Stay in the closet?

Have you noticed how upset people get when someone comes out of the closet? Of course, you have! We see lots of examples of that.

Have you also noticed how upset people get when someone feels they must stay in the closet? Probably not as often.

It's almost as if those who get upset when someone comes out would rather he stay closeted. Would prefer that she would hide and pretend that everything is fine. Maybe even that she would lie and give the acceptable answers even though untrue.

It's almost as if they don't care. About the pain. About the fear. 

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By the way, "hiding closets" may be about sexuality or about religion and theology or even about politics or philosophy - or they may be associated with violence or abuse of various forms.

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I want to be a person who cares about WHY another person feels compelled to hide in the closet.

I want to be compassionate and sensitive.

I want to be a friend to the closet-hider as she figures out whether/when/how to emerge.

I want to offer a listening ear as he learns how to process the hurt and the shame.

I want to be someone who allows encourages another to be honest about the hard stuff.

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How about you?

Would you be more upset about someone coming out of a closet or about the fact that he felt the need to hide in the first place?