Assignment: free-write

This is an assignment for my writing class - to spend 15 minutes free-writing without stopping to edit or worrying about whether it makes sense - so please forgive the rambling.

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Ready... go.

Okay; it’s time to free-write.
I seem to do lots of that. I write and then wonder where it came from or what to do with it. Or I come up with these great ideas of what to do with it, but then I fail to follow through. So I could be thrilled – that I have produced so much stuff. Or I could feel defeated that I have produced so little useful stuff.

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
I am confused for sure – especially when it comes to my writing. I used to feel a sense of purpose in my writing, but now not so much. Wait; is that true? I still feel passionate about writing and about so many topics, and I guess I do have some sense of purpose, but there is also conflict and confusion about what direction to take – or even what side to take.

I want to get free to write.
What do I even mean by that?
The obvious answer would be that I want to get free from fear – about what people will think – but I think there was a different meaning there. I think that I want to get free from the lingo. Having been in church all my life, the church lingo accent is pretty thick. It feels like I don’t know how to talk like normal people – because I’ve mostly talked with church people. I’m tired of that. I want to talk to real people in the real world and I don’t want to be frustrated by my inability to speak their language. Our purpose in the church is not just to talk to other people in the church. Aren’t we supposed to be the church? I’m trying to figure out what the crap it means to be the church, because I’m not so sure I have done a good job of being the church – even though I sure enough could “talk the talk.”

But you know what? I don’t even want to be known as the church. Whoa. Well, sometimes at least. Mostly I want to be known as someone who loves people and helps them where I can. Obviously, my motivation is tied to my identity as a Jesus-follower, but I wish the label weren’t so dang important.

So, yah, I don’t want my writing to be “Christian” – in that I don’t want that to be a descriptor – or do I? Sure, I want to honor God in what I do and I want to point people to Jesus, but I want to break free from the labels and the lingo.

Oh, and another thing. I wish I could quit being such a pompous Pharisee. Yah, yah, I am recovering. But unfortunately I still find myself judging people on externals. I am finally feeling a bit of freedom from letting myself be judged that way, and I sure don’t want to participate in doing that to others.

I wish to be part of a movement that builds people up rather than tearing them down. …

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