind where my connection becomes a motivator and where it results in actual growth or improvement.

• I need the kind where I receive encouragement. 
• Where I find a listening ear. 
• Where someone offers real solutions.
• Where people care enough to offer a pat on the back or a kick in the pants.
• I need a place where I am encouraged to be honest - with my friends and with myself. 
• And a place where my honesty doesn’t mean that I will be abandoned.

…

I have been fortunate enough to find that kind of helpful support in a few places.

Like my on-line writers’ group.

Like the little chat room of like-minded strugglers.

Like a certain friend who sees the good in me even when I can’t. 

Like another friend who always seems to be able to offer fresh perspective.

Like the dear friend who tells me not to be afraid.
Like the one who reminds me to rise above the self-pity.

When I go to these people to report success, they rejoice with me.

When I get stuck, someone may offer an idea that gets me un-stuck.

When I’m discouraged, I hear words that lift and inspire me.

And here’s a bonus!

I’ve discovered a benefit that has almost surprised me.

This morning, for example, I was about to head to my writing group page or my un-cluttering group to whine about how discouraged I was about my latest failure. Surely I would find sympathy - or maybe something helpful.

But…

Instead I stopped myself and decided it would be cooler to go and pick off one of my goals SO THAT I could report that to my group.

And it worked!

Just thinking about checking in gave me the motivation I needed to actually get something done. It became the kick I needed.


Funny how that works!

Funny and wonderful.