That sermon? Not for you.

That's what my pastor told me.

"Sister, that sermon was not for you."

We were sitting in his office discussing his most recent sermon. I probably mentioned being discouraged about not living up to the admonitions included therein. He knew that I had tried my darnedest because I so much wanted to please God. Maybe he felt badly that his sermon unnecessarily added to my burden of guilt and obligation. To my striving. So he said, "Sister Kaye, that sermon was not for you."

Some of us are such sensitive souls. Call it a tender heart. Call it a pleaser personality. Call it compliant. Call it conditioning. Call it what you will, but some of us have the tendency to trip all over ourselves trying to please other people.

And for some of us that translates into a deep longing to please God in everything we do. So every sermon on commitment makes us want to be more committed. Who am I kidding? Pretty much EVERY SERMON we ever hear makes us want to do better at SOMETHING! So we can please God.

DISCLAIMER:

Lest I give the wrong impression let me quickly admit that I didn't always have the most pure of motives nor do I always choose to do the thing that pleased God. I don't always choose to do the right thing. There are plenty of times that I am downright selfish. But there have been those tender moments, those sensitive seasons, in my life. The fact remains that my personality type tends to take on an undue sense of burden when presented with certain kinds of sermons.

By the way, sermons don't always come from a pulpit. You may be bombarded with a sermon at a family gathering or during a commercial. For the purpose of this discussion, we could define a sermon as any time when someone preaches at you about something you should do.  

Not every admonition you hear - whether from a preacher or a relative or a well-meaning friend or a financial consultant or some health expert... Not every single piece of advice is necessarily one that you must internalize or submit to.

But what are we to do? Should I never try to please others? Are there ways that I can protect myself from this sense of obligation and still be kind and compassionate?

At the risk of oversimplifying, let me say that there's nothing wrong with wanting to please God or to please people for that matter. But the danger comes when our compulsion to please others paralyzes us and keeps us from making mature or healthy decisions. So we DO need to learn to protect ourselves. And we do need to find balance.

My favorite counselor who also happens to be one of my favorite bloggers says:

...if you have a tendency to be compassionate already, there is NOTHING wrong with guarding your heart and taking care of yourself. Sometimes you have to say no. There is nothing selfish about that; you are merely being responsible to protect your soul first. If you burn out completely you won't be able to help others anyway.

It seems so obvious to me now - and maybe to my readers - but maybe there is someone still stuck there in that overwhelming place where you still feel pressure to obey whatever admonition you hear. Where you still have to please people. Or God. Or both. Let me remind you that you need not obey everyone who preaches at you about what you should do. Maybe that sermon is not for you.


 Conclusion:

I realize not everybody has this pleaser tendency and therefore is not so susceptible to these struggles. Maybe you're reading and just don't understand how someone could feel so pressured to please others like this. If you happen to NOT be one of us hyper-sensitive ones, well, then...

Honey, this sermon's not for you!