Can malaise be a good thing?

I woke up aware of a touch of malaise. Just a touch, mind you. Not physical, but emotional, I guess. Not really feeling badly, just a sense of being less than satisfied. Or maybe fear. A fear that the days are going too quickly and I will end up being less than satisfied. Of our five months here, three are gone and I am remembering things that I wanted to do during this time and wondering if I will succeed in getting them done. Basically, I guess I'm beginning to be afraid that I might end up with regrets at the end of our time here. And I really don't like regrets.

I guess I could say much of the above about my life in general - not just this season - and maybe you could, too. That the days are going quickly. That I might not get done all that I want to. That I might end up with regrets at the end of my time...

Once I put fingers to keys and words to page, I can recognize that this is not a bad thing. To the contrary, it can be a very good thing - a chance to pause and re-evaluate my schedule and habits and rituals. Now. In the middle of this time frame. Now when there is still time to make course corrections. Time to figure out which expectations are/were realistic and time to decide which things are really important. Time to realign my priorities and to determine the steps to make the changes I choose to make.

Which things need more focus from me? Which things deserve less of my time? Time to take a hard look at the time-wasters that clamor for my attention. Time to recognize the pastimes that simply pass the time, but give me nothing in return. Those times and places I just drift into something that does not nurture my dreams and goals.

I recognize the blessing in this. I can see it as an opportunity. There is much to be thankful for here. I have options. I have opportunity. I have the ability to evaluate and to change course at least to some extent. I am responsible for my actions and my decisions, my habits and my routines.

This is a gift.

I have several kinds of freedom that many do not have and am deeply grateful for that. I am on a crazy adventure, for Pete's sake! At the same time I realize that much of the adventure is what I make of it. Even in this situation, I could easily drift into a state of complaining or grumping about the things that are less than perfect.

While I don't have an abundance of physical strength, I do have enough energy to take myself on walks. I have the cognitive ability to prioritize and to make changes. At this age, some of my peers no longer have that ability and I do not take it lightly.

So today is Thursday. Is it a thankful Thurday?

'Tis true that I did not wake up automatically feeling thankful. But then that's not what thankful Thursday is all about. It wasn't a wish that I would always wake up feeling thankful. Not a chart to put stars on to commemorate how many times that happened. Instead it was meant to be a sort of ritual, if you will, a reminder that I can choose to be thankful. I hoped it would help me develop the habit of being thankful - even it it means having to search for the good. Because I want to be a thankful person.

Today is thankful Thursday if I choose to be thankful. Once again.

...

So that word "malaise"? A general sense of ill-being. Yah, it might not seem like a positive word. But... But it CAN be a great thing - if we use it as motivation to pause and reflect and to diagnose things that need to be changed.

Today I am thankful indeed for the freedom and the ability to go through that process.
But please excuse me now while I go get to work and make some of those changes...
How about you?