October come & gone

I can’t believe that it’s October already!
I can’t believe that October went so quickly!
How many times do we say that - about whichever month it happens to be?

Most of my readers probably know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. All month I have been intending to write a blog posting about it, but here it is, the last day of the month & no blog has been forthcoming. Certainly my famous foot-dragging procrastination has been a factor, but perhaps it was more than that. At first I didn’t have a clue about what to write. I saw different articles here & there written from various angles & viewpoints & I probably wondered what I could add to the discussion. But I felt like I should jump in & say something – because that’s what bloggers do; they write about current topics. So it made sense that I write about this. Besides, I had a sense of personal obligation to this topic; after all, I am a breast cancer survivor – so shouldn’t I do my part?

What is my part? What are we trying to do with this awareness campaign? What really is the purpose of the pink ribbon cause? What is the goal of the campaign? Is it serving any real benefit - & to whom?

Actually I had begun asking these questions even before October began, when I bumped into yet another “cute” little gimmick spreading across Facebook. Women would post in their status windows: "I'm ‘x-number’ weeks & I'm craving ‘____’." thereby causing their friends to wonder what in the world they were talking about. I noticed that it bothered me a bit & I tried to figure out why. Was I just being a grump? I remembered a couple of other silly campaigns on Facebook in the last couple years. First was the time when women would simply type one word as their status – the name of a color, answering the question: What color underwear are you wearing right now? The other one was to answer the question: Where do you like to keep your purse? However, the intent was evidently to word your answer so that it would imply something entirely different. Yes, I might be a grump, but what in the world do these questions or their answers have to do with breast cancer awareness? Okay, I admit that they may have raised curiosity or interest, but for what purpose? I guess maybe the creators of the idea thought it would be cool to do something beyond the pink ribbon, that something more provocative might better serve the cause.

Then came October & we saw pink ribbons everywhere. The pink ribbon has certainly gained a measure of familiarity & recognition and could likely be identified by most people as a symbol of breast cancer awareness. But besides that identification, what purpose does it serve?

People evidently “read” the pink ribbon differently. Some see it as a tribute, a reminder of someone who they lost to breast cancer. To others, it is a celebration – expressing their gratitude for someone who survived. To still others, it means solidarity & a rallying cry for the cause of “beating this thing.” Thanks to an honest friend, I’ve just discovered that to some, the pink ribbon itself has become a symbol of fear & has the unfortunate ability to cruelly shake up their world with no apparent benefit.

Evidently some people see the pink ribbon as simply a chance for organizations to raise money for their specific sub-cause – whether it be for cancer research or maybe just for fueling the machinery of their own pet version of the campaign.

Some people also see the pink ribbon as an encouragement to DO SOMETHING – to do that self-exam, to schedule that appointment - or to nag somebody else to follow through on the knowledge that early detection and treatment can save lives! I suppose it is this last symbolism that makes me feel like I “should” do something to influence others. However I have learned that “should’s” often do not motivate as well as might be expected. It’s a little like trying to motivate through guilt; it just doesn’t work. However, that is a whole other topic – perhaps for another day.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t have a clue about how to motivate a friend or a loved one to do something that they “should” do. Crap; I don’t even know how to motivate myself to do what I should do. It’s true that gimmicks do work – sometimes – although not usually in a one-size-fits-all version. For me at least, bringing about true change involves a process which may begin with influence &/or persuasion, but must continue through the decision-making point and actual strategy steps. In other words, I must be convinced that this is important enough to warrant my attention & my energy. Then I must DECIDE to do it. More importantly I need to decide when & where I will do this. I must figure out & take the steps to make it happen. I must make that call, set up that appointment or whatever it takes. It takes more than a pink ribbon!

What about you?
What do pink ribbons say to you?
Is there something you should do?
Better yet, is there something that you want to do?
Maybe you could find a way to honor that special person.
Maybe you could love on someone who is scared.
Or maybe there is something that you can do for yourself.
Maybe you will choose to do this thing now.
Maybe you will make that call & get that appointment on your calendar.
Enough with the “should”s already!
What is it that you want to do?
What will you choose to do?
What will it take to get it done?

Remembering...

We remember.
We are all remembering - in our own ways.
We talk about it; we listen.
We remember.

We grieve.
We mourn all kinds of losses.
We pay tribute to those who lost their lives
We pray for those who miss them.
We remember.

We say that we will never forget.
I wonder what that means.
We remember online and at the supermarket.
We can read unlimited commentary about how 9/11 changed us.
We hear discussions about what we've done right.
We bump into arguments about what went wrong.
We remember.

We remind ourselves that life is short.
We try to be more present in the moment.
We prioritize our treasures.
We refuse to take things for granted.
We choose to cherish relationships.
We remember.

But is there something more that we can do?
Something I can do?
Can I make the world a better place?
Can I be an ambassador of peace and goodwill?
Will I remember?

Were there lessons to be learned?
Ten years later, are there more lessons to be learned?
Will I apply them?
What difference will it make?
Will I remember?

With the perspective of hindsight, how will I now remember?
How have I allowed it to change me?
How will I then live?
Will I remember?

An awkward silence

It was an innocent question, a simple question, asking about the welfare of a mutual friend. However… the friend in question had died 12 years ago. The person to whom the question had been asked didn’t say anything for a really long time. At least to me it seemed like a really long time. He was likely taking some moments to consider the kindest way to phrase the answer – one that would minimize the embarrassment of the questioner. I found myself wanting to jump in with a quicker answer, but am thankful that I refrained – because it wasn’t my question to answer, but also because it provided an important lesson for me.

In hindsight, I remember standing there thinking, “Why doesn’t he say something?” Even later I marveled at his deliberation and then it occurred to me that this man often does that… often takes some moments to collect his thoughts before giving an answer. Whoa. Think before you speak. What a novel idea.

Then it dawned on me that I had witnessed an illustration of two kinds of conversational response. My internal reaction was immediate, almost impatient, feeling that somebody needed to get the answer out there a.s.a.p. On the other hand, the response that was eventually given seemed to emerge instead from a philosophy that valued taking the time to give a measured response. Duh. “Slow to listen, slow to speak…” Yah, I’ve heard that somewhere before. And no, I’ve never been very good at it. Could it be that I am uncomfortable with silence in some social settings? Do I feel compelled to fill it in before it can become too awkward?

In this case I think I would have given a fine answer. I am sensitive enough to have been kind and gracious, but I would have tried to do it quickly. This was just an ordinary conversation between old friends – so maybe it didn’t really matter – but in a more volatile situation the speed of the answer might have made a big difference.

So, let this be a lesson to me. How many times have I wished that I had stopped to think before speaking? What will it take to help me change? Maybe one step would be to recognize that a moment of silence is not a terrible thing and that it is not always my job to fill it with words. Maybe I could learn that. Just maybe.

thankful for clean water I am

Got a nasty surprise today. Rough news. Things may get worse before they get better. Already tight finances get even tighter. Current stressors suddenly feel overwhelming. The temptation is strong to panic, to complain, and to feel fearful. I am aware of a painful lump in my throat.

In the midst of it all, up pops my calendar reminder that today is Thankful Thursday. Oh, crap. I'm not feeling very thankful at the moment. But I will do this. I will find something for which to be thankful. As an American, that shouldn't be too hard, but a fearful focus tends to compete with thankfulness. Maybe I'll start small. Okay, here's one. How about air? Pretty basic to life. I have clean fresh air to breathe - and it's free. Besides that I have clean water to drink...

And that's all it took! The thought of clean water got to me. What a blessing it is. Wow. I began to think of all of the people who do not have access to clean water. Nearly one billion of them! And I'm not just talking about good (as in tasty) cold fresh water. We're simply referring to water that is not gross and loaded with all kinds of nasty things that will make them sick. Can you even imagine what it must to like to not have clean water available? Well, yah, I actually can imagine. I can remember being where it's not safe to drink the water. But the people did because that was their only option. I, on the other hand, could climb into a vehicle and go on down the road to where there WAS clean water. I even had money in my wallet so that I could buy some of it. And then I could come back home to America where a thousand faucets spout clean, clear water.

Yep, I'm feeling thankful - for fresh air and clean water. AND I'm thankful for my little Thankful Thursday exercise. I guess I needed that today.

Oh, and that painful lump in my throat... I can still feel it, but with a difference. Earlier it spoke of dread and/or self-pity. Now it feels more like compassion and a mandate. I must not let this moment pass unheeded. What will I do about it? There must be something more that I can do.

And, if anyone else is reading this, is there something more that you can do?

There are amazing wonderful organizations who are expertly doing something about clean water as well as many of the other issues that plague those trapped in poverty. Blood:Water Mission is one of many that focus specifically on clean water. Compassion International and World Vision are two of the most reputable child sponsorship organizations - both using a holistic, community development approach. I can confidently recommend either/both of them because they hold to high standards of efficiency, integrity and fiscal responsibility and they are making an incredible difference in the lives of thousands of children and their families. It has been my great privilege to meet some of them.

Yes, I'm feeling thankful. I am indeed blessed. May I be faithful in using my blessings to bless others!

My inside voice

I wasn't feeling so well that morning. Not really sick, but not up to par. Not at full strength. But I still needed to control the room full of third graders and hopefully to teach them something.

I may have flicked the lights - in those days a common trick to get attention. At any rate, I began in barely more than a whisper to explain to my students that I needed their help in being extra attentive because I wasn't able to speak very loudly.

To my delight, it worked. How cool! They got serious and even lowered their tones to match mine. It worked so well, in fact, that I decided I should remember this tactic.

Last night I read a blog post* by Jon Acuff, entitled "When God goes quiet" at Stuff Christians Like. His point was that even when He is quiet, God is still there. I'm glad that I have seen the truth of that in my own life and it's good to be reminded of it.

The article reminded me of that classroom incident and I realized there are other lessons as well. Jon Acuff's lesson was for me the child, the student, the learner, the follower. But what about the lesson for me the teacher, the mentor, the friend, the writer, the influencer? In the classroom that morning, I learned that sometimes, rarely, at least once in a great while, silence can speak louder than noise - and maybe not so rarely. That being the case, could my soft voice (or my silence) be as effective (or maybe even more effective) than my loud voice? Could my whisper cut through the noise better than a strong, bold statement?

I am to be a truth-teller, but maybe that doesn't always have to be with bold, strong statements. Maybe there should be more whispers of affirmation and encouragement from these lips. Certainly I could be using a soft voice more than I do - a voice that is kind and gentle rather than strong and persuasive. I'm not so confident in my ability to be strong and persuasive anyway.

So how about I practice using my inside voice? Maybe, just maybe, it will cut through the noise and maybe even bring a better kind of control to a loud situation. And quite possibly it will be more able to speak peace to ears that are aching from the surrounding din.