Love - Part One: Conditional

Once upon a time a famous preacher was caught in a horrible scandal.
He lied.
He betrayed people.
He cheated on his wife.

The world was stunned.
Atheists had a heyday with it - more ammo to use against Christianity.
Christians were shocked, saddened, disappointed, angry.
Famous preacher was condemned, shunned, and banned by other Christian leaders.

In the midst of the brouhaha, another famous preacher came along and stirred up the pot by saying that preachers' wives shouldn't "let themselves go" - as if to imply that it might be an excuse for husbands to "look elsewhere."

Say what?!?

Still more famous preachers got in on the action by condemning that statement as being inappropriate. Preacher #2 apologized for his remarks.

Years pass. The topic surfaces from time to time. Yesterday was one of those times. A favorite blogger of mine published a thoughtful post about it - pointing out that said remarks were not Biblical. Commenters entered into discussion about how much responsibility spouses have to keep looking good for each other.

Later in the day a Facebook friend posts a link to said discussion.
More comments. More discussion.
Some good points were made, but my heart sank as I listened in.
Something felt so sad, so out of balance.
So shallow.
So much about rights and entitlement.
Somehow it felt like we were missing the point.

I tried to comment.
Couldn't do it.
Too torn up.
Too heart-broken.
Couldn't get past the big aching lump in my throat.
Part of me was crushed and vulnerable.
Part of me was pissed off.

To be fair, I should point out that I am not referencing any particular commenter here. In fact, I admit that I didn't... I couldn't read many of the comments.
Too upsetting.

So what's wrong here?
What's wrong with ME that I should react so?
Am I being hypersensitive?

Maybe it is too soon after the recent vivid discussion about how women are treated in the middle-east, where they are considered mere property. If a wife fails to please her husband in any way, he can get rid of her. It is an accepted fact of life that women will be groped and abused in public.

Americans are appalled by this mentality.
Right? Aren't we?

Are we more progressive in our thinking?
Are women treated with more respect here?
Maybe.
Maybe not.

This discussion brings up a myriad of issues - some of them certainly worth attention. However, it also plays right into the obsession we Americans have with youth and beauty and fitness.

And the discussion degenerates so easily into one of rights and demands.
"I deserve a beautiful and sexy wife."
"I expect to be proud of my spouse."
"I deserve to be happy."
"I expect you to read my mind."
"I am entitled to... "

Maybe I AM hypersensitive; probably I am.
In my ears, it sounds like "I will love you as long as you make me happy and meet my needs."
That kind of love is conditional.
Changeable.
Unsteady.

.....

Click here for part two - unconditional love.